Satanic

Woooaah Nelly!!! Talk about a cinematic suckfest! This movie blows. Wait it sucks. Damn, I can't decide which it does more but it's very very poor quality crap that barely qualifies for the status of being an actual movie.

If you are in an UBER stupid mood you can sit through this just to watch a dumb movie. It's pretty incredibly lame w special effects and it's absolutely the most unbelievable acting ever. If you don't mind a so bad that it's kinda good in a retarded way- you can add this to your roster of crap to half pay attention to sometime. However- if you are looking for a decent horror movie keep walkin' buddy, nothing to see here.. nothing to see here.

A few things to show you how dumb this movie is- some scenes of the bandaged face are bandages, others are a hard mask that is obviously different yet both are supposed to represent the same thing- which is pathetic.

Right in line with the production quality of the rest of this worthless dog.

The lead girl is pretty curvy though. One yum to that.

Utterly incoherent storyline, character development that does absolutely nothing, and awful acting. There is absolutely no reason to see this movie unless you're into sadism and masochism.

It starts off with a kid and her father in a car wreck, followed by horrible CGI, terribly fake stage setting, and giving the appearance that the movie might actually be interesting. Next scene, she's in the hospital, after having a miraculous recovery and facial rebuilding.

She ends up in some kind of foster home for troubled kids, and it doesn't really do anything from there. At all. Nothing. The first 3/4 of the movie is "character development" that does nothing, and the last 1/4 is exposition galore that also, surprisingly, does nothing.

Stale, emotionless acting, one of the most predictable and cliché endings to anything I've seen in awhile, and an incredibly weak - almost non-existent - plot kill this movie. There are absolutely no redeeming qualities to this movie aside from the random nude shots, and even those are boring.

2/10

I usually start my reviews with a brief synopsis but I really can't be bothered with this one. Since I was a kid I've had an interest in the occult, especially the darker side, so when I saw this DVD going cheap it instantly grabbed my attention. But instead of getting Black Masses we just get some goth chick with an evil looking Ouija board and one of the worst demons I've ever had the misfortune to see, some bad actor in a crappy rubber suit and dubbed with one of those awful "demonic" voices! The plot is rubbish, as is most of the acting. The ONLY 2 reasons why I have generously scored this 3 out of 10 instead of 2 is: firstly, the presence of horror legends Angus Scrimm and Jeffrey Combs (really just a cameo, pointless one at that); secondly, there is some brief but welcome nudity, in particular a short but very nice shower scene (I'm sure a body double was employed). Looking at the other reviews, one stands out - 9/10 by Horror Geek, who coincidently reviewed this when the movie came out & is his/hers only imdb review! Avoid!

A hodgepodge mess of a film that has no spark, life's and dull and most damningly wastes the talents of not one, but two horror movie mainstays. Jeffrey Combs has a minuscule part, and thus, as wasted on the movie as he is, he gets off lighter then poor Angus Scrimm who has a bigger part in this fiasco. I spent much of the film merely feeling bad for him.

Michelle, disfigured from a car accident gets partial amnesia as well as a reconstructed face before going to her new life in a halfway-house where a murder lurks. The twist is so god-awful but it fits with the rest of the movie, if only in that the rest of the film is awful as well.

Very uneven lowish production values hurt, but there are some good ideas in the script and the Combs and Scrimm are fine in basically not much roles,probably lured by director Dan Golden's knowing them than by the material, though both have been in worse roles in worse movies. James Russo's part is almost as "big" but as Combs but they didn't have the guts to claim he stars in the movie. However using Combs name first on the box is exploitation in the worst sense he's barely in the movie. Scrimm has a bigger but ultimately no pay off role. Movie is about OUJA board more than anything Satanic other than the credit sequence in lava-hell landscape.

So what's really bad about the movie is a slapdash editing and really crappy sound job and lousy music score that lifts a "cut to commercial" music signature bit from Charlie's Angels.

Also the principal cast is pretty bad and much post production re-dubbing of voices sounds like it was done by one actor impersonating the the cast rather poorly. And if those are the actors voices, almost impossible, but if those are then the post production sound is even worse than I'm giving it "credit" for.

The occasional crappy sets and pretty bad make-up further drag this down into the dumps. Some okay ideas from director Golden but usually defeated by one problem or another. But in the shameful hall of Lionsgate "pick up" movies this is for the most part not a total rip off, if you can overlook the sloppy editing. Sometimes shots linger just long enough to make you chuckle at a odd performance or a not so great effect, that would have been fine if it didn't linger.

Sure it's shot on video, like everything will be soon, quality varies but there is far worse looking stuff out there, but the sound really really tries to bury this one in the ground, lousy demon voices and that music score, it's like, well how can I say, bad.