The Legend of Hercules

Absolutely Average and Below in Every Way, this by the Numbers Filmmaking from a Very Inconsistent Director is so Unremarkable that it Barely Exists and is in Danger of Fading from Memory So Fast that the Mythology of Hercules is Safe.

This is Not Awful, Not Good, Not Much of Anything. It just Sort of Lies there with Nothing to Say, Attract Attention or be Concerned About. The Acting is Across the Board Boring. The Story is Unfaithful to its Source Material and the Story being Told is so Familiar and Stale that even Youngsters will be Disappointed.

It is Disposable and Dull with that Old PG-13 Curse of Banality and Yawn Inducing Action Scenes (that are worse when dealing with swords, spears, and Gladiator type mayhem) that the Battles are Rendered War Weary from the Outset.

Overall, Not the Worst Thing ever, but if You are Going to Watch it, do it Soon before it Ceases to Exist like the Pools of Sweat from a Strenuous Workout.

In 1200 B.C. Greece, King Amphitryon conquers Argos by killing its ruler. Queen Alcmene is tired of his constant war. Hera allows her to have a baby with Zeus who would grow up to be the half-God champion Hercules (Kellan Lutz). He falls in love with Princess Hebe of Crete but his jealous older half-brother Iphicles announces his marriage to her. Hercules is sent to Egypt where he is set up for an ambush and sold into slavery.

The opening fight is slightly interesting. It tries to be 300 but it's not as good. It starts out as a cheaper version of that style. That would be fine but it only gets worst from there. Kellan Lutz comes in and the muscle-bound dude is not charismatic enough to lead. The action style becomes cheaper and weaker. This Greek epic story has never seem less compelling.

It is absolutely shocking that this movie came out in today's market. The dialog was horrible: cliché and predictable. The entire film was, in fact, predictable. We saw the previews, we went to the film, and about ten minutes in we knew it was bad. We gave it a chance, hoping it would get better, that it would redeem itself in some way. It did not. It got worse. If you are just looking for an entertaining film, this is a major disappointment, to say the least. Obvious special effects, slow motion for every other move in every fight scene, and terrible, I mean tragic, dialog. If you are a fan of Greek mythology, it's downright offensive. Don't waste your time or your money.

Hercules is not entirely a disaster, as one might expect. A low-budget PG-13 adaptation of 300-style movies made in Bulgaria, this movie is in line with the expectations on what Renny Harlin is capable of.

While not being a disaster on a whole, it's a disaster in parts. The special effects, while being descent 3D images at times, are badly connected with live shots. There are many moments when perspective of such sequences is distorted in really obvious (and unintentionally funny) ways. There are numerous anachronisms. Characters use costumes and jewelry that could not be available in ancient Greece. Screenplay, while not being completely absurd, has some rather awkward dialog lines and unexplainable plot moments.

Unfortunately, the movie is not a Hercules legend but rather a shallow love story and family drama. There's even a bathing scene in a romantic- looking pond with flowers under a waterfall (the water in the pond is so dirty though that one can only feel pity for the actors). There are no heroic deeds of Hercules depicted in this movie.

One last blow for Hercules is PG-13 rating. There's no blood at all. When swords pierce bodies, they re-appear absolutely clean. When one of the characters was struck in the neck, the next shot showed his neck without a sign of a would or even a drop of blood. One of the few things the movie managed to deliver were some dynamic battle sequences; but PG- 13 made them look fake. In the age of 300 and Spartacus TV show, this is not something you want to waste your time on.

Unless you wish to add to a surprising $8 mln box office success after its first weekend, which will probably make this movie more profitable than most other current releases.

This movie lost me even before I was dragged into the theater. The trailers made it look like a movie made mostly for the sake of violence and for showcasing the sweaty, hairless, shirtless bodies of the male actors; there is plenty if the latter, but shockingly less than expected of the former so if you're interested in bloody and graphic violence skip it, there's nothing that graphic to speak of. The story of Hercules's impossible tasks, is abandoned (and only makes a cameo in a scene where he kills a lion) and instead it's been replaced with a meathead's view of Ridley Scott's, Gladiator. The story and characters are as shallow as kiddie pools, the editing never slows down the pace which is tiring after the first twenty minutes, the same establishing shots are used in the very first shot of every scene, the music also doesn't know how to tone down, as that the climax of each scene is accompanied with large, "rousing" crescendo, the writing is awful and gives you no look into the mind of the characters (at least I hope they had more going on in their heads than what was expressed), there is no acting to speak of, and the visual effects look like they're from a Sci-Fi Channel movie. To add to my disappointment, I also discovered that IMDb doesn't have a "0 star" rating, what the hell?