13 Dead Men

Lorenzo Lamas is a great actor. A poor man's Seagal, he brings a six pack and great hair to every role he plays. 13 Dead Men is no exception, as him and his team of diamond thieves are in charge of breaking a guilty, but not that guilty, man out of prison and into our hearts.

But seriously, this is a real stinker. I was wondering why this needed to be made, but then realized that Van Damme was cast in Expendables 2. This creates a disparity in the world of action stars, as Lamas might now be the only one to not grace the screen in the Stallone epics we have all come to love and cherish. Enter 13 Dead Men, the perfect vehicle to show how Lamas can still get down, Kung-fu style. Oh yeah, and Mystikal is in this too.

Well, I've got no problem with the script, since it's a normal 'good guy in jail' script. But I didn't like something else. Everything! Directed and performed in the worst way it could ever be! The movie has a cheap-porno atmosphere in witch the actors (may God help them become that) perform in a totally unnatural way. Awful! Some actors can be saved though, especially if you think that they had to act in this thing. Resuming : Cheap porno-movie atmosphere, awful acting and directing, lots of violence and dirty talk, cheap chicks and guns. I loved it!

From the opening titles over colorful graffitti to the stark prison cells, 13 dead men delivers. I was sucked into the film from the get-go. The cinematography was very stark and it had a gritty feel to it. When all others are doing their rendition of "Hong Kong cinema" this film took a hundred eighty degree turn and went "Old school" with its fight action. The Director opted for hand held rough and tumble action that made it feel real. The characters were well defined with a true sense of purpose which is a rare treat since most characters in films of this genre are one-dimensional. The overall direction of both the drama and action is very stylish. Mystikal was one of the shining lights in this film. He outdid himself in this one as an actor. In spite of the low budget feel to it, the movie is really enjoyable.

Malachi (Ashley Tucker), is a professional diamond thief and is falsely convicted for murder and is placed on death row in a very high-security prison. There is a crooked Warden named Kowalski (David Weininger) who wants to obtain these diamonds and runs a prison with a staff that is all corrupt and mistreats all prisoners. Shalena Hughes, (Jay'me) is a female prison guard who becomes interested in Ashley Tucker and feels he is being pick on and beaten on a daily basis. Santos,(Lorenzo Lamas) is Malachi's partner in crime and he finds out the warden is planning to up the date on his execution and has to break him out very quickly. There is plenty of violence and horrible beatings and fights throughout the entire film. This film is really a big bomb, and not worth watching, unless you like the great acting of Mystikal, (Caj) who gives a great supporting role.

I absolutely cannot understand why this movie was as bad as it was. The writer, director, producer, fight coordinator, actors, and anyone else working on this abomination must've been so excited about making a "real" movie, and not a porno that they did not notice the massive suckage that it is. Mystikal is the worst actor in this movie. Crucial scenes that are supposed to develop his character, only work to make him look like a retard. Not once did he ever interact with the others, he just read his lines and cursed a lot. Next was the massive amount of scenes that didn't make sense.

1.The Cornbread Scene(what was the purpose!?!!?) 2.During the jailbreak where the Santos(Lorenzo Lamas) breaks out the crazy looking white guy, just because he asked...then that same guy goes on to fight one of Santos' teamates(the big black guy)...why!?!? 3.The "Evil" warden's whore/girlfriend..what is up with their relationship..it looked like for a while that an interesting subplot was going to develop....nope..more confusion.

A badly written film, with almost no character development, no background information(you feel like you jump right into the middle of movie), and no rising action(just constant conflict..much of which has nothing to do with the central plot.) I can honestly say that this is the worst movie i've ever seen..and the funniest...CORNBREAD....!!!