Cemetery Gates

"Cemetary Gates" is a movie that wants to be like 70's and 80's creature flicks like "Alligator" or "Prophecy". Well, it has a cool monster, and some nice gore effects, so where does it go wrong?

Well, for one thing, the comedy aspects of the movie really fall flat. Jokes such as the recording of a man's diarrhea, poorly done sex gags, and other such things hurt it considerably. Sure, horror and comedy can go together, but not when the jokes suck.

Also, the acting is pretty bad. Everyone seems unenthusiastic, especially Reggie ("Phantasm") Bannister as the scientist father. At least Howard Berger and Greg Nicotero are amusing as two stoner types.

Oh, and there are also the two annoying hillbilly characters that feel like a bad "MadTV" version of "Deliverence."

In the end, the movie is a major missed opportunity. If done with a better script and better characters, it could have been a winner. In the end though, that's all you get: Could have been.

As the schlock movie gods would have it, a pair of melon-headed environmental activists invade a research lab, and decide to set an experimental creature free. Said creature is a murderous mutant, a humongous Tasmanian devil in fact! It just happens to escape near the local cemetery, where a young horror movie director is working on his latest project. Terror and bloody dismemberment, disembowelment, and death unfold.

Packed to overflowing with idiot characters -including, yes, hillbillies- spouting mindless dialogue, there's plenty of food for the monster.

CEMETERY GATES is another gore film starring Reggie Bannister. As gun-toting scientist, Belmont, he's the only non-imbecilic character in the movie. As for the ferocious furball itself, it's shown mostly in flashes, revealing just enough to show its utter, man-in-a-hairy-suit cheapness. Still, it's the best part of the movie! There is extended female topless-ness at one point, helping to deaden the overall pain.

Fueled by plenty of potent beverages or funny cigarettes, this is quite enjoyable...

Environmental wackos release a giant, genetically-enhanced Tasmanian Devil in this would-be comedy horror film. I think the filmmakers were trying to make the next "Army of Darkness" or "Shaun of the Dead," but the humor wasn't strong enough to compensate for the implausible and coincidence-ridden story. I might be giving the plot more consideration than the filmmakers themselves, but isn't it a little far-fetched that the monster would be stolen from the laboratory and released at a cemetery where the son of mad scientist who created it was filming a low budget horror film? And that the son considered the monster his pet until it killed his mother. At least the scientist father is played by Reggie Bannister. His presence gave the film a touch of class. The film also suffers from the fact that the vast majority of victims had no bearing on the plot whatsoever. They were just passerbys. I did enjoy the bit were the new agers take drugs to call forth a spirit animal, only to see the monster as an animation. The Hillbillies, however, were so over the top that they made the cast of "Two Thousand Maniacs" seem restrained by comparison. The main problem, however, is the monster itself. I know this film was essentially a comedy, but the monster was ridiculous -- especially in long shots where it was obviously a man in a suit walking on all fours. The monster was about as scary as the shrews in "The Killer Shrews." Along those same lines, some of the gore effects were good, but it obvious the monster isn't really digging into the people when it is clawing them. I'd take the Tasmanian Devil in the Warner Brothers cartoons over this thing any day.

I had some mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand it's just a simple effort with a pretty dull story, lame characters and bad acting written all over it. The only actor worth mentioning, of course, is Reggie Bannister. He's enjoyable to watch, as always, but that's about it. So story- and acting-wise, I was just expecting a bit too much from it. Wrong bet, so it seemed, because this movie is actually not to be taken serious at all. That's just the way the filmmakers intended it. So when you can keep that in mind, that's when the fun starts. Lots, and I do mean LOTS of gory splatter killings by a grotesque looking creature (a giant mutant Tasmanian Devil) doing all the shredding while tunneling itself a way underneath a cemetery ("The Dark" from 1994 starring Brion James and Neve Campbell, anyone?). When you also consider that this movie was meant to be a throwback at the 80's/early 90's creature features (so no lousy CGI to be found in this one), you just can't help yourself but to roll with it and have a fun time. And that's just what "Cemetery Gates" will do: give you a bit of entertainment (horrific, bloody & silly) with a rather bad movie. So it gets extra credit for that. Or maybe I'm just giving the film some free points for that one blond bimbo babe that loves to show her two naked goodies a lot (nearly every chance she gets).

i had my share of bad movies,well that what i thought but when i think they have done enough one more comes out.The movie is so awful that i believe it is a disgrace to the art of cinema. The women are cute but overall the movie is just awful i don't have words to describe.PLEASE PLEASE do not waste your time on this.But yes you can recommend it to friends if u want them to suffer.The thing created to scare you is so funny and beside 1 or 2 murders you will not be scared of the murders ,but yes you will laugh till u drop dead.The story line is also very bogus and nothing new is there not even something old in a new bottle,i cant believe people had spent money to see it in cinema. HATE THE MOVIE AND SO WILL YOU JUST Don't WASTE YOUR TIME