Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

I really don't think I've ever seen a film that was worse than this one. At the piece of dialogue that is commonly referred to as 'THE LINE' I actually HAD to call my friend with whom I've seen lots of movies lately. I told him what the movie was about and we watched the finale 'together', him on the phone, me doing the live reporting from behind the screen. Laughing out loud almost all the time.

I don't think there's a single one of this films atrocities left that hasn't already been commented on, but it really keeps you roaring with laughter the whole 90 minutes. Oh... maybe there is something I didn't hear anybody rant about. The marlin footage. Was that seventies? Sixties maybe? Was it even in color? And really... What was that guy having sex for? And did I really pick up the suggestion that that woman was his fathers (?) wife???

When I first watched the movie, I recognized a lot of footage from underwater documentaries (the producers should check copywright details with the estate of cmdr. Cousteau & others). The first half of the movie was no more than a lame excuse to show naked women and people being eaten. If you look close you can actually see a lot of editing mistakes. PS. sharks do not roar like some kind of mutated dog in the water !!!

When the director tries to create the feeling that the shark is swimming at a tremendous depth, you can see the surface in the background. The same goes vice versa.

In the second half there are different sharks taking on the role of the lead character. The actual megalodon is displayed as a 30's monster that eats everything in its path. A shark (even a Megalodon), would never eat a full size motorboat or jetski, try passing such a thing true your intestine...?. And why, were people jumping in the water when there is a shark attacking your boat? Why .... you should check it out yourself, you'll find lots of fun things to discuss.

If you enjoy B-movies, this is one for you, plenty of nudity, a Tom Cruise look-a-like and even more stock shark footage. If that's not enough, the lead lady was actually in the first Shark Attack movie as a different character. This one makes me want to see the other two with my friends and laugh until I get sick. You really can appreciate a movie like this if you were an avid MST3K watcher. Oh yeah, contains the CORNIEST LINE EVER! You will not miss it, trust me.

I can say in all seriousness that this film is the funniest I have ever had the good fortune to watch. The fact that the humor is unintentional only makes it that much better (unless this is all a joke and it really is supposed to be this bad). In any case, anyone who feels like their life is going poorly, just remember: not once, at any point in your life have you ever produced anything half as bad as this movie. Everything about this movie, from the script to the acting and, especially, to the special effects, is literally laugh-out-loud funny. I strongly strongly recommend Shark Attack 3: Megalodon to anyone who hasn't revelled in its B-movie glory.

If you ever had doubts of a cinematic higher power this is your proof. For surely such a perfect movie could not exist with the limited abilities of mere mortals.

I applaud you Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. Bravo. Had I been in charge I probably would have called it quits thinking I could never top the super smash hit Shark Attack 2, but you prove me to be a fool.

Number one: The Chemistry between Barrowman and McShane...WOW!!! Like a modern day Romeo and Juliet these two decide to take on a shark that ranges from 10 feet or so to a whopping 900 feet. Roy Scheider should be ashamed of himself. Jaws was an okay movie, but he is certainly no Barrowman, far from it. With love on the line, I don't think I could be the man Barrowman is. He truly is a hero among heroes.

And let us not forget Viktor Chichov's unforgetable performance as "Male Tourist". Viktor hammers home the point that there are no small parts.

With mind boggling effects that will blow you away, Shark Attack 3 is without a doubt the greatest Shark movie ever.

Tracy and Hepburn got nothing on Barrowman and McShane. I can only pray there is a Shark Attack 4.