Eiskalt wie die Hölle

One would think the timely subject of global warming and climate change would offer plenty of good fodder for a competent writer but this movie wastes an embarrassment of riches. All the worst adjectives apply here: tired, hackneyed, predictable, boring, etc. I've sat through some remarkably bad movies but I was actually angry with myself for wasting 96 minutes with this one. It starts poorly and the basement level production quality gives the first hint of what's to come. Even if you can get past the abysmal script and cardboard cut-out acting (can't blame the third rate thespians here, they had absolutely zero to work with), there's such bad science being presented that you can't even relate to the events that unfold. The plot takes place in Miami Florida but was filmed in Canada which means stock footage of the Miami skyline and Florida seashore with bad porn incidental music is cut in with actors walking around the port authority of Toronto, a marina in Quebec or some such place. "I see boat masts…it's gotta be South Beach!" The film's laziness with geography is second only to its ignorance of basic science and the direction of the flow of the Gulf Stream. For once the title of the film advertises exactly how entertaining it is. I'll never admit to seeing this one.

ABSOLUTE ZERO is an absolute pig of a film; conceived as a zero-budget, made-in-Canada rip-off of THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, it has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. The modern-day disaster movies made by the SyFy Channel and The Asylum look like masterpieces by comparison.

The storyline sees part of a glacier breaking off to bring winter to Miami. Soon enough the whole of Florida is at freezing point so it's up to the usual renegade scientist and his extended family to do something about it. Everything imaginable about the movie is horrid: the script, the dialogue, the almost entire lack of believability throughout. The CGI effects of snow drifts and storms look like they've been drawn onto the camera with a child's pencil. The constant melodrama is laughable.

Hardworking B-movie actor Jeff Fahey is the gruff lead here, but even he looks flabby and tired by the whole thing. BAYWATCH actress Erika Eleniak plays his estranged wife, but there were only ever a couple of reasons why she was popular and they've long since headed south. As usual, a couple of annoying teenage children turn out to be the cleverest ones around.

This film is something which should never have been made. The acclaimed science in the film has no base whatsoever in fact. Absolute zero is impossible to obtain, the closest anyone has every got it 0.00001 of a Kelvin, which is close but not it. Also this isn't obtained by just shifting the magnetic poles as the magnetic force is too weak to cause this sort of affect. The position of the ice sheets is not caused by the magnetic poles but more the relation to the sun. If absolute zero was reached the atmosphere would freeze well before that point was reached so the people in the film would suffocate if they some how managed to survive. There is also a claim that science is never wrong (which is totally contradicted in the movie itself) as well as science isn't right all the time, it is just the best guess given the information available. Finally there is a scene towards the end of the movie where the building seems to be pressurized and the main character claims this is because the outside air is so cold it creates a drop in pressure which is the same in aircraft, yet another this that is totally incorrect with no fact behind it. So in total this is a movie which should be burnt and the writer should be out of a job for lack of research of common sense.

I feel dumber for having watched this. The acting is awful. The plot is ridiculous. The storyline is completely nonsensical. Even if you rent this to get a glimpse of Erika Eleniak you will be disappointed. Yes she is in there, but the term 'aging playmate' is painfully accurate. Effects: laughable. Character development: a joke. I can not say enough bad things about this movie. Maybe it was intended as a joke on 'The Day After Tomorrow'. If so, its not very funny. Jeff Fahey's mom turned it off half way through. Ugh. Gack. Bad. Horrible. I want my hour and a half back. It is a struggle to come up with 10 lines about this movie without resorting to repeating the words 'sucks' over and over again. The science is bad. The acting is bad. The filming is bad. The concept is bad. This is a bad movie.

It's difficult to say where to start with this movie... The terrible script, the cartoon-like effects, the horrid acting, the stupid premise, the aging playboy playmate, the complete lack of scientific probability...

Take away the hand full of things that were good about "The day After Tomorrow" and pile on a clichéd script and no money, this is what you will get.

Quick plot: The earth's magnetic field switches polarity in a matter of hours, causing the temperature in Miami to drop to zero degrees Kelvin! This movie follows the intrepid band of researchers who said "I told you so!"

Shudder. Shiver. Shudder. Shudder.

This movie was so bad that I couldn't even watch it for the camp value. It was like watching a train wreck. You want to. But at some point, you just have to turn away from the carnage.