The Lost Stallions

This review also was from the Sterling Family Horse Hockey Edition. You would think this film was a joke between two producers. I thought, "gee, here is a good clean looking film for the kids." My 13 year old afterwards said, "There was no story." I say, "there are no actors". Surely the adults and kids in this film did this in their free time for no pay. It is like your friends down the street got together and said, "We're gonna make a movie." And this is the result you would get. Writing, acting, directing, and editing that is so amateur, that you'd think it was a college student's project. No, wait, a high school student's project. Favorite cliché idea among the many, kid 1:"Look, those hillbillies are so poor, they have nothing." kid 2:"Yeah, but they are so happy." no, no, wait, there was a better one at the end which you have to watch in order to believe they actually wrote that stuff! I warn you though, you'll have a very difficult time finishing this film. It'll be difficult not to walk out of the room and do something more interesting like cleaning your bathroom. In all honesty, it could be used for the 8 and below age group as a time killer. So it does have some value.

this is simply one of the greatest films of all time. Kevin Summerfield is a genius of film-making, a god of the industry who makes Hitchcock, Kubrick, and Allen appear amateur at best. but if Summerfield's godlike ability to create cinematic art is deemed inspirational, then Evan Barron's performance as lead actor must be described as no less than utterly ORGASMIC. his charming, boyish character dances across the screen in a fashion that will have children laughing and housewives heating up. Barron's performance is sensational. Sensationally sensational. if there is one movie that you should see before you die it is THE LOST STALLIONS. you will laugh, you will cry, you will adopt an entirely new outlook on life, but above all, you will FALL IN LOVE WITH EVAN BARRON.

SEE THIS MOVIE

I honestly have to say this has to be the stupidest movie I have ever seen. And I didn't even watch the whole thing, I only saw about 15 minutes of it. The acting is sooooo terrible. It's more than scraping the bottom of the barrel, it blew through the bottom of it. It doesn't get much worse than this folks. The main kid that you see introduced at the beginning of the movie has a 12 word vocabulary consisting of: Shut Up!, Idiot!, Moron! and "Egotestical". All of which when said are very overly acted in the worst possible sense. "Ego-testical"? That is not even funny, utterly pathetic. Well maybe it might entertain my 7-year old little sister, just because she doesn't know any better. I have seen some real suckfests in my day, but this one takes the cake by far.

In recap: Keeeerch.... Pilot to co-pilot, looking for brain activity in this movie, no sign of it...

My kids told me that I actually bought this movie at Wal-Mart a few years ago. Honestly, I really wish I had the money back, even if it's only a dollar. To say that this is a bad movie is putting it mildly. I think the fact that even after three years, most of the actors have never done another film is also telling. Even though it's a bad film (terrible script, even worse acting), my teenagers like watching it so they can laugh at it. You know the acting is bad when teenagers don't even like it.

Perhaps the worst acting performance is by the ex-con, who is also looking for the horses. I don't know his name, but he has got to be the absolute worst actor in the film. I'm sure he can do something, but acting ain't it.

Having said all that, I will say that to its credit, there is some beautiful scenery in the film. Well, there's always something good in everything, right?

I'd like to start this off with a disclaimer. The version I saw was the widely distributed "Sterling Family Classic" DVD. The, ahem, director of this movie stated on the commentary track(!) that there is a "saucier" edition of this film available and the one I was viewing was watered down in order to be appropriate for a larger audience. Yeah. Whatever. At least that explains why the words sometimes didn't match the actors' mouths.

The film has the nerve to compare itself to "Stand By Me". That would be like saying Mr. Summerfield's "Sleepy Hollow High" is comparable to "The Shining". Not by any stretch of the imagination Kevin! Anyway, the plot consists of four pathetic teens wandering around a sleepy little town in North Carolina in search of some prized stallions. Evidently the owner can't be bothered with rounding them up himself so he has offered a generous reward to whoever captures them. Sounds like an instant family classic doesn't it? Of course, as in any film with a dearth of novel ideas, this one relies on body functions for some hoped-for laughs. Not just one, but two characters entertain us by passing gas. A guy flicks snot on one of the teens in one scene and in yet another scene we get to see someone slip in a pile of vomit. Oh boy! I really enjoyed the seemingly endless part of the film where one of the boys kills a garter snake for no reason other than to pad the running time of the film. Speaking of running time, the movie is a mere 74 minutes with a stunning 13+ minutes devoted to a blooper reel interspersed with the end credits.

If you enjoy watching four ignorant, whiny teens walk around (including the obligatory one with an inhaler for his asthma...oh my) then be my guest and waste away your life on this film. I would almost recommend it for this one ludicrous scene where one of the guys falls into a shallow stream. We are supposed to believe it is a raging rapid that is carrying him away to his impending doom. It all could've ended if the kid just put his feet down and stood up but...nooooo! Instead, he lazily drifts downstream while his two buddies chase after him BY RUNNING IN THE STREAM BEHIND HIM! Sorry about the CAPS there but honestly...I just thought I was gonna die watching that. Unfortunately I lived long enough to see the rest of the film. 1/10