The Witches of Breastwick

I was up late one night playing starcraft when I happened to stumble upon this movie, given the clever title, I decided to watch it. Although my friends KT and Kain were disappointed that I left my game to watch this movie, all I can say is that this movie was head and shoulders above any game I've ever played. Quite possibly one of the best Cinemax movies of all time, the scenes are realistic and the women scorching, although some of the witches are definitely more endearing than the others, the plot line has a nice balance of tackyness and credibility, and there are tons of different scenes to satisfy all of those looking for some good, late-night movies, including G-G and M-G. Although it isn't going to be winning any awards, the acting isn't half bad and is much better than what is usually on. I give it 10 out of 10 inches.

It is unbelievable how many genre mistakes sneak up to IMDb. It says horror for this crap. From a title, it was obvious to me that it is an erotic movie, but I was curious how they managed to combine erotic and horror into one movie. The answer is - they did not! This is plain soft porn and kind that will disappoint both fans of horror and fans of porn. Complete failure.

3/10

Right, well I was lead to believe that this 2005 movie "The Witches of Breastwick" from writer and director Jim Wynorski was a comedy spoof, though I have to admit that the movie's title was setting off an alarm. Yet, I opted to give the movie the benefit of the doubt. And with it being listed as a romantic fantasy here on IMDb, I figured that it might not be all that bad.

Boy was I wrong. "The Witches of Breastwick" is a softcore porn movie, through and through. And I turned off the movie not even 8 minutes into the ordeal. But by then there had been enough imitated sex scenes to indicate what kind of movie this was. And I just have no interest in watching that, life is too short for these kind of movies.

Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, or performers might be a more adequate term to use here.

And I have zero interest in attempting to watch the remaining 70 minutes of the movie. I just have no interest in it whatsoever.

My rating of writer and director Jim Wynorski's 2005 movie "The Witches of Breastwick" lands on a one out of ten stars. A fun pun on the "Witches of Eastwick" movie, for sure, but the contents of this dumpster fire of a movie ain't worth the time of day.

It's director Jim Wynorski. Same house a bunch of his T&A flicks were shot at. It shares a lot of similar setups, boobs, simulated sex and vibe. Julie K Smith is here - yay - but it's hard to enjoy 'Witches' when you've seen an identical product nearly three times in a row. Chronologically it's the second of the four released. 'Lust Connection' and 'Witches' came in 2005 and then Jim followed up with 'The Breastford Wives' and 'House on Hooter Hill' in 2007. The extremely busty Glori-Anne Gilbert is the one and only consistent face thru them all.

'Witches of Breastwick' repeats the thin plot motif, but a little more heavier on dialog. Julie K Smith's appearance is better than what's found in 'Lust Connection'. While pornstar Stormy Daniels makes her debut in a Wynorski flick. Those two plus Glori-Anne make up the trio of the titular witches looking to perform a sacrificial ritual of the lone dude. Who's been racked with nightmares over these women which ultimately drew him there.

Monique Parent plays his wife. Jodie Moore shows up to do a brief strip as a therapist assistant and Taimie Hannum is the prerequisite warning female who also wants to have sex with the dude. A slight bump in explicitness was a welcomed surprise. You actually get to see some muff. More magical poisoned wine. Brisk runtime (78 mins). Shot quickly and cheaply. Of the bunch, I thought 'The Breastford Wives' delivered the best across the board, but this is alright as long as you don't sit thru them all.

The Witches of Breastwick (2005)

*** (out of 4)

Fun softcore spoof has David (Joe Souza) having a dream that he is tied up by three mysterious women. This dream has been going on for several weeks and his wife Tiffany (Monique Parent) is started to get worried. Soon the two are out having sex and David notices a tree from his dream. Soon they go searching and find the women from David's dream.

As the title suggests, this here is one of those low-budget spoofs and this one here is actually pretty darn good. If one is looking for CITIZEN KANE then obviously you're not going to find it here but if you're a fan of these softcore spoofs then there's a lot to enjoy here. Director Jim Wynorski pretty much delivers one non-stop sex scene after another with one beautiful woman right after the other.

What I enjoy most about Whynorski's work is that there's really no fat in the picture and he pretty much keeps things moving at a very fast pace. There's nothing worse than watching a plot less film that pretty much slows down and you lose interest in what you're seeing. Some might say that there's nothing to see in a film like this outside of the women and I'd somewhat agree but I'm sure we've all seen films that are full of nudity and yet they still get boring.

THE WITCHES OF BREASTWICK has a fairly funny, if very simple, plot and the actors all do a nice job with their scenes. Souza makes for a good leading actor in a film like this and he's got some real beauties surrounding him including Stormy Daniels, Julie K. Smith and Jodie Moore. As you'd expect, the sex scenes are pretty non-stop but they're quite sexy and fun.