Zombi: La creazione

Remember, big fan of movies in general and zombie flicks here. I am used to a bit of cheese in a zombie flick.

This one stunk like the cheese counter at your local supermarket, or that big bag of especially dank green you just picked up.

The first fifteen minutes involve plot set-up (tl;dr: zombies on an island. Yes we should visit it) and the fact that our heroine suffers from nightmares. We couldn't just see her have one nightmare, we had to see three just to really hammer the message home (and to get some zombies in early / use some cool footage they had. Probably). This sets the tone for the rest of the film; dragging things out.

Our "rough and tumble marines" actually scream and prance like highly strung queens at the first whiff of danger. Particularly embarrassing anyway (stuck in my mind) but then to read that in the strapline, well yeah.

The dialogue leaves a taste like tinned ham in your mouth. People repeat things and it is so painfully apparent that these are not trained marines (apparently people with such high training need to be told three times to open fire).

But, the worst part of the film is the camera work. The worst part because it is the best part (the film does look good). This means they had some money to make this film with, they just didn't feel the need to spend that money on a compus mentus director, a script that didn't only contain plot holes and cheese, and an editor who doesn't think repetition is the key to success.

I'd give the director, the script writer and the editor an honorary Razzie, then send them on a tour of film schools around the world armed with a copy of this film to show the students what not to do when making a film.

Oh there's about three plot twists. No one involved in making this had much to say, they figured they'd only get one swing at the ball so they threw everything into the mix.

I did manage to clip and file my nails while this was on and miss absolutely nothing, so that's something.

M

Bruno Mattei's latest and last flick brings more zombie madness to our bloodthirsty mitts. I for one am not the biggest fan of zombie flicks, but I respect a movie with loads of gore and with a high level of cheese. And yep, Zombies: The Beginning delivers just that.

The story revolves around some cuteass Asian babe who plays a scientist of sorts. She's the lone survivor of a zombie rampage which left her entire crew/team dead. Events lead her back to the island where the zombies live...unlive. And as you can guess, loads of zombies and gore follow. Some weird turns in the story take place, but really, you're only really expecting the next scene of violence. Which basically, this film is fine for.

Z:TB was pretty fun, but ultimately it was a tad too tedious, and just really amateurish. For example, in the first 20 minutes they show a nightmare our lead lady has been suffering from three times. No biggie if it's quick or cool, but nope. It's long and stupid....but understandable. Of course if you love cheesy, foreign zombie flicks, this shouldn't bother you in the slightest and you should feel right at home.

If you're a die hard fan of Mattei or zombies, there's no reason not to check it out. It delivers the red stuff, the awful (good thing) dubbing, and a ridiculous story. Just don't expect our leading lady to shed any clothing. Even with those nice boobs....no nudity. Oh well, at least there were some zombie boobs.

This film takes up where its predecessor "Island of the Living Dead" left off with "Dr. Sharon Dimeo" (Yvette Yzon) left floating at sea where she had just escaped from an island populated with zombies. Not long after her rescue she is approached by a corporation which wants her to lead an exploration party back to the island to investigate what happened. At first she is extremely reluctant but after suffering from recurring nightmares for six months she finally agrees to go back. Yet even though this new search party is quite well-armed they soon realize that they are not prepared for what they eventually find. Now rather than reveal any more I will just say that this sequel was just as bad as the first film in that it still had a bad script, bad character development and bad acting along with bad costumes and sets. In short, it was bad and other than the presence of Yvette Yzon there really wasn't much of anything here that caught my eye and I have rated this movie accordingly. Definitely below average.

The swan song of exploitation legend Bruno Mattei, Zombies: The Beginning starts with Dr Sharon Dimao being airlifted to safety, the woman claiming to be the only survivor from a salvage ship that ran aground on an island of zombies. After a week in hospital, she goes back to work but loses her job, her employers disbelieving her story about the reanimated dead. The next six months are spent recuperating at a Buddhist temple, but Sharon still suffers from terrible nightmares (well, the same nightmare several times over).

When a man from the Tyler corporation visits Sharon, telling her that he believes her story and that he wants her to act as a consultant on a mission to another island that might be overrun by the living dead, she decides to confront her fears. Accompanied by a platoon of tough, gung-ho marines, she travels to the island where she once again comes face to face with the ravenous zombies (which look a lot more like Lamberto Bava's demons than anything to be found in a George Romero movie).

In short, Zombies: The Beginning is James Cameron's Aliens, but with zombies (that look like demons).

This might be the final effort from a director whose career has spanned four decades, but Mattei proves that he has lost none of his magic: his last film is just as clumsy, cheesy, gory and downright hilarious as anything from his heyday. Sure, it's got a nasty shot-on-video aesthetic that makes it look even cheaper than 'classics' like Rats Night of Terror and Hell of the Living dead, but all of the director's trademarks are there: dreadful dialogue, terrible performances, unconvincing special effects, and lots of unintentional hilarity.

The real fun, however, is in spotting the countless ways that this film apes Aliens. Mattei has zero shame in copying everything he possibly can from Cameron's classic: marines equipped with motion detectors, a tough female soldier, flamethrowers for roasting the enemy, a stomach-burster, a treacherous company man, and an ending that sees Sharon strip to her vest to destroy the zombies' nest, where people are being used for breeding.

In a last-ditch effort to inject just a smidgen of originality, Bruno throws in some cone-headed zombie children with bug eyes, and a disembodied brain in a jar that has been planning to take over the world. Dumb doesn't even begin to describe it.

A tough one to rate: it's embarrassingly bad, and unlikely to appeal to the average Joe, but fans of Mattei's particular brand of trash will have a blast. I'll play it safe and give it a middling 5/10.

Rescued from the Pacific Ocean, Dr. Sharon Dimao tells the story of the zombie infested island she escaped. Persuaded to return to the Island with a commando unit, she uncovers worse horrors than she encountered before, and must fight to survive.

Bruno Mattei's final movie hasn't the b-movie charm of its predecessor. Aside from the flashbacks of Island of the Living Dead (2007) and the same actress playing the same character it has little,if any logical connection. Like Shocking Dark (1989) this is also basically a rehash of Aliens, right down to Antonio Tentori and Giovanni Paolucci's screenplay lifting its lines of dialogue, only the here Xenomorphs are replaced by mutant zombies. We get to witness alien cone-head zombies, fanged and little person zombies. There's exploding heads, gut chomping, dangerous explosions and all the low budget Italian production short comings you'd expect from something made in the 2000s that looks from the 80s. Sub-par acting, sound design, dubbing, editing, lapses in logic, misplaced music, recycled footage-you name it Mattei delivers it.

From the commando unit to the boardroom extras, it really has to be see to be believed unless you're familiar with Mattei's work you know exactly what to expect. Lead Yvette Yzon as Sharon gets to show off her acting chops regurgitating (maybe unknowingly) lines from better films.

Overall, it's wild, it's wacky, it's poorly executed. While not as good Mattei's penultimate DTV Island of the Living Dead, in a weird way this still manages to encompass the staples synonymous with his outlandish work.