Homes Under the Hammer

New episodes get 30% of the time slot's audience. It is cheap and cheerful TV that gets a big audience and costs the BBC very little.

So - it is successful... it is cheap. How can a licence viewer complain?

Whilst there are many many many DIY shows, there aren't that many that show shells of houses being renovated (Grand Designs isn't a fair comparison) and I think the presenters do a decent job to maintain the viewers interest considering the 100s of houses which have gone under the hammer.

Saying that, I do like to see episodes where people buy over-priced houses and are a little cocky about doing it up... and then make a pittance...

Hey - and if you don't like it, you can always turn over to Jeremy Kyle or Phil'n'Holly!

The only thing rising faster than UK property prices over the last few years is the hours of programming devoted to reality shows about buying or doing up homes. I was ill a few days and genuinely unable to get the energy to watch anything that required much thought so I ended up slumped in front of BBC daytime television watching this. The concept here is that the show selects a couple of homes that are up for auction. First we are shown around them (fixer-uppers at absolute best) before we then see what they go for at auction and, more importantly, who buys it. We then follow the buyers as they attempt to make money off the property market by doing it up and selling on.

The idea is basic and you really need to be interested in people buying houses – which, to be honest, is threatening to replace the weather as the main topic of casual discussion in the UK so the audience is certainly there for it. And I suppose for that target audience who like watching things about buying houses then it might well do the job because that is what you get here. Personally I find the obsession all very depressing as the middle classes mortgage themselves to the hilt trying to climb the ladder while driving prices up and up to the point where those trying to join the property market have little if no chance to do so.

Aside from the vegetative state of watching other people do up houses there is really little else of interest here. Problem is, only the totally clueless end up losing money and it happens rarely in the show. The reason for this is not because anyone does anything decent (or plans to) with them but just because in the UK sitting in a house for a month and doing nothing sees your "investment" increase in value. In my own Northern Ireland property prices have risen by 76% between 2005 and end 2006 and it is now one of the most expensive places in the UK to buy a house (source BBC website 5th April 07). So actually it is pretty dull for us to hear their plans and then get them valued by experts (not that estate agents really have a formal training route to become "experts") because it is nearly always gone up. One could also question how much the casual viewer should care about the type of person playing the market to make money off soaring house prices – certainly for me I didn't care.

The presenters are, well, what's the word? Oh yeah - ****s. They overegg everything because they seem to sense how inevitable and dull it all is. Horrid cheesy puns populate their scripts and they deliver them with the typical style of daytime television presenters just trying to stop themselves hating their jobs. Frantically dull property rubbish then that even the presenters know is a pointless hour of television – not much of a recommendation is it?

I love this show because it does what is needed. It shows before and after. The costs involved and general tips. Great for property enthusiasts.

Hard to believe this series has now been going for nearly 20 years. Sadly, it's showing its age. There really is only so much that can be achieved by seeing houses bought at auction and later returning to see what the buyers have done with them. The early years, with Lucy Alexander and Martin Roberts were great fun. Their enthusiasm was infectious and there was great chemistry between them (even though they were only shown together briefly during each episode.) Adding Dion Dublin, as a third presenter, diluted the mix and further changes, after Lucy departed, haven't helped revive the show. The programme also seems to have run out of new ideas and seems to be covering the same types of property renovation over and over again. Occasionally, they even pick up the same people buying and renovating properties from different auctions. Too much repetition has put me off watching.

Daytime TV is well-known to contain some extremely bad programming, but this is an insult to the intelligence.

The basic format: two presenters look at some homes going up for auction, then find out who buys them and see what happens to the properties three months later. That is about it.

They try to make out that making money as a property developer is such a difficult trade and that the buyers will have to be extremely skilled to make a profit. The problem here (and it's not the makers' fault) is that due to the housing market in the UK the average house price increases £41 a day, it is very hard to make a loss unless they pay well over the odds for a very poor property in a bad area. Some don't even look at the house before buying so they don't know it has huge cracks through the wall or massive subsidence, and they will still end up in the black. Renting out for a year or two before selling will reap even more.

The presenters do their best to try and make the programme seem exciting, but they are up against it as there is a definite limit on how thrilling you can make a show like this. The script is painful, for example if the property in question is an old pet shop you get endless lines like "are they barking mad to take on this property?" or "let's see if they can get this shop on the cheep," etc. Who writes this stuff? It would help if the properties themselves were more interesting, but most of them are average mid-terrace dwellings that need a bit of a paint job. One thing it does well is inadvertently show how bad estate agents are. About 9 in 10 when asked "what is the property market like in this area" they will answer "(insert town name here) is definitely an up and coming area." What every area in the UK? Before any changes have been made they will often quote prices thousands of pounds higher than before with little justification. That is probably due to the fact that you can start up an estate agents without any formal qualifications.

Almost makes you wish for a housing market crash just to get rid of the plethora of property programmes that fill our screens and this one in particular as there is just so little variation between one show and the next. Potential property developers might find some of the advice useful, but it is the same every episode and most of it is just common sense.