The Roost

This is such a typical "bad" attempt at making a horror film. The usual storyline: a group of random friends on a trip somewhere who take the wrong road, get lost, etc..etc...and find HORROR instead of a way back to the highway and anyone even remotely normal to help them. All of these people are hapless individuals who probably are fine in their regular lives...but put them in a rural setting...in the dark..with nothing..and OMG..they cannot function...alone or as a group. They spend endless amounts of time looking scared/confused/lost...and stupid in almost every scene. We should go..we should stay...OMG...what do we do NOW? And...they talk about it all the time...trying to make plans to do SOMETHING. If they go outside...SOMETHING will get them...in this case vampire bats are doing the terrorizing. Of course...they don't all stay together..one or two have to wander off...go look for help...get the car...they never should have left in the first place...blah, blah, blah. They know they made a mistake...and now...well..they have to deal with it...as one by one...they probably are all going to meet a gross and untimely death in some way. Tbe scenes are of poor quality..the lighting is bad...the reactions of the actors are even worse most of the time...over-acting is at the top of the list here. We don't cheer for any heroes...or find anything worth saving here as this film goes on and on and on. Yawn. If you played this one at an all night horror film festival...everyone would be asleep before the night even got started. Save the popcorn for something worthy...cos this one isn't even good enough to be found in a bargain bin at the dollar store.

Eeeeeeek...look, I'm a filmmaker too, so I'll try to be constructive...1.) get a better camera man. What's he doing the whole time, scratching his butt? Keep the camera still for Christ's sake! 2.) use more than just a key light to light your "actors" 3.) don't film dialog with the "actors" backs to the camera 3.) bring in your zombies before the 43 minute mark 4.) have at least one other person review your script before you shoot it, multiple drafts can be effective in developing meaningful dialog 5.) pay for better ADR services...if you paid even $1 you got ripped off 6.) give me the name of your agent ... if he can sell this piece of poop, he can sell ANYTHING!

But keep trying...I think you'll nail your next one...as long as you eed tips 1-5.

"The Roost" is a movie that was most assuredly made by lovers of "B" movies for lovers of "B" movies. Nothing more, Nothing less. And as a lover of this particular type of film I was stoked to see it. I have to admit though...It was a while before I could get into the movie. It starts out slooowly, With a intro/outro featuring a horror host that I found to be fairly interminable. As a matter of fact I didn't know what was going on for more than a few minutes of the film. Once the feature actually started I managed to get a hold of the concept & enjoy the film a little bit more. A lot of the film is grainy & dark. Not a good combo if you ask me but it 's not enough to hinder watching the film on your TV. It must have been rough to watch on a big screen though. The plot? Well let's just say that 4 People are stranded on an old country road in the middle of the night & seek shelter/help at an barn that they stumble upon. Unfortunately for them the barn is infested with killer bats that have the ability to turn you into a zombie if you are bitten by them. WTF? Yeah, It's a bit odd. As a matter of fact it doesn't make any sense at all. But I don't think they were looking to make a logical movie when they were filming this. Just a movie that makes you jump a few times & cover your eyes a bit. And in that sense they succeeded.....Barely. It's got plenty of atmosphere & the performances were pretty tight(When you can hear them, The sound is fairly bad. Subtitles help a lot). The ending was also pretty eerie. All in all a pretty good little movie to get you through a dark & stormy night with your significant other. And I believe that's what the filmmakers set out to do. They succeeded.

I really wanted to love this moody and minimalist zombified-by-bat-bites flick, but it was unbelievably slow-paced. It has a brooding and creepy atmosphere, but nothing occurs in the first 40 minutes except bickering amongst young folk. I appreciated that the main story went for horror and not comedy, unlike most contemporary zombie features, but that goes out the window with the fact that the movie is introduced (and interrupted) by some silly fake TV horror host. That part of the film comes across as filler, which is unfortunate in a film that already moves way to slow and has a lack of action, dialogue, etc. If 30 minutes were edited, this could make a sweet short film or TV episode.

Noonan is talented - check out his triple duty as the writer, director and star of 1994's WHAT HAPPENED WAS..., which features one of the most believable first kisses in movie history - so what in the world is he doing here? Either lending his star power to a needy friend, I suppose, or simply taking the money and running.

THE ROOST has absolutely nothing to recommend it. The writing, directing, acting, photography, effects, makeup and scares - they're all garbage. Even Noonan's own bit as the retro TV horror host is painfully lame, and the "shock" scenes are just a handful of uninspired shaky-cam attacks by some escapees from a WALKING DEAD convention.

You can - as I did - fast-forward through 90% of this sad excuse for a movie without missing anything, and the other 10% is equally worthy of oblivion.

And, please, can people stop hating on bats? The bat is a docile and remarkable creature without which we'd be up to our eyeballs in mosquitoes, and the vandalism of its habitats is an ignorant crime against nature.