The Rig

You know the boring parts of a porn that you just fast forward through until the "actors" are done talking? Well that is this entire movie! I'm talking about bad lighting, awful dialog, terrible editing (scenes are drawn out way too long, with awkward moments of nothing going on), and unforgivable monster attacks that show too little of a monster that looks like it was made in a middle school art class. I can't believe the cast and crew were even able to see this thing through to completion. The only reason I gave it 3 stars instead of 1 is for the brave men and women who selfishly destroyed their reputations for the sake of not giving up on something you started. One star movies are filmed with a cell phone in a junk yard, at least they got someone to rent them an oil rig.

During a tropical storm, an assortment of badly written crew characters must deal with the rough weather as well as a mysterious creature who finds itself aboard the rig. Whenever 4 or more writers work on the same movie script, it's usually not a great sign (if said film is an anthology that rule doesn't apply, but this is not the case here) The plot is trite, the characters somehow cliché and bland at the same time, and the film as a whole is not nearly entertaining enough to make the huge detriments ignorable. An extremely dreary mess, avoid it.

My Grade: D-

Eye Candy: Carman Perez gets topless

If you're wondering why, with a summary like that, I can only give it 1 out of 10, let me explain.

If someone can take a script this bad and a cast so poor and still persuade people to hand their money over to it, then, if you're an aspiring movie maker, you should be ecstatic.

It has absolutely everything bad you can think of in a movie: Horrendously poor editing; a completely pointless flashback to a few minutes earlier, in black and white to remind you (if you're a complete idiot) what just happened; dreadful, tinny low budget music to match the low budget set; and a man in a plastic monkey suit grabbing people in a quick blur of camera motion while someone throws fake blood around.

And dialogue that's so poor that if they had managed to hire a cast of decent actors they would have ended up shaking their heads at the inanity of it all.

There are some tits in it. That ought to double the viewing audience.

Give this one a wide berth unless you have the choice of watching this or sticking map pins into your eyeballs.

Wow, can someone please give me the directors number as he owes me 2 hours of my life back. Easily the worst movie I've seen of late.

I'm not usually reviewer, nor a movie critic, but if i can save someone from watching this movie then I will have achieved some sort of personal satisfaction for the torture that I received whilst watching it.

The 2 positive things i can take from this movie is that 1)i saw some boobs and 2) it makes some bad movies I've watched now seem semi-bad.

Every facet of this movie is shocking from the script right down to the monster which is is a cross between an inbred raccoon an A-sexual dog on heat.

The acting is only topped in poorness by the dialog, which appears to be the script of a cheesy R-rated porn.

How this movie made it to DVD is beyond me, obviously someone in the cast or crew is sleeping with someone in the know how.

I wouldn't even recommend illegally downloading this movie. do yourself and your braincells a favour and steer clear unless you have a spew bucket and a swear jar handy 0.5/10

Alright, well first of all, just based from the movie cover, you already know this is going to be something like a standard horror movie from the late 80's / early 90's, and sure enough - it is! This movie is just screaming late 80's/early 90's horror flick. From the way it is shot, the storyline and the setting. Let's take an isolated rig out in the middle of the ocean, miles from land. Throw in a storm, of course, for good measure. Then cut off communications with mainland and then have some strange creature come aboard the rig. A creature no one ever heard or seen before. Yeah, late 80's/early 90's cocktail right there.

Oh, and while we are at it, lets put William Forsythe's name up on the poster, then we have a semi-famous name to draw people in. Now, this puzzles me indeed, especially because his role in the movie is no more than a supporting role, if that much even.

Anyway, "The Rig" is actually filmed in an adequate manner, especially if you are into horror movies from back in the day. The setting of the movie, well it has been used a bit too much in the past.

The people in the movie also did a good enough job with their roles. But you never really got to feel for any of the characters, as they were all just portrayed superficially. There were very little character development and building in this movie. Basically just your standard isolation-horror-with-slim-survival-chance-movie here.

And what was up with the storm? At one point it was furious and pounding the rig with no mercy. But when they had to go out to walk on the cranes (or whatever it was) the storm had dissipated? Even though they had said it wouldn't break up before the next day? And once off the crane, it started to thunder and get sort of stormy again? Tch, tch...

I must admit that I blackout and snoozed maybe 10 or 15 minutes away of the movie, but when I woke up, I could immediately get back into the movie and the story, because nothing major happened, nothing that couldn't afforded to be missed anyway.

What ticks me off in these types of movies, is the fact that you rarely get to see the creatures in full detail. It is always blurred motion, small and fast glimpses, silhouettes, or whatever they come up with to make it more thrilling and creeping. No, no, no! It doesn't' work to that end, it doesn't become thrilling, it doesn't become scary. I will tell you what it becomes; it becomes annoying and frustrating. As a movie lover, I want to see such monsters, I want to see the horror that stalks the people. I am not content with glimpses here and there. It makes the whole project reek of low-budget and cheesy effects.

If you are in for an evening of horror in the predictable genre, then this might be something right up your alley. But if you, like me, prefer more than just cheap thrills and bad plots, don't bet your money on "The Rig". The movie is bearable to sit through if you have nothing else at hand, but there are far better horror movies available. And don't get fooled by an otherwise rather interesting-looking movie cover!