Dark Walker

Don't buy a movie because it has a cool looking monster on the cover. My friend learned that lesson a little too late. Darkwalker reminds me quite a bit of Scarecrow (another low-budget flick) in that it had a very cool creature design and that's where the good news ends. The Darkwalker looks like the Creeper and Swamp Thing's love child. The film is more funny than horrific. The killings also get repetitive. The creature stalks his victims and rushes them in POV mode, cut to wall, and splat with a gallon of blood. This happens a couple of times. It does feature the biggest damn sheriff I've ever seen though who whips the creature in hand-to-hand combat. That was worth my friend's twelve dollars just to see that.

I'm sure the budget was very low, but this was a waste of film. The photography is awful and the actors are worse. The story is very weak and it lacks rhythm. The sex scenes which are necessary in a "good" low budget horror movie are completely missing. It could have been much MUCH better made...

but then i like low budget horror.

when a movie opens with a scene that looks like it's set in a school's "fall festival" display (give us back halloween, geeze) you know you are in for a treat.

the plot is not very well explained, the monster looks like a cross between swamp thing and the toxic avenger and the acting is mediocre to poor but i still managed to not only stick with it, but enjoy it right up to the end.

what is it with movies these days and endings? is it a totally lost art?

oh, and another thing, the death loving "goth" girl who drips bile and morbid one-liners? she needs to be a horror standby returned to the props closet, it is so old.

Think the title is "Darkwalker" (one word), and was "Hobbs Grove: the Movie." It's not worth seeing under any title. Non-acting actors (but the male romantic lead and the woman who plays one of the owners aren't bad); silly demon suit (you can see the head of the guy inside through his mask); boring, nitwit script (including a training speech for the employees at the park); no sense to it anywhere (why is the demon killing people, and why only people who work at the park?); funny commentary by the producer and the director, as if they had made "The Godfather" ("we were so lucky to get this cast"; "this is a beautiful-looking film").

Only reason for this review is to plug Hobbs Grove, the setting of the movie, which has the best haunted house (and the best haunted wood) I've ever been to, and I've been to a few. It looks tacky in the film, as those things always do, but seen in person it's scary and imaginative and atmospheric. Skip "HG: the Movie," but if you're in California around Halloween, check out "HG: the Cool Spook House."

DARK WALKER begins in Hobbs Grove (1878), where a man steals a pumpkin from the wrong patch, resulting in demonic doom. We're whisked away to the present, and Hobbs Grove is now a Halloween haunted house attraction.

When it comes to unoriginality, this movie hits the jackpot! There's a "creepy old caretaker" who scowls at everyone, as well as the obligatory group of annoying young people, including: The "goth chick", the "stoner dude", the "snobby rich girl", and the "psychic". As soon as any of them open their mouths we start wondering what's taking the killer so long to do his job!

When the moon rises, so does the title creature.

Meanwhile, a tour of the haunted house is nearly as interesting as a trip through a local thrift store, and takes far longer.

Finally, the deaths occur, bringing out the canned-ham-with-hair sheriff, and his idiot deputy. All while the caretaker lumbers around like bigfoot in bib overalls. When the haunted house opens to the public, the true non-terror ensues.

PROS: No low-budget CGI! Therefore, the monster isn't a total embarrassment.

CONS: Everything else.

THE BURNING QUESTION: Is the goth chick's lipstick black, or very, very, very, very dark blue?...