Gestrandet im Paradies

Three (known as Survival Island in the good old' U.S. of A., which is a horrible title), is best known as that movie where Kelly Brook gets her knockers out. That aspect of the movie absolutely does not disappoint. But as grateful as I am that it provided that vital service, I wish it had at least one other reason for me to recommend it. 

It's basically about three immoral, horrible people who get stranded on an island together after their boat is destroyed, and then proceed to do pretty horrible things to each other. It's not great, but I've seen much worse. Three has a TV movie quality to it, and if you watch it with the appropriate level of expectations, it's not bad. Would I have watched it if Kelly Brook wasn't in it? Maybe. That's more than I can say for most movies that exist solely as an excuse to ogle a really hot woman.

An incredibly beautiful woman washes up on the beach. She turns out to be a "teaser" as writer-director Stewart Raffill flashes back to what happened before a boating mishap. Restarting, two wealthy couples arrange for a yacht in the Bahamas to take them out for some fishing and fun on the water. One couple may really be shark food, apparently. Focus on the other couple, balding but rich Billy Zane (as Jack) and his beautifully proportioned wife Kelly Brook (as Jennifer). They hire muscular wavy-haired Juan Pablo Di Pace (as Manuel) to serve drinks and help out on the boat. You get the picture? If not, you don't pick up signals very well...

Now, also part of the set-up is an arousing local native, hot-tempered Maria Victoria Di Pace. She has a fight with Mr. Pablo Di Pace before the ship hits the sea. You should note how they slap each other around. As a parallel, Ms. Brook likes to be tied up while Mr. Zane reels it in...

Maria likes to draw pentagrams and play with her voodoo doll. This seems to drive the plot of the "Three" sex-obsessed "Survival Island" inhabitants. Women must end up on top. It is silly in the opening scenes and gets sillier later. So, why is this film any good? A couple of reasons...

You should not be asking how Mr. Zane washes up on the beach with bloody feet. Maybe he found an air pocket under water and ran around on sharp sea shells; possibly, the baggies covering Zane's feet slipped off just before he reappears. Ignore the voodoo and incongruities. If a Bic pen can survive, so can a cigarette lighter. Mr. Raffill and his crew, especially photographer Tony Imi, skillfully present pretty scenes in a luscious location. The women and Pablo Di Pace are incredibly beautiful, but the star attraction is absolutely Brook. Her wardrobe consists mainly of a white bikini and a big, sheer green shawl. She fits and fills the screen quite nicely. Brook never stops titillating and never has to try.

***** Survival Island/Three (11/16/2005) Stewart Raffill ~ Kelly Brook, Billy Zane, Juan Pablo Di Pace, Maria Victoria Di Pace

When I imagine being shipwrecked on a remote island, with nothing to eat except for what I can catch in the sea, the sun beating down, and only the rags I was washed up in to wear for the foreseeable future, it's not an appealing prospect. When I imagine the same situation, only in the company of busty Brit babe Kelly Brook, whose entire wardrobe consists of a tiny white bikini and a green chiffon scarf, being so far away from civilisation suddenly seems much more bearable…

In Three (AKA Survival Island), boat-hand Manuel (Juan Pablo Di Pace) finds himself stranded on a deserted island with Jennifer (played by voluptuous Brook) after a fire on a chartered yacht forces them overboard. Manuel takes a liking to Jennifer ('cos, you know, he's not blind, or gay) but he's barely had time to acquaint himself with the lovely lady before another survivor is washed up on the island: Jennifer's husband Jack (Billy Zane), who's none too happy at seeing Manuel eyeing up his tasty wife. Two's company and three's a crowd, as the saying goes, and pretty soon Jack and Manuel are at each other's throats, and with Jennifer eventually succumbing to Manuel's charms, it ain't going to end well.

There's no two ways about it, Three is utter trash. But it's entertaining trash. Kelly Brook can't act to save her life but she's got a killer set of curves, and with the gorgeous gal strutting around in her swimsuit, occasionally taking it off for a swim or to have sex in the surf, I was never bored. Zane overacts for all he's worth, but he doesn't care—he was too busy hooking up with Brook in real life to care about giving a decent performance. Juan Pablo Di Pace is forgettable as the Latino hunk, but he serves a purpose: he's there to for the ladies to lust over while the guys are drooling over Ms. Brook's bod.

I can only assume the previous posts came from execs at the production company...

Attended the UK premiere last night. Zane and Brook attended (they probably knew I was gonna be there) and are undoubtedly stars, but what a turkey of a film. I felt sorry for them at times, when the audience erupted in laughter at what were serious 'thriller' scenes.

But perhaps I was missing the point. Perhaps an element of tongue-in-cheek was intended. If so, pure genius. If not, career genocide.

On the plus side, Zane always shines, and Brook can actually act a little. As the other half said (as we ran out the cinema, avec broken ribs), they can be forgiven for this film as they both seem like nice people! The scriptwriter, however, should be marooned.

Much better than I expected. Was expecting a B-grade skin flick and it is better than that.

Plot isn't bad and has some good twists and intrigues. The director keeps things moving and the film doesn't overstay its welcome. Has some odd and pointless detours though, e.g. the voodoo stuff.

No-star cast does OK. Even Kelly Brook, who isn't there for her acting ability, is reasonably convincing.