Killer Pterosaurus

Sci-Fi Channel. Home of the worst movies imaginable.

Sadly, these movies aren't bad in the "so bad they're good" way, despite what the fools who run the network might want you to believe. They are just BAD. As in "a pain to watch". "Without value". The only way to make movies like this remotely entertaining would be to make them utter comedies. Sadly, though, movies such as "Pterodactyl" are not comedic, just pathetic.

Were these characters and was the acting supposed to be funny somehow? They were utterly abominable! From the stereotypical diva actually looking at herself in the mirror for minutes at a time and saying "I love you" to her reflection to geeks who are like Urkel without the charisma. Was it supposed to be funny? Were we supposed to laugh? Maybe the first 1,000 times we saw such exaggerated stereotypes they might have been mildly amusing. Now they're just lame and tired. Can't laugh at them. Can't hate them. Can't like them. We can only hate watching them.

Send these flying dinos after the management of the Sci-Fi Channel. Now THAT would be funny and elicit great cheering from the fans of the Sci-Fi genre!

This movie is proof that our Army just isn't ready for a war against dinosaurs. And we should get ready, because terrorists around the world who have access to this fill now know our weakness. The guys in this movie shot so much led into the air i found myself wondering why some of it isn't raining down on them and killing them. So many of the characters were narrowly avoiding death and i hated them all so much that i started to make up fantasies in my head about cool ways they could die, their own bullets coming down being one of the best.

During the course of this 2005 summer blockbuster you see these peaceful winged dinosaurs get some really bad press. Now i myself have only once met a Pterodactly so i can't speak for all of them but what i do know is that they are not found of eating people. Don't believe me, you could always google it. They ate fish. They cannot fly fast enough to rip off a man's torso from his legs, and if their wing hit a guys head i assure you both the guy and the dactyl would be on the ground screaming together rather then the guy's head coming off. That aside, i really like it when people come apart in movies. As for the bullets, dinosaurs came from a time before bullets, they don't believe in such things. The power of belief kept them safe from man's weapons. That is one theory i have. The second one is that they had on bullet proof vests. The dinosaurs were terribly rendered so they could have been wearing dresses and it would have been a struggle to tell.

Why didn't i rate this a one you ask? I hope your asking cause i'm gunna tell you. Because Coolio is in it. Coolio is the only rapper turned actor i like in a movie. After watching his performance in Dracula 3,000 (see my review for that if you dare) i can't hate anything he touches. I take that back, i can hate them, cause i sure hated both this movie and Dracula 3000, but i won't ever rate one of his movies a 1.

So Don Rumsfeld, this movie better be playing 24/7 in the pentagon as a warning to you all... get ready for Muslim extremists riding unstoppable dactyls into things. Bullets can't stop them, nothing can. Nothing... except coolio.

Like Tremors this is not meant to be art it is fun take it as such. it is a parody of this genre which i happen to like.

only downer is loss of the geek and goofy blond so early.

dialogue is simple and predictable yet watch it for the fun of it and enjoy.

when was the last time you saw pterodactyls? the special effects weren't Star Wars but the flying dinosaurs at least didn't look like they were little clay figures.

over all this is a movie to watch on a cloudy afternoon and talk back to the characters.

I gave this movie 2*'s to save the rating of 1* on the chance that there are worse movies out there. It's possible. The acting was horrible, but I've seen worse (usually when they decide they need *real* athletes to play roles). The special effects were bad, but I've seen worse (they're usually 50 years old though). The dialog was ridiculous (trying to remember when I've seen worse, but nothing comes to mind -- oh wait, maybe some of the dialog in the recent Star Wars movies). As giant-monster-terrorizing-helpless-people movies go - they're not known for deep character development - this one stood out as being exceptionally bad, as none of the characters behave at any time in any way that a normal human would reasonably be expected to behave under the circumstances. That's quite an accomplishment in itself. This movie might have been funny with a roomful of good friends and lots of tequila. Unfortunately, I had neither at the time.

The SciFi Channel loves movies about resurrected prehistoric beasts and other monsters. The methodology is always the same: not only are they bulletproof, but bullets hitting them do not even make them wince. The characters, even out in the wide open spaces, never see any more perspective than the audience. They can be surprised by the sudden appearance of a dangerous creature, even when they should have seen it coming a long way off. These animals also always have endless appetites and agendas of death and destruction. This would be an unlikely and unsafe lifestyle for any animal.

Here we had Pterodactyls, actually Pteranodons to be more precise. While all dinosaurs were somewhat fragile and susceptible to injury, flying reptiles were extremely fragile. They probably ate fish, rather than risk tangling with any size of land prey. Human beings would have been extra large prey. To them, we would resemble a two-legged predator, and they would likely avoid us, or at least treat us with great caution.

If one want's to see more realistic dinosaurs, series such as "Walking with Dinosaurs" are a much better bet. In "Chased by Sea Monsters," naturalist Nigel Marvin is show feeding a simulated Pteranodon. There was no movie mayhem here, just a realistic flying reptile.