Berbagi Suami

Ponder upon these questions: Is polygamy correct? Can the love found in a polygamous marriage possibly be sincere? Is a love for share worth the fight? Most westerners, if not all, would propose negating arguments to answer all of the questions. But to some Indonesians, it is a matter of making them convinced.

With a subtle partiality to the opposing side, Berbagi Suami (Love for Share, Kalyana Shira Films, 2006) tries to gracefully induce a big 'no' into the mind of its audience by presenting three separate yet intertwined stories about three men (Pak Haji, Paklik, Koh Abun) who manage to have more than one wife at the same time. To disclose the ironies of their marriages, the stories are narrated by three of the wives, Pak Haji's first wife, the benevolent Salma (Jajang C. Noer); Paklik's third, the gullible Siti (Shanty); and Koh Abun's second, the naïve and perky Ming (Dominique).

In the first story, Berbagi Suami boldly relates polygamy to religion and politics. Upholding his title as a haji, Pak Haji (El Manik) puts forward the argument that he is practicing polygamy in order to avoid adultery. In certain Islamic interpretation, it is legal for a man to marry up to four women as long as he can be fair to each and every one of them. A man of self-esteem, Pak Haji is also a political figure, and as an effort to confirm that his choice to practice polygamy is politically correct, he has Salma speak about how wonderful he is as a husband in a television talk show. Salma has to emphasize that Pak Haji has always been fair to all of his wives, a statement proved wrong by the second wife's persistence, out of jealousy towards Salma, to win Pak Haji's attention. In a scene where Pak Haji can no longer get out of bed due to his illness, he admits that having more than just one wife is exhausting. In a trembling voice, he says to his son, "One is enough." Compared to the "cold war" that occurs in the first story, the relationship between the wives in the next family is extremely different. Set in a lower class environment, the second story tells how Siti, following her paklik (uncle, Lukman Sardi) to Jakarta with the classic to-find-a-better-life motivation, sees herself trapped in a household that adopts a lifestyle so unorthodox that her uncle's two wives happily make shift so as to determine who sleeps when with their man, while the other stays with their children in an adjacent room, ignoring the yelps and the groans. There are dozens of kids in the family, but even after Siti is talked into marrying her own uncle, the other two wives conceive yet again, concurringly! It is said that the house belongs to Sri (Ria Irawan), the nymphomaniac first wife. When Paklik decided to take another wife, Sri must have allowed it, otherwise she could have kicked him out of her house. Economically, however, all of the wives depend highly on the husband; a representation of Indonesia's patriarchal system that assigns the women to domestic roles, where the men work outside the house and, as the movie satirically remarks, find other women while they are at it. When the wives find out that Sri is infected with a sexually transmitted disease—a turn of event that feels a little forced—Siti chucks in and decides to flee with Dwi (Rieke Diah Pitaloka), the second wife.

The third story makes us falter over which character to blame. Ming is a beautiful young woman with a dream to become a movie star, but so far life has only allowed her to work in a Chinese roast duck restaurant that belongs to Koh Abun (Tio Pakusadewo). Married with two children, Koh Abun learns that he simply cannot resist Ming's beauty. After promising her material security as well as recognition from his wife, Koh Abun marries Ming when his wife is overseas. It later turns out that he can only fulfill his first promise. Unlike the wives in the first and second story, Cik Linda (Ira Maya Sopha) faces her competitor and makes sure that Ming pays. She gets thrown out of the apartment Koh Abun gave her, while he cannot do anything but provide her with some money to find another place as well as to get by.

Our main characters are depicted, though only moderately, as victims of the men's world. During the discussion after the world premiere of Berbagi Suami in Taman Budaya Yogyakarta on March 18, 2006, a woman asked the director why the movie did not capture the extreme sides of polygamy, the pain, the tears. To some people, the lack of beating and swearing in the movie may be a disappointment. But some people do think that Berbagi Suami deserves a mention as an honest movie—honest enough to question the integrity of any polygamous marriage institution. Entertainment-wise, for those who find it hard to pick between which one to watch, this movie or Heart, I suggest they watch the latter, as Berbagi Suami might cause brain damage to those who cannot think a little harder.

An Indonesian friend gave me this DVD, and I wish it could get a wider audience. The English subtitles are easy to follow. The characters are complex. It is not simply "polygamy is bad."

If I put all of my favorites Indonesian films on the wall, "Berbagi Suami" would surely be on the very top.

The idea of intertwining characters; complete with their own unique encounter with polygamy - in so many different circumstances, that accidentally meets along the story is BRILLIANT!! Beautifully presented with precision timing that puts us in complete awe.

The film would surely stab the conscious so many Indonesians that either being involved within or even considering to get into the realm of polygamy.

A surely smart yet amusingly funny in a way, a film really worth watching.

It's one of Indonesian main issues nowadays.. Polygamy can happen to anybody, rich/poor people, well educated/low educated, rural/urban.

In the movies, polygamy describe without prejudice, just go with the flow, allow viewers to decide is Polygamy a good thing or a bad thing? It has 3 sides of the story. First, a wealthy doctor woman who found out that her husband have more than 1 wife. Second, a rural girl in the city & marry her supposed to be uncle or something (I kinda forgot :P) live in a small house with his other wife & kids. Third, a young Chinese girl fall in love (or in lust?) with her boss who happen to be married. The maker of the movie no doubt have her inspiration from the scene and music from Wong karwai movies, or those kind of typical movies, but still have her own style.

About polygamy it self: Some of the people that conduct polygamy said that they want to help other by marrying them (save them from poverty), some of them said that it's better than cheating (because it's allow by the religion & it's not perceive as sin. For me polygamy is a disguise for satisfying a man Lust and his Greediness. Even if he said that to save from poverty, the first reason always got to do with his "Penis". In Al Quran it self said that a man can conduct polygamy only if it fair to the wife (especially the first wife that 100% will always refuse "dimadu"/ polygamy, that's why the man always never ask for permission to have a second wife with his first wife, because they will says no!) so, it's not a fair deal isn't it....

Btw, Watch the movie...You'll love it! :)

Nia Dinata's sophomore feature weaves together three intertwined stories about polygamy, marriage, and relationships. Handsomely shot, warmly acted, and smartly written with complex but identifiable characters and smart, believable dialogue, 'Berbagi Suami' is an all-round entertaining and thought-provoking classic.