Jack and the Beanstalk

This is a very good movie, with nothing offensive unless you don't like potty humor. But the movie still got a TV-G rating. I saw "Dumb and Dumberer" the same weekend, and if you want offensive potty humor ...

Plenty of actors give very good performances.

Colin Ford and Chloe Grace Moretz are wonderful as the children with the largest roles.

Gilbert Gottfried is as annoying as always, but his goose is one of the best things about the movie. At some point in the past I learned to accept his very brash style.

Katey Sagal is wonderful as Jack's mom, so normal and loving, until she gets upset and then she's more like the outrageous townspeople.

It is never explained why most of the people have British accents but Jack and his mother don't. Oh, well ...

Daniel Roebuck is appropriately over-the-top as the town's mayor.

There is a sepia-tone silent movie as Verri Saddus tells his story through flashbacks. There is music and narration, and eventually even sound from the past even though the style is still that of silent movies.

James Earl Jones is his usual vicious villain. As with Darth Vader, he doesn't appear, but the giant in this version is no bigger than an NBA player.

Three cops named Who, What and Where are given the job of finding Jack, but all they really do is a funny parody of Abbott and Costello.

It's a worthy effort.

You know how your granny complains that they never make nice films any more, that the whole family can sit down and watch? This was clearly designed by your granny, as something nice and old fashioned; the trouble is, I think the old bird's getting a bit senile.

It goes like this: Jack lives in fairyland, where everything is a fairy story, and he wants to be a hero. But in order to do so, he has to go on a quest and learn about things like Sacrifice and Perseverance and I'm sorry I just can't go on. I just can't.

It's not the clichéd plot that kills this movie. It's not even the hideous, explosion-in-a-cuteness-factory design of the sets. It's the acting, and the characters. They're just AWFUL. Jack himself is the kind of precocious brat who needs a good whack upside the head, but he's nothing compared to poor Christopher Lloyd, who is forced to explain every joke very slowly, over and over, as though he's speaking to an audience that's suffering from major brain damage. Lloyd is better than the frantically mugging Wallace Shawn, who plays multiple roles, all of them dreadful. Even that shameful performance is far, far better than Gilbert Gottfried, who is just insufferable as a human chicken. Did no one look at that character? Did no one think that maybe, just maybe, a movie with that horrible, screeching nincompoop at the centre of it might be a bad idea? The only cast member who comes out of this mess with any dignity intact is Chloe Moretz, who filmed this just before she went on to fame in Kick-Ass. I think it's safe to say she won't be putting this movie in her show reel, though.

This is an old-fashioned family film, in all the wrong ways. It's far too twee and cloying for adults, and much too cutesy for kids who have been brought up on the harder edges of Pixar or Disney movies. There's never any sense of even slight danger, so that it's impossible for adults or kids to get involved in the film. I wouldn't recommend letting your kids see Kick-Ass, but there are a thousand better movies for them than this.

My kids loved it, but my wife and me, not so much. The only saving grace is that it has quite a few 80's and 90's pop culture references. Those were fun.

This has some iconic actors and it's totally for all the family to watch. It's super mild, my 3 year old really liked it and didn't get scared at all.

The show is super weird and quirky. There is this one super silly fight scene that made my kids laugh.

I will say that the goose's voice is pretty annoying, and the show could have done better without him. I literally have nothing left to say about this show. How the heck did they convince these big name actors to play in this movie?

It was beginning to look like a good story. Then the cheesiness came into play. A bit over acted and silly. Again, maybe the very young kids will like this adaptation. I soon lost interest and wished Gilbert Gottfried (the goose) would just shut up already.

The creation of Jack and the Beanstalk, I believe, was hurried and not too much focus on creation. I mean, the giant was not even a giant, more like a big puppet, etc.

Most likely you will take the kids along to a theater to see and hope they will enjoy just the silliness of it all and not my luck of seeing a screener as an adult and no kids along while expecting a totally different style of movie. A More serious adaptation maybe? I think Disney would have done a better job.

My forecast for reviews of Jack and the Beanstalk will be, in grade level, user's (C) and critics (C). Or a 5 rating in IMDb.

GOOD INTERESTING STORY THAT IS FUN AND PRETTY EASY TO FOLLOW = 1/2 Star

MEMORABLE DIALOGUE = 1 Star

FEEL A PULL TO WATCH IT AGAIN = 0 Stars

MUSIC OR SCORE STANDS OUT = 1/2 Star

NO NOTICEABLE PLOT HOLES = 0 Stars

STORY GETS RESOLVED OR FEELS COMPLETE IN SOME WAY = 1 Star

I PERSONALLY LIKE OR FEEL A CONNECTION TO THIS STORY = 0 Stars

MEMORABLE OR LIKABLE CHARACTERS = 1 Star

MOST THINGS ABOUT THE STORY COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN OR ARE BELIEVABLE = 0 Stars

STORY ISN'T BORING OR REPETITIVE = 0 Stars

A funny movie for kids that puts a whole new spin on Jack and the Beanstalk. There are many familiar faces in this film and it's a wonder why it bombed. The story is creative and somewhat funny even for adults. It's almost like a unintentional trippy movie to laugh at with friends. This story is cliche but so is the original story right?