Arachnia

Well I just finished watching the movie and I regret wasting every second...There's 80 bad minutes of my life that I'm not getting back... The flick is unbelievably "not good". The actors suck, the not-so-special effects suck - at times they are worse than the movies shot at the 50s - the dialogue is tacky...The only scene that caught my attention was Alexxus' naked scene. I just CAN'T believe somebody actually WROTE a script and the whole movie was not improvised! I also can't believe that there is a director out there who was so happy with his work that he allowed this piece of...#### to be produced..DO NOT BY ANY MEANS RENT THIS MOVIE!! IT'S BOTH A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY!

If I had to take a guess on where the inspiration for this film came from, I would have to say that it was from the previous years spider release, Eight Legged Freaks which was made in like two weeks apparently. This film looks like it was made in a couple of hours. Not saying it was a total suckfest, but definitely not all that good as there is so much annoying talking between the characters, lots of titillation without actually having the titillation and spiders that the makers of this movie were not sure how they come about.

The story has a group of students and their professor flying to some big dig happening in Arizona. The professor is pompous and actually brought two of the girls because he has the hots for them. Meteors are flying through the air and one crashes nearby sending powerful shock waves which cause the plan to crash. They find a broken down house to stay out before a farmer comes and wants the professor to see this spider in the barn. The professor says it's fake, but soon a bunch of them come and begin trying to kill the group out in the middle of nowhere.

The story may have worked with more gore, more likable characters and better effects. As it is, you will want Deke dead first, then the professor and then the young lady who does not scream all the time, but instead says everything sarcastically then the pilot that reminds me of that guy on Friends and then the two cute girls who scream and talk a lot. You will just want to see them all dead is what I'm saying! The effects could be forgiven if we had more gore and good characters, but since we don't, at times it looks like a Ray Harryhausen film if he didn't try at all.

So, not the best film in the world, but certainly not the worst either. Not sure what the point of the bath scene and the two girls in bed scene as nothing is shown in either scene and both seem to lead up to something bordering on sexy before nothing happens. The cave scenes look alright, but why are there worms or were they supposed to be spiders? Also, I am doubting a captain of anything can just take an entire platoon to the middle of nowhere just cause his daughter was crying on the phone. Lots of idiocy going on, but at least I had the satisfaction of watching Deke pulled apart!

Director Bret Piper's ARACHNIA opens with college professor Munkford (David Bunce) and his students crash-landing in an airplane, and winding up in an old farmhouse.

As the evening progresses, it becomes evident that: #1- Munkford is a creepy pervert! #2- Two of his students, named Trina and Kelly are beautiful, but whiney and brain-deprived! #3- Two other students, named Chandra and Sean are the only members of the group, aside from Munkford, possessing the ability to count past twelve! After the friendly farmer shows them a cow-sized arachnid carcass, humongous horror crawls forth on segmented legs!

This is where Piper's stop-motion and practical creature effects shine, far better than in some of his other films. Make no mistake, this is one big ball of cheeeze-corn from start to finish. However, it is highly entertaining nonetheless. Be sure to stick around for the VERY low-rent military response to the giant bug monsters!

Have no fear, there's nothing serious going on here!...

Wait no, we should call it an INSULT to the 50's monster movies!

Atrocities like "Monster of the Loch Ness" are "The Godfather" compared to this utter piece of crap!

I'm very angry. I can't believe I spent 80 mins. of my life watching it. It's not that I'm masoquist but I truly enjoy cheesy, low budget b-movies, but this THING went too far.

The acting is sad! The F/X are horrible! laughable! The "Evil Dead 2" reference is atrocious! The lead male character dressing like Ash and sawing the "creature" made me wanna puke! Then there's a guy trying to act/look like Joe Pesci. That was the saddest thing. Horrible movie with horrible intentions.

There's no fear to God and this movie proves it.

PLEASE AVOID IT. PLEASE. 0/10!! Flush it! Probably the worst "horror" movie I've seen and that's a lot to say!

The film gets a star because I have to and because the sister, though a bad actor like all the rest (and wearing awful makeup), wasn't killed first, nor was she useless. Unfortunately, no one was likable in this awful film, especially the professor and his rock-stupid, shrill, annoying bits of fluff. There is nothing good about this film, nor do I buy that it's a take on old B-movies.