Jack the Reaper Returns

This is not even a movie: in fact it is not even Cinema! It is just a badly filmed, poorly staged, even more poorly produced, and "acted" ugly piece of pure, shabby boredom, at it's finest and saddest representation! No, I don't want to be mean! But enough is enough! And I must warn others! I go to Film Festivals, and, see plenty of films better, way more deserving (under any single perspective) than this hard to digest, atrocity, but, believe it or not, some of those never come out! You'd be surprised, not even the real promising, ground breaking ones, at times! However, quite punctually, crappy, amateur, demented stuff, obviously made without any caring, nor the even thinnest consideration for an audience, such as this shameful advertisement against B Genre movies (that is probably its only regrettable "achievement": keeping people away from the Genre, that is!!) does get a decent DVD run! I can only tell you that I am famous to watch pretty much everything, even the unwatchable, and, that I always find ways to enjoy cult films ! But, this marooning experience into a shameful lack of any entertaining elements, was way too dreadful and insulting, even for me! I honestly just couldn't finish it!! I gave it 33 of the most painful, miserable minutes ever spent, then I got angered, realizing I was just forcing myself to watch... or better, to witness, perhaps, some of the lowest grade attempts into badly trying, without ever succeeding, to pass an assemblage of utmost uninteresting, muddled material, that felt as if it were the lamest possible result, coming out by writing a couple of lurid vignettes, while, staging them afterward, as if you had to punk some nasty old uncle, and, all together vaguely resembling some of the worst acted nightmare of a play, performed at the Auburn, Alabama's public High School, but in one of those really jinxed years, when the students were so inept to result almost like a frantic bunch of idiots, trying to get the hell away of their misery! When I finally turned it off, I had to chill, a few moments, and then spent the night, just trying hard to forget the whole damn experience! Brutalizing! And, again.. not the plot ( and what plot, anyway?), brutalizing I would call the feeling I have got once more when watching such stupidity , a feeling someone is most likely to get inevitably, when clearly understanding, that he's been just finely ripped off of his money! Then, of course, I saw that the Asylum was involved: hey! Mea Culpa! Should have known better...

When I picked up the DVD case for this movie and read the plot, I found it to be interesting. When I watched it though I was severely disappointed. The scenes were to poorly done. The actors and actresses looked more like they were in their freshman year of film school. The camera angles were poorly decided and shot with a somewhat clueless demeanor.The theme of the movie,though strong, was weakly projected to the public. The gore scenes were more that of a G rated atmosphere. When people watch horror movies,they want to be scared out of their pants. This movie more delivers on laughing people out of their pants than anything else.

I really wish i could give this a negative vote, because i think i just wasted 83 minutes of my life watching the worst horror movie ever put to film. the acting was just god awful, i mean REALLLYYYY bad, the dialog was worse, the script sounded like it was written by.... i can't think of anything horrible enough to say. And the day "outside" and the night "inside" shots make you think the events took over several days. Terribly acted, directed, written, etc etc. all the way down to the gofer how gets lunch for everyone. STAY AWAY FROM THIS ONE AT ALL COSTS. If my only saving grace to stay out of hell is by doing one good deed, it is to tell the world to not watch this crap. This movie is the exact reason why horror movies are never taken seriously.

Inept. Inept. Inept. Inept.

Geez - this is what you get when you decide to take a chance on a direct to DVD slasher! The cover looks cool - the comparison to "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" obviously comes from someone associated with the film 'cuz no one in their right mind would compare those two - and the story doesn't sound too bad (for a slasher). But do not be fooled (like ME!) - this is total and utter CRAP.

It's hard to take a few things out and point to their ineptitude but here's a quick rundown; Acting is bad - effects are bad - dialogue is beyond belief and overall script is pure toilet paper - things like atmosphere and suspense are not present.

Personal faves; The movie is supposed to take place in Alaska where for some reason the sun never sets. Well OK, so we'll have a daylight slasher - at least that's new. Wrong! Interior scenes always show total darkness when looking at the windows yet when the folks go outside it's always bright. But the biggest laugh comes when a state official uses a torch to see where he's going in complete daylight. Also an encounter with a woman driver near the end has to be seen to be believed.

Maybe the film is best enjoyed when you know what you're getting into. Don't expect anything remotely good and you might have a few laughs Ed Wood "Plan 9" style. I've seen some bad slashers but I can't think of one that tops this turd. Perhaps the biggest laugh comes when watching the supplements on the DVD when the crew responsible for the flick praise it like it's a modern masterpiece of slasher cinema. How clueless can they get?

LEGEND OF BLOODY JACK (theasylum.cc) Written & Directed by Todd Portugal Featuring Matt Nelson as the Lumberjack. The director of photography was very kind to the making of this film,Awesome camera work. The Gist: These couples are at a cross roads, Then have a reality check with death. Rules: Don't go out of the house, AND if you do stay out the the woods. The character of Forest Ranger was interesting and had a uncanny resemblance to Dick Miller(favorite character actor of Joe Dante and Roger Corman). There were some genuinely suspenseful scenes and whole piece seems very fresh with a new horror icon to beware. The stunt co-ordinator, I found out in extras, Was also the lumberjack, Great planning for stunt success. Okay to sum up,The Ending was great, Then became Not great just before end credits-Ouch.