Swallows and Amazons

...we're adding a whole new plot"

That's always a sign that a production is heading for disaster. If you think the book isn't exciting, don't use it; find some other material. If you think you don't have the ability to convey to an audience what you find exciting about it, find another career.

'Swallows and Amazons' works as a book - and still does, nearly 90 years after it was written - precisely because it is concerned only with the children and their doings. No adult POV is included to give us a perspective on the children's outlook, their emotions and imaginative world; we only see what matters to them and we see it with their eyes. This makes perfect sense to children, and it takes adults back to our own childhood when we too found our own fantasy games far more important and meaningful than anything adults did. I couldn't see how a subplot about 'real' 1930s Soviet spies could possibly be introduced into the plot without making the children's pirate adventures and sea battles seem suddenly trivial and, well, childish.

And sadly, that's exactly what happens. Philippa Lowthorpe works hard to create a sense of danger and excitement in the childhood adventure of unaccompanied sailing, and camping on an island, and very nice too. But the effort is pointless when you throw in real gun-toting nasties kidnapping people and chasing them along trains; that just makes the children's 'pirate wars' fantasy look piffling and tiresome.

A real pity. You wonder why they bothered, and why anybody didn't advise them not to.

To me this was a perfect opportunity to create something special from something classic gone completely wrong. Some of the scenes were lovely to look at but overshadowed by the underwhelming story lines. The acting was completely wooden, the 2 smaller children were quite fun and played their parts well, the older ones however could really have learned something from them. Their characters were completely wooden, no personality, enthusiasm or expression. In the past few years we have seen some amazing child actors such as, The BFG, Pan and What we did on our holiday to name just a few. How then did this go so wrong? As a family we watch a lot of films , old and new, we also spend a lot of time going to the cinema , so pride ourselves in being able to appreciate all sorts of film genres. When we saw this advertised we were quite excited and thought it had a lot of potential. Sadly we walked out of the cinema after seeing this feeling totally unfulfilled.

It is this reviewer's humble opinion that British children's literature, with its whimsical nature and picturesque settings, is the best of its kind. It is also this reviewer's opinion that British filmmaking best capitalises on these elements, making for full-length features that are every bit as captivating as their source material.

Set against the backdrop of the 1930s English Lake District (shot on location and realised here in breathtaking aerial views), Swallows and Amazons sees an innocent childhood sailing adventure become embroiled in a sinister conflict of interest between two mysterious parties. Though it preceded Enid Blyton's Famous Five stories it is strikingly similar in tone, and reinforces the notion that childhood detective fiction has been consistently appealing to us from Arthur Ransome's classic novel through to the television adventures of Scooby Doo.

Held up by a veteran supporting cast including Harry Enfield and Kelly McDonald, the young Walker children are all an enthusiastic delight, chiefly responsible for rendering this particular adaptation so cheerily playful for the majority of its running time. Even when the atmosphere shifts and the film must briefly cease to reminisce on the carefree pleasures of our youths, the focus adapts accordingly to challenge the audience's perspective on responsibility; as Rafe Spall's cryptic Jim Turner tells an accountable John Walker, this is not (always) a game.

While the topic of childhood privileges is one which the film has no obligation to comment on directly - the source material predating the advent of smart electronics by a great length of time - there are subtle nods to taking the great outdoors for granted which director Philippa Lowthorpe delivers as contemplative gestures, rather than heavy-handed sermons. Swallows and Amazons is precisely the film that family audiences need in 2016; a reminder that a summer spent outdoors, rather than five inches from a screen, is the most memorable of all.

The makers of this rather odd film don't seem to have been able to make up their minds whether they were doing Swallows and Amazons or The Thirty Nine Steps, and so have gone for a rather awkward blending of the two. Clearly they don't think that Ransome's gentle story of a boating holiday in the Lake District is exciting enough for modern audiences, and they may be right. So on the train on the way to the lake District we get Sinister Spies erupting into the Walker children's compartment (mother has gone outside for a smoke) and one of them (Uncle Jim no less) ends up climbing about on the outside of the train and jumping off. Uncle Jim is in fact the world's worst spy ever. He leaves secret papers and photos lying about in the cabin of his boat in plain view, and doesn't even bother to lock the door when he goes out. He does everything to draw attention to himself except wearing a hat with 'Spy' on it. There is still room for some boating and camping on the island, and when the film stick to what is actually in the book it isn't bad, but the spy stuff weighs the film down, and gets steadily more absurd as the film goes on, culminating in a scene of such joyous absurdity i was reduced to tears of laughter. As a film of Swallows and Amazons this is badly flawed, but is worth 5 out of 10 for making me laugh so much.

It takes guts to remake a classic film. Unfortunately it takes talent too, and from the "writer" downwards the bunch behind this particular remake are sadly lacking in talent.

Honestly, it makes you wonder if they ever read the original stories. Sure, they're perhaps a little dated now, but I'm convinced it would have been possible to update them without ignoring everything that was good. They certainly did *not* need to rename poor old itty, or make the teenagers a bunch of inept yobs.

Ignore this, go watch the original 1974 version, then hunt out Sophie Neville's beautiful diaries of "The Making of Swallows and Amazons" (it's on Amazon) and let the love and respect for Arthur Ransome's work envelop you.