WWE Armageddon

At the previous SmackDown-only p.p.v. - No Mercy - the matches were good except for the main event. At Armageddon it's exactly the opposite.

Match 1: RVD & Rey Mysterio vs. Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree. WWE Tag Team Championship.

• Can anyone remember the last time RVD had a singles match on a p.p.v.? This feud is so lame and uninspiring. In fact this is exactly the same match from exactly the same people that we've seen on SmackDown for months now. Only difference is that this match lasts 17 minutes, which only makes it worse.

Match Rating: 2/5

Match 2: Kurt Angle vs. Santa Claus (?)

• If you are one of those who can't get enough of Angle squashing jobbers on SmackDown, here's a match for you. Some guy in a Santa dress comes out and Kurt makes him tap to the Ankle Lock. Angle may get some heel heat for it. Still feels like a waste of time though.

Match Rating: No Rating.

Puder and Mizanin get some mic time before their upcoming fight. Mizanin sounds surprisingly good for a rookie.

Match 3: Daniel Puder vs. Mike Mizanin. Dixie Dog Fight.

• What are these guys training to be? Boxers? Arm wrestlers? Seriously, I don't think any serious wrestling fan cares who is most successful in "Torrie Wilson's Sex Test" or such crap. We want wrestling and, just like the Diva Search, this Tough Enough contest has had absolutely nothing to do with wrestling. After three rounds of boxing, Puder is declared the winner via crowd decision! Lame!

Match Rating: No Rating.

We see Eddie and Booker talk about teaming up against Undertaker.

Match 4: Bashams vs. Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas

• We are into the second hour and we've had one wrestling match. Great. Haas and Holly look nothing like a tag team and the lack of build up is what drags in this match. By the way, I can't believe we're actually supposed to cheer for duds like Hardcore Holly. Bashams look good though. Good to see these guys getting air time.

Match Rating: 2/5

Match 5: John Cena vs. Jesus. US Championship Street Fight.

• Only purpose with this match is to make Cena's character look more intense. I think they could have a higher ambition considering this is a p.p.v. Zero wrestling moves here. That means five less than the usual Cena match…

Match Rating: 1/5

Match 6: Dawn Marie vs. Miss Jackie. Referee: Charlie Haas.

• This feud has taken up too much time for my liking. Dawn wins after a fantastic example of creative booking: a roll-up! Charlie doesn't want anything to do with Jackie anymore. He says Jackie is like a dead wet fish in bed. LOL

Match Rating: 1/5

Match 7: Reigns, Jindrak & Angle vs. Big Show. 3-on-1 Handicap.

• The heels cheat as much as they can but Big Show keeps the upper hand. Show dominates Angle's crew for most of the time and wins with an F-5 (?) in 10 minutes. Not exactly terrible, but it puzzles me how Angle can beat Big Show at Armageddon 2002 and now lose to him, despite having Jindrak and Reigns to help him. They might as well kill off his heel stable now because nobody will take it seriously anymore.

Match Rating: 2/5

Funaki interviews himself backstage. Crap, just like every other Funaki segment.

Match 8: Funaki vs. Spike. Cruiserweight Championship.

• I never though I should say this but I miss the Dudleys at ringside. The Un-Body, Spike, isn't able to draw enough heel heat on his own. And why is Funaki in this match and not London? Hmm, while typing all that, I missed some of Funaki's offense. I promise you, it was nothing exiting. Fact of the matter is that this is the worst cruiserweight match I've seen on a p.p.v. in a long time. Slow and sloppy match. Funaki wins the title. Too bad Heidenreich is too heavy for the cruiser division.

Match Rating: 1/5

Match 9: Undertaker vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T vs. JBL. Fatal 4 Way WWE Championship.

• For most part a very interesting match. Eddie and Booker team up, JBL hides and cheats and Undertaker is his usual no-selling self. As usual when WWE book 3 or 4 Way matches, there are never more than two wrestlers in the ring at the same time. This is very annoying once you start thinking about it. Booker T eventually starts doing things on his own. Eddie hits Undertaker with the belt and gives him TWO froggies. Undertaker kicks out. Great, there goes the credibility of Eddie's finisher. All because of lame booking and The Undertaker. JBL is about to get a Tombstone but, just like at No Mercy, Heidenreich interferes. Obviously Undertaker cannot even lose a Fatal4Way match cleanly, despite not being involved in the decision. If they at least could come up with a new original way to screw Undertaker. JBL then clotheslines Booker to win the match. Next month: Bradshaw goes over the entire roster to retain the title.

Match Rating: 4/5

The Good: The main event was really exiting and well booked apart for the finish.

The Bad: Crap like Kurt Angle vs. Santa Claus was almost impossible to rate. Three of the matches were pointless time fillers. Then we had a 10 minute squash, a stupid Handicap Match where Angle's stable came out looking terrible and the worst cruiserweight match I've seen in years.

Armageddon Rating: 1/5

Armageddon is not a PPV that WWE can not be proud of. But then again it's only their fault that this PPV sucks. Armageddon in 2003 was bad and so was this one. Only 5000 people turned up to see this PPV.

Results from this PPV:

• RVD and Rey Mysterio defeated the crap, useless team of Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree. This was actually the only decent match on the under card.

• Kurt Angle defeated Father Christmas. Please gimme strength.

• Funaki pinned Spike Dudley to win the Cruiserweight title. Let me get this right, Dudley successfully defended the title against Chavo Guerrero, Rey Mysterio, Shannon Moore and Kidman, but couldn't beat Funaki? What sense does that make? This match failed to impress the crowd and who can blame them, when they pay good money to watch crap matches like these?

• Daniel Puder defeated Mike Mizanin in a lame boxing match, but no one cared.

• The Basham Brothers defeated Hardcore Holly and Charlie Haas.

• Dawn Marie defeated Miss Jackie in a poor Women's match. Afterwards referee Charlie Haas turned heel on Jackie but no one cared.

• The Big Show defeated Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak.

• JBL successfully retained the WWE Championship against The Undertaker, Eddie Guerrero and Booker T in a good match, but the match lasted too long (25 minutes) and had a lame finish, John Heidenreich jumped out of a limo (you know like he did at No Mercy) and beat Taker down.

Overall Grade - D