The Cave

The Cave and The Descent both came out around the same sort of time in the UK but, unlike Armageddon/Deep Impact etc, both were low budget affairs and it wasn't like there was any sort of box office battle between them. Were there a battle though, it would be the sort of boxing match that is over after twelve seconds when the referee stops it – and The Descent would be far and away the winner across almost all measures (except "number of men in cast" I guess). There will always be better films though, so we shouldn't focus on a better one while watching The Cave but rather judge it on its own merits and whether or not it delivers enough to be worth seeing. Roughly the film just about has enough in it to distract but never more than that – and it is never just one thing that is the weakness because the film has issues across it in almost every area that conspire to make it a "so-so" product.

The plot is fine for a monster movie and, coming into the film I was already prepared for "group enter situation for some reason, get trapped and are picked off one by one until only a few manage to escape" film that I hoped would be exciting and enjoyable for what it was. I tend to do this with genre movies because there is little point in looking for more and moaning when it is not there; however, it is fair comment when the genre aspects are badly done or fudged so that it doesn't even operate at the level of the genre. This is the case with The Cave, which cannot ever manage to settle on an approach and focus on making it work really well. The plot is not really the issue but the delivery of it is. Suspension of belief is important and you generally get that by bringing the audience so into the world of the film that they only think with the logic internal to the film, if they have want to think at all. Tension and excitement are ways of doing this and The Descent showed how that was done – The Cave shows how not to do it.

There isn't really any tension here and even the attacks are not that excitement. Mostly they are delivered in bloodless ways with frantic camera work so that you cannot see what is going on. Later on some of the horror gets "uncomfortable" but never more than that; I doubt my pulse got above resting levels at any point during the film. The creatures themselves are reasonable CGI effects but are just another CGI-generated monster that owes a lot to many other creatures that have gone before it – I think there must be a Hollywood CGI computer programme that you push a button and it generates creatures at random with the ability to tweak or add bits to it (in this case wings). The cast are just a bland and unimaginative though. Hamstrung by a poor script, their performances are average and nobody really steps up to engage with the audience and make it "fun" for them. I expected Morris Chestnut to do this but nope. Hauser is the "main" character and does try to make his character's twist work but it gets lost between him and the filmmakers and something that could have been a building menace from within is just another thing that don't work! It also leads to a twist at the end that is only terrifying in that it suggests a sequel (which will probably never come). Perabo provides looks and body to the mix and has a bit of energy but the film never uses her. Headey, Cibrian, Ravanello, Kim and the others might as well have been cardboard cut-outs carried round on sticks for all the difference they made – not that they are "bad" just that nobody can bring anything of real meaning. Hunt's direction is poor. He never really uses his underground/underwater locations to good effect and it is only ever the setting and not a massive part of the film working as it was in The Descent.

What we are left with is a genre film that grinds away at a very basic level, never aspiring to much and delivering less than it should have done. It is distracting but dull as uninteresting characters are killed by creatures that don't inspire terror in ways that are as thrilling as vacuuming the front room. Maybe it is OK for a lazy Friday night in with a basic cable movie, but if you want more than the absolute basics then it is not for you.

Truth is, that's all one needs to say about this low-budget suspenser about a group of spelunkers and scientists following a mysterious passage deep into the earth, long hidden beneath an ancient church in Romania. They quickly run into malformed creatures that exist only in the darkness, and get picked off one by one as they race to find a way out. The creatures are not as scary as the ones in "Pitch Black" or even "The Relic." There is a much better movie buried here (pun intended) involving some very tense and exciting sequences as the spelunkers work their way through various caves and passageways and waterways, and climb up and down steep rock walls. But the clichéd monster movie keeps getting in the way. And in the end, it doesn't help that each character is a walking cliché seemingly right out of "The Core." I would gladly watch "The Cave" a second time, but only for the cave exploration scenes. The ending has a nice, slightly twisty touch.

I give it an average "5" because it's an average movie. Not really bad, not really good. Just not really ANYTHING. It just sat there and didn't really do anything. As a "man against the elements" movie, it was at least interesting. As a "creature feature," it was completely dull and unoriginal. The characters were one-dimensional - you wouldn't care about any of them.

Rather than letting us spend the time with these characters to learn how and why they are so close-knit, the script writer simply had one of the characters say, "We're like a family." - OK, if you say so . . . then why does no one in the group shed a single tear when people start dying? Characters move from death scene to death scene as if they are just losing casual acquaintances - but wait, she said "they are like a family." OH, I get it - because most family members can't stand each other - OK, now it makes sense! Anyway - if they had lost the monsters, gotten some better actors and a better script, and simply made a movie about cave divers lost underground having to band together to get out, this might have been a decent movie. As it is, the "escape the cave" element is never really richly developed, and instead the focus seems to be on "scaring" you, which it never does, or "wowing" you with action and effects, which it CERTAINLY never does.

In the end, a wasted opportunity, with the only redeeming feature being the nice sets and photography. Wait till it comes to cable, dudes!

Two things - one: this film is nowhere near as bad as some say. Of course, that doesn't make it good, but I enjoyed it.

Second - the prop used to show the strength of communications signal when the first scout explores the cave system is in fact a silver Korg guitar tuner! Not worth mentioning usually except that it is shown in close up several times during this sequence, with the row of red lights normally used to show how close to the note the guitar string is representing here the strength of the signal from the first scout diver...

You can freeze the DVD on one of the closeups to see the words "Cents" and "Hz" and the note names E A D G B E written on the tuner. Classic.

Now that's what I call cheap props for an expensive film. Incidentally, the Korg tuners are very good - at tuning guitars.

This wasn't a bad movie if you like creature flicks. It isn't original, but it does nothing badly and is interesting enough to spend 1.5 hours with.

Firstly: why is it that the entire team consists of hunks and babes? Even the scientists are good looking chicks. Oh well, we'll just have to suspend our thinking and just accept that actors have to be good looking these days, even if their roles completely rule out looking like a supermodel.

As for the movie itself: the action, plot (if there is any to speak of), effects and direction are OK, as is the acting.. Once again, nothing special, novel or interesting but not bad either. The editing was decent except for the action shots. Why does every editor and/or director think that they are doing an MTV clip these days? Keep the camera still! If you think I can see what's going on in random .3 second bursts of film, you're wrong. So irritating.

The effects are OK. Although at times the caves are lit in ways that are impossible for the little flashlights to accomplish, the set is generally dark enough to be realistic. The caves look real. The monsters are not that good but they are almost never shown completely, and in doing so they are acceptable. I do wish the movie had more gore though. Being, as almost all horror movies these days, PG-13 to cash in on teenage kids' money, it does not show any gore besides some scratches and some ugly but very brief ceature shots.

Final comment: I wish the movie had revolved around the first cave expedition that is shown during the introduction titles. They seemed a hell of a lot more interesting than that group of supermodels who came in later. Real men, real people, driven by greed. Oh well.

Decent action, decent thrills. Not bad to kill some time with.