Evil Twins

I'm a devout Crispin Glover fan, and will always give a watch to anything he's in. From classics to genre oddities to mainstream pap, he's had a career that touches many points.... while the productions he's in might not all be winners, at least he can be counted-on for an entertaining (and often unique) performance.

Not so with SIMON SAYS. This movie is just dismal. Obviously shot on DV and starring a cast of poorly-played stereotypes, SIMON SAYS feels like a student-film... it tries hard at times, but just keeps failing. Story - non-existent Characters - generic and stiff Dialogue - embarrassing SFX - way wayyyy too much (unconvincing) CGI

I wanted to just stop the flick early and end my pain, but ultimately I was drawn to know what on earth Crispin Glover saw in this project. I mean, maybe he did it strictly for the money (and if this production *DID* ever have a budget, certainly most of it MUST have gone to his salary). I have to presume that's the only reason he signed-onto this pile of crap.

Avoid this one. It isn't fun, it isn't "so-bad-it's-good"... it's just a p!ss-poor piece of crap.

I like to call this Scooby-Do Meets The OC "The Case of the Spooky Twins". In the Mystery Machine, Shaggy(Zack), Fred(Riff), Velma (Ashley) Daphne(Vicky) and Lonnie(Fred's Groupie), are fishing for gold in an abandoned, um Ghosttown. They soon meet the Gravediggers who tell them of the dangers of the place they are about to visit! Some people get offed in some mildly inventive ways (and even Scrappy-Do get's in on the action, poor pup) We even meet some characters that we weren't even introduced to that help fight the Ghost but... I won't spoil it but You may see this episode play over and over again! I like Crispin Glove from Back to the Future to his really off the wall things. His portrayal as twins is not far fetched seeing as how he had always seemed to have dual personalities. The supporting cast including the whole Liveley Family (love Red Head Robyn) are mildly entertaining but background to this plot. It could have been Freddy or Jason, But the pick axes set them aside and would have love to have seen this in a 3D style!

The pothead Zack (Greg Cipes); the sweethearts Kate (Margo Harshman) and Riff (Artie Baxter); the slut Vicky (Carrie Finklea); and the spoiled Ashley (Kelly Vitz) travel by van to the backwoods to camp. They meet two strange graveyard diggers that advise them to leave the place otherwise they could be murdered. Then they meet the deranged retarded Simon (Crispin Glover) in the gas station and Riff has a friction with the guy. They find a paradisiac spot to camp at the riverside, but Simon and Stanley transform their holiday in a nightmarish night.

"Simon Says" is another absurd and stupid slasher that follows the style of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Wrong Turn" and other films of this sub-genre of horror. Crispin Glover performs an annoying character that keeps saying "and you forgot to say…Simon says" (even in the end of the credits). But the most irritating in this story is the ability and invulnerability of his undestroyable character. My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Siga o Mestre" ("Follow the Master")

A thoroughly bizarre horror movie in which a deranged Crispin Glover (is there any other kind) boobytraps a stretch of woodland with 1001 flying pickaxes and waits for a bunch of irritating teens to stumble onto the scene. I've never really understood the logic of populating a movie with completely unlikeable characters. It makes for pretty tedious viewing when the only reason for watching is not the hope that the characters survive, but that they will die sooner, rather than later. And the teens here, played by the usual bunch of pretty twenty-somethings, are some of the most irritating in horror history. Luckily, 'Simon Says' benefits from the presence of Crispin Glover, who is hilarious camping it up with a bizarre high-pitched accent that seems like a cross between English aristocracy and Louisiana Creole. He's clearly acting in a completely different movie that exists only in his own head and thank God for it. The kills are pretty creative and grizzly with a lot of messy dismemberment, but veteran writer/director Bill Dear has little interest in originality or developing any suspense or real fear. For fans of Glover's unique style, this is an often very funny must-see movie. For everybody else it's a pretty average teen slasher.

I remember watching this film years ago. It was hilarious bad then and it's still just as bad after rewatching it again. It had some good Kills! The acting was cheesy as hell. 3/10