Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

What the hell was that mess I just watched??? Well, apparently it was meant to be the sickest, scariest, most disturbing thing ever made. Well, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is far from any of those, in fact, it was merely a pathetic attempt to shock using vomit-gore. And there wasn't even that much of it, it was mainly some random nudity and a girl talking about her feelings. It was poorly edited, it had no plot whatsoever, the music was appalling and for some reason the director slowed down the voices. That was just irritating.

The gore was fairly well done with some sick effects (including a detailed face-stabbing/eye removal scene) but some were spoiled by ludicrous events. Eg. a girl gets her arm sawed off then she is handed a guitar (WTF????!!!!!????!!!). Really dumb and unintentionally funny. The vomit scenes were fairly nauseating but they were all just them sticking their hands down their throats.

Please, don't waste your life on this movie, it was pointless and boring as *beep*. Just a pathetic attempt to be shocking.

0/5.

The best thing about Lucifer Valentine's Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is its lurid title.

Devoid of a coherent narrative and lacking technical merit of any sort, this 'movie' succeeded only in making me feel slightly queasy, thanks to endless shots of degenerate low-lifes making themselves puke. Since I've always found the sight of people yarfing up their lunch rather off-putting, that really is no great achievement.

Valentine's cast are a skeezy bunch of strippers, whores and losers who prattle on to the camera about who-knows-what, only stopping in order to lose their lunch onto glass top coffee tables, into toilet bowls, and, in one scene, into a person's skull cavity (after they have had their cranium removed and their brains eaten). To a lover of extreme film-making, this might sound like an unmissable treat; but don't be fooled—it isn't.

I am unsure as to whether this movie is supposed to be art, exploitation, or something else entirely, but the one thing I am sure about is that it is complete and utter rubbish. I guess the gore (which includes a prolonged scene of eyeball fondling) might've made the whole thing just about bearable, if the dodgy camera-work and bad editing hadn't made it so difficult to see what was happening.

Add to the lousy visuals a headache-inducing cacophonous soundtrack, and the result is an incomprehensible mess that has found a small (and, judging by the comments on IMDb, mostly disappointed) audience only by appealing to their sense of morbid curiosity.

Have you seen the trailer to this film? Well, imagine that same thing only have it last 71 minutes long. That's basically what this film is. There's a lot of puking, guts, nudity, and satanic music, but none of it means anything. There is no substance, style, taste, originality, plot, acting, or script. I could make a movie just like this.

1.) Buy and take the time to create a bunch of fake body parts and gross effects to have them at my disposal and then film my friends getting naked and pretending to do gross things with them.

2.) I mix a few buckets of fake blood and guts, tell them to all get naked, make a lot of pea soup, splash them with the stuff and have them pretending to vomit the stuff out, and then turn the camera on, dim the lights, and start filming.

3.) I cover them with fake blood and guts and hen tell them to tell them to get naked and pretend to puke them out. Then I turn the camera on again, dim the lights and film them doing that.

4.) The I could make some industrial music and then run it through a computer mixer and have it play backwards and then record that on the soundtrack.

5.) I rinse and repeat all three things and then take the footage and edit it all together and make it as disjointed and unplanned as possible.

6.) Then, I take the footage, add credits and print it and BAM! I have made a film with the same amount of creativity and appeal.

So that's it. The director, Lucifer Valentine, obviously had a lot of fun making this, but he neglected to make a movie. It's too bad because I could totally see him making something even crazier and more messed up and creative than this. If you like gore, well, you've seen better.

After reviewing some of LV's more recent "movies" I decided to come back and re-visit some of his early pieces, where it all began. Over the years I think he has really censored much of his work, or moved much more towards emitophilia and away from gore. Which I guess is okay? Idk its not like either were super great themes or entertaining movies. Once you've seen one you've still somewhat seen 'em all.

A bit of a disclaimer: this truly is just torture porn... Like in definition if you break the words down. If your looking for that sort of thing its probably something you'll "enjoy" but personally I'm not too into it. The gore is decent, quite over the top in a "silly goofy way" thats hard to appreciate at times. And the gore is also completely lacking any context or meaning. What I mean by this is the film has no plot, to make a movie like this work you often need a reason or point (example: in I Spit on Your Grave we were voting for the MC due to her past with the "ViCtEmS". This movie doesnt really offer any of that.

Something I can appreciate that is a take away from this movie is that LV does later make some advances in his movies. His more recent works (Angela Chapters) stray from pure vomit/gore and introduce a story... or theme. And he really starts "taking advantage" of his actresses past (controverial stuff I wont be diving into). The only downside of this? It still just isn't that good. Other movies do it better.

Marking as no spoilers because there really isnt anything to spoil.

Ameara's actress died in 2017, its interesting to see how she changed through LV's films and in a way these almost act as a descent into the gutters of society. One film at a time, influenced by another who used them to entertain reddit edgelords online and people lost in trauma wondering "Why do I search for these things again?"

Its a 5/10. Its just neutral and idk how to rate it. Idk what scale to put it up against.

This movie does not belong to any genre of films, it shouldn't even be CALLED a movie. It is a one hour and ten minutes long video of people getting slaughtered in extremely gross ways, and people continuously vomiting on each other. The one thing this movie for sure is, is a huge waste of time. Don't ever bother watching it.