Prom Night: Eine gute Nacht zum Sterben

Prom Night is shot with the artistic eye someone gives while finely crafting a Lifetime original film. You know the one. This October, Lifetime takes a break from the courageous tale of a woman surviving (insert disease name here) to tell the somewhat creepy tale of a woman pursued by a stalker ex-boyfriend. It's dramatic … it's sappy … it's immensely dull. It does nothing to further a genre, tell an original story, or strive for ANY sort of newness. Prom Night shares this plight. Watching the killer poke holes in his victims, we sit silently as they slump to the floor with not a drop of blood spilled. It occurred to me that this was the cleanest killer in movie history.

Our director is working with a fairly good-looking killer so he is forced to pour on the camera angles to make him appear creepier. Think about Matthew McConaughey coming at you with a knife. You'd probably go … "OH! Good lookin guy is going to kill me? Naaaa." Not scary even for a second, so the director throws Schaech into shadows and over the shoulder in the mirror. This mirror shot is repeated to the point of sickness as it practically becomes a fetish of the creator. You'll get 15 jump scares in this film, 2 of which made my date jump (I might mention she is afraid of EVERYTHING). I'd also mention she decided to take a nap halfway through the film and at one point threatened to leave me.

As if this film were not disjointed enough, it appears to be cut to shreds. I'm not saying it looks like key points were left on the cutting room floor as the crew scrambled to salvage some semblance of a horror film; I'm saying as the film moves from scene to scene, you often get a jarring jump. This is the kind of thing you'd expect when a film catches fire and a projectionist is forced to splice ends together, cross his fingers, and hope for the best. The editor should be shot.

With a plot you can pack into two sentences, one stray spray of blood, an emo killer, and the tension of a very special episode of "Silver Spoons", we're left with no reason to support horror this weekend … at least on the big screen. In fact, this is the sort of film that should be punished. Is it really that hard to make a scary movie? Was this crew even aware they were making a horror film??!! A complete waste of my time and yours. I bit the bullet to get you this review. Don't let my sacrifice be in vain. DON'T GO INTO THE MOVIE!!!

Good grief I can't even begin to describe how poor this film is. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting much to begin with. Let's face it, a PG-13 slasher flick is pre-destined to be missing the ummm... slashing, so no one should be surprised by the lack of gore. But it was the level of incompetence and cliché on display in all the other aspects of this movie is what really blew me away.

We have a protagonist who is quite simply so completely useless that you find yourself rooting for the bad guy. And here's a turnup for the books... SHE NEVER CHANGES - hence breaking the cardinal rule of basic screen writing - character development. If you think by the end of this film the poor little girl is going to turn around and finally kick some arse then think again.

On top of this, we're handed possibly the least intriguing (and definitely the least scary) killer ever to grace the genre. I'm not joking when I say that Dora the Explorer has scarier villains than this movie.

Finally, because all the potential for tension or gratuity is removed by the inept (and apparently thirteen-year-old) director, what could possibly be left to fill up 2 hours of screen time?

Closets, that's what.

Lots and lots of closets: big closets, small closets, mirrored closets, closets to Narnia, so many damned closets you'll not want to dress yourself for another year. In fact this movie should have just been called "CLOSET", and had a picture of a big scary coathanger on the DVD case. On the back it could have had a photograph of the audience falling asleep and a quote by Roger and Ebert - something to the extent of: "what the f*@! did we just waste our time watching!"

Now I haven't seen the original version, but I can tell you that it's probably better than the remake. The movie's PG-13 rating takes almost all of the thrill and suspense out of the film.

The beginning of the movie starts off sudden, but afterwards there's a nice drought of action until the first prom killing. The PG13 rating makes the death scenes quite bland and boring. You won't see the victims actually getting attacked, but you'll see silhouettes and blood smears. That's about it.

The characters in the movie make it seem like you're watching a movie of The Hills. The girls are the classic "dumb blonde" stereotypes while the men are the typical "hard jock" stereotype. Any angst there is between the characters is very dry and holds no real meaning to the overall movie.

The plot is very predictable, I sat through the entire movie correctly guessing what was going to happen next and when something good was going to happen.

All in all, this is a good movie if you're looking for some good laughs, but overall don't expect to be extremely happy with the final product. Personally I'd wait for the movie to come out on DVD. If you've seen any other slasher film, chances are you could guess every next move in this movie.

I get that this movie is objectively terrible, but it is such a guilty pleasure of mine. The bad acting, the cut-away murders, the dumb plot, everything comes together to make Prom Night so dang enjoyable.

This film has two separate identities: one is a petty high school drama where the girls make fun of the lesbian teacher, bicker with the popular girl and reminisce about the good ol' days while anxiously dreading graduation. The other is a creepy slasher flick involving an obsessed teacher who kills people in front of their children, stashes bodies in the ceiling and cries while looking at a camera (with a dead body sitting next to him). Unfortunately, these two storylines conflict with each other more than they build off one another.

That being said, there is a special place in my teenage heart for Prom Night. Every few years I have to revisit this movie just to remember that it exists.

Best Character: Lisa Best Quote: "Michael is making me so darn mad. And on top of that, I have killer cramps!" - Claire Best Scene: The Construction Level Murder

Note: Shoutout to Ronnie. Poor guy didn't know what he was signing up for by being friends with Donna.

Note 2: Uncle Jack deserved to die.

Note 3: This movie made me HATE the mirrors that open/shut. Too many jump scares.

I'm not particularly fond of remakes, or to steal the modern jargon "retellings", but this film truly peeved me off. The original Prom Night, while not in my humble estimation a masterpiece, still realized what it was... horror. There are some simple things to remember when making a horror film. Suspense is crucial to maintaining the interest of the audience. Sorry folks, but a white knuckle film this was not! The scares were cheap, and foreshadowed terribly. (A good example of scare which has been done to clichéd excess now, is the cat jumping out of the closet, followed soon there after but a now unexpected appearance by the villain of the film) This film couldn't successfully pull that off, so how could I expect it to fulfill any of the other conventions of horror film. There needs to be a likable hero or heroine. This film doesn't have one. The person I most identified with was the head detective. His calm demeanor, but level headed approach to the escape of a killer was what more films of this ilk should have. Common sense approach to events that occur. (If you're running from an Axe wielding psycho, you turn and sprint in the opposite direction. Not jog, whilst looking back ever three seconds, gaging the killer's progress, only to trip over every branch and inanimate object in your path.) If you friend disappears, you don't go looking for them alone. And if you suspect foul play you tell someone, not investigate yourself. These clichés are tired and well overplayed. In the horror genre in general, and in this film in particular.