The Number One Girl

Of all the films we've ever watched this has to be the absolute worst! You wouldn't even wish your worst enemy to watch this! What has Vinnie Jones been done! Surely he can't recover from this pile of poop! Worth a watch just for the fact it's so bad it's hilarious.

Don't even bother! It's worse than the cheesiest film you can ever imagine, times by ten, add a load of people who can't act and then sit on a chair full of razors!

Did someone really pay to budget this film? If so you must be a mug mate!

BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!

.... does a movie so bad, so wooden, so awful, and so painful get made. How this movie was ever green-lighted is beyond me. I can't believe Vinnie Jones agreed to be in this abomination. The acting was worse then that of soft-core porn thespians seen on Cinemax at 4 am. The script must have been written by a retarded monkey, with a typewriter. The director might as well have been Helen Keller. And the soundtrack was some of the worst music I have ever heard in my life. I bet that is the elevator music that plays in hell.

If you haven't figured it out by now..... I hated this movie with all my heart and soul. If I could go back in a time machine and either stop Hitler's reign, or this movie from being made, it would be a difficult choice.

I'm not sure why Pat Morita would agree to be in a movie like this. His performance was the only sort of acceptable part in the entire film and it was brief and insignificant. The script is terrible the acting is sorry and silly. The camera angles left me with a neck ache. The center of the movie was long boring and pointless. The action sequence at the end was both macabre and silly. The music was tedious and annoying. Every character was underdeveloped. The love story which was pivotal to the incredibly weak plot was insubstantial. Nothing! Not a single thing works in this movie. Only robots at the bottom of the screen would give this film a reason to exist.

I saw the cover for this, and being the sucker that I am, fell for it. Is there really anything cooler than a guy with two pistols and explosions? The acting is terrible, I mean TERRIBLE! I'll be glad if I never see Tony Schiena (he was in Jean-Claude Van Damme's Wake of Death, which was very good) or Luc Campeau make another movie. Script, are you kidding me? There is a relentless skirt-chasing A-list movie star,huge British mobster, and a bunch of bimbos out to make a buck; none of it even comes close to adding up. I had to watch the lip syncing scene three times, I can not believe this blatant lip syncing made it through (there is back-up singers on the audio track....) This is not a low budget Chuck Norris/ Jean-Claude movie with tons of action. Even the scene transitions sucked, I've seen better blackouts on Lifetime.

The one star was for Vinnie alone, nothing in this film was worth while. I stupidly bought it because Vinnie Jones is a cool actor, he was brilliant in Lock Stock and has that 'hard man' image down to a tee. I started watching with my mate and you notice the abysmal acting straight away, we thought it might get better but ended up fast forwarding a lot just to get to some action....which was awfully choreographed and poorly acted. Fight to the death!? It's an old cliché, but my grandma could have beaten up tony schiena's character. And what was all the slow-mo scenes about? At least I have a spare DVD case now and, who knows, if I run out of toilet paper I have a back up. If I were Vinnie I would be ashamed that I ever let tony Schiena beat him up...even if it was a movie. (I would have given this a minus number if I could....it's an hour or more of my life I will never get back!)