Suburban Secrets

It's always great comedy when crew members are the only ones voting and writing comments for a film. But if you, like me, can't believe the high IMDb-rating at this point (6.2 after 43 votes) -- don't worry. As more people (poor bastards) make the mistake of watching this, it'll sort itself out. There's really not much to say about this that the term "homemade disaster" can't describe on it's own. And I do mean disaster, the acting is such that I've never seen anything like it even for this genre. Come to think of it, I've honestly seen better in several hardcore flicks, and by the time the first scene is halfway through, you'll understand that I'm in no way exaggerating. I don't know the budget of this production, but we're probably talking about 4 figures -- the whole look and feel of it in the way of props, lighting and camera work is way, way below the standard even for soft core movies in general. A few gorgeous girls among the cast help (for instance A.J. Khan, who somehow also delivers one of the best performances), but sadly they're a severe minority. You really, really don't wish this movie upon yourself.

The director who hadn't made a movie for quite some time before this one, is not getting tired of saying, that he makes the sex scenes (soft-core just in case you were wondering) fit the story he was building. That's all fine and dandy, but the scenes mentioned do not feel very different than any other soft-core movie.

What is a nice touch, is the fact that he does have various kinds of girls in this. So you do have women of all size and fits. What really breaks the neck of this though, is the fact that almost none of the women involved are able to act if their life depended on it. Combine that with a weak story and all you have are some steamy scenes (mostly lesbian). If that is your cup of tea go ahead, otherwise stay clear

I turned this off after 10 minutes. I've attended autopsies that were more fun.

I am bigger now.

You may think this is an ordinary soft porn flick but you would be sorely wrong.

After watching this I magically grew in length and girth. While watching Suburban Secrets, I felt a strange sensation but I thought it may have been the moonshine. But, I woke up the next morning with double the "weight" below.

I now have strangers of both sexes come up to me and ask me what my secret is - a secret I cannot hide wearing normal pants - and I have to confess: Watching Suburban Secrets changed my life!

Thank you Suburban Secrets for making me a tripod.