Monarch

I guess Nashville has been off long enough that someone thought this show was ready to pick up the slack. It's possible the writers missed a few cliches but I would need to watch it again and take notes in order to be certain. And I'm not going to do that. Ever. I actually enjoy some of the actors and I experience a mix of sorrow and contempt for them signing on to this incredibly bad program. And I feel like a dolt for watching even the pilot.

Apparently I haven't written enough to justify having my opinion recorded at IMDB. So I'm going to type a few (45) more words until I meet their mythical minimum (Oh joy!).

Attempted "This Is Us" ripoff with timeline bouncing, three siblings (heck, let's make one overweight), mix character development based on researching "Dallas" reruns,a healthy dose of contrived attempts at stereotypical accents and "big hair for everyone!"...the season with a few saccharine songs, and salinated ballots sung well...and you end up with this.

This is crap.

While there are actors whose films I avoid because of their outspokenness, it's not really their politics that dictate my reaction...it's that they're idiots. While I disagree with much of Susan Sarandon's viewpoints, she seems to be contemplative and sincere. I like her as an actress.

However she couldn't save this crap with a roadmap, a flashlight, a shotgun and a safe word.

After a big build up, this program turned out to be a complete disappointment. Ridiculous premise, horrible acting. I could hardly get past the first episode. I am a country music fan and found this to be a boring parody with unconvincing scenes and characters that fail to draw you in. If you don't believe me, watch the first episode for yourself! My question is how did such big name entertainers like Susan Sarandon and Trace Adkins get roped into this project? They try to create drama by bringing in some side stories but these fail to take off or bring any depth to the story. Maybe it picks up after the next episode, but I doubt I'll be turning in.

The MONARCH premiere was exactly what I had expected it to be - mediocre and forgettable. Despite the star power of veteran Susan Sarandon, country star Trace Adkins, and the always likable and impressively talented Brits Anna Friel (Pushing Diasies) and Joshua Sasse (Galavant), the only glimmer of substance this pilot episode had was a well-done duet of the 1997 hit ballad, "How Do I Live." The introduction of its plots, subplots, and backstories, I could've easily lived without. This question remains: Do I want to continue watching a blasé series far too similar to other fleeting series like PROMISED LAND and FILTHY RICH simply because I like actors Sarandon, Friel, and Sasse -- despite the blatant fact that none of them could carry a Texas accent worth a darn? Moreover, do we really need another NASHVILLE? Hasn't this been done and done over dozens of times? "How do I live" without this series? My apologies to the fine cast, but the answer is...just fine!

Because for the most part I have no use for modern C+W, I wouldn't have given this a second look if not for Trace Adkins' appearance on Real Time and Maher falling all over himself with praise. But to be honest, we barely made it through the opening credits before it was clear that it was going to be a sanitized, cookie-cutter, Hallmark-worthy torture session whose every moment made me want to watch the Righteous Gemstones instead. Maybe I shouldn't even be writing this; there's probably some unstated rule about how much of something you actually have to see before dismissing it as junk and putting on something else.

We know that Susan Sarandon still has it - she rocked Ray Donovan. So unless the age ceiling for Hollywood actresses that we keep hearing about has suddenly come down on her hard, I can't for the life of me figure out why she'd sign on to this turkey. Or maybe the producers, desperate to attach the name of an actual "serious actor" (rather than just an array of Nashville twangers), made her an offer she couldn't refuse.

In the end, it doesn't matter why. It has been seen and cannot be unseen. And if it goes on to earn praise from country music fans, it will, as a point of reference, tell you much more about them than about Monarch.