Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

I really don't think I've ever seen a film that was worse than this one. At the piece of dialogue that is commonly referred to as 'THE LINE' I actually HAD to call my friend with whom I've seen lots of movies lately. I told him what the movie was about and we watched the finale 'together', him on the phone, me doing the live reporting from behind the screen. Laughing out loud almost all the time.

I don't think there's a single one of this films atrocities left that hasn't already been commented on, but it really keeps you roaring with laughter the whole 90 minutes. Oh... maybe there is something I didn't hear anybody rant about. The marlin footage. Was that seventies? Sixties maybe? Was it even in color? And really... What was that guy having sex for? And did I really pick up the suggestion that that woman was his fathers (?) wife???

When I first watched the movie, I recognized a lot of footage from underwater documentaries (the producers should check copywright details with the estate of cmdr. Cousteau & others). The first half of the movie was no more than a lame excuse to show naked women and people being eaten. If you look close you can actually see a lot of editing mistakes. PS. sharks do not roar like some kind of mutated dog in the water !!!

When the director tries to create the feeling that the shark is swimming at a tremendous depth, you can see the surface in the background. The same goes vice versa.

In the second half there are different sharks taking on the role of the lead character. The actual megalodon is displayed as a 30's monster that eats everything in its path. A shark (even a Megalodon), would never eat a full size motorboat or jetski, try passing such a thing true your intestine...?. And why, were people jumping in the water when there is a shark attacking your boat? Why .... you should check it out yourself, you'll find lots of fun things to discuss.

This movie is pretty much at the top of the bad movie food chain. I laughed at literally every scene, I don't know how they managed to make a simple thing like the hero typing an email funny but they did.

The first thing you notice about the movie is the shark is either shown as shark footage (which is fair enough) or something that looks like it was made in Microsoft paint. I'm guessing bad actors are drawn to bad scripts like sharks to chum and this chum is especially fishy. Witness the security guard who just has to say a couple of simple lines but is quite clearly reading from a cue card he can't quite see. Most movies would cut him out, especially as the scene is pointless.

I also especially liked the helicopter pilot, if a man doesn't twitch a muscle at the sight of a 100ft shark then it's hard to imagine anything in life really moving him. Maybe he's just feeling down because his helicopter is quite clearly a toy or maybe he's just bemused because the shark grunts like a pig throughout the film.

The best scene doesn't involve the shark at all. They're stood on the beach and our hero delivers one of the worst lines ever written. If you've seen the movie you know the one, if not then you have the right to discover the beauty of it yourself.

Probably the funniest film ever made, no bad movie shelf is complete without it. Fingers crossed they make another one with the exact same cast and writer.

If you ever had doubts of a cinematic higher power this is your proof. For surely such a perfect movie could not exist with the limited abilities of mere mortals.

I applaud you Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. Bravo. Had I been in charge I probably would have called it quits thinking I could never top the super smash hit Shark Attack 2, but you prove me to be a fool.

Number one: The Chemistry between Barrowman and McShane...WOW!!! Like a modern day Romeo and Juliet these two decide to take on a shark that ranges from 10 feet or so to a whopping 900 feet. Roy Scheider should be ashamed of himself. Jaws was an okay movie, but he is certainly no Barrowman, far from it. With love on the line, I don't think I could be the man Barrowman is. He truly is a hero among heroes.

And let us not forget Viktor Chichov's unforgetable performance as "Male Tourist". Viktor hammers home the point that there are no small parts.

With mind boggling effects that will blow you away, Shark Attack 3 is without a doubt the greatest Shark movie ever.

Tracy and Hepburn got nothing on Barrowman and McShane. I can only pray there is a Shark Attack 4.

I don't usually comment on films that have more than 100 reviews I agree with, but I can not help but comment on this one. Not that there is much to add, mind you. This film is craptacular! On one hand it may just be the worst movie ever, and I mean ever, made. One the other, I have never laughed that much at a film before.

The shark that changes from a Great White to a Tiger shark, back to a Great White in one attack. Ben's fabulous digital camera, which magically knows what he's taking a picture of and removes everything else from the photo. The lead actress (and I use the term actress loosely) who never stops smiling, even when she's crying. The mini sub that's bigger inside than outside. The Bulgarian actors trying to sound like Mexicans. The totally redundant sex scenes. The LINE (you probably know what it is, but on the off chance you don't - you'll know it when you hear it). All this adds up to hilarity. Too bad they were aiming for horror.

Some people will say that it's a bad film, and advise against it. If I had expected a good megalodon (megalo-who? lol) film and been shown this instead, I would have been disappointed. But people, lets face it, it's called Shark Attack 3! How serious can such a film be? Instead, read the reviews (and in this case even spoilers don't actually spoil anything), grab your friends and prepare to laugh like a loon!

In short, I'll give this film 1 star, but it deserves 10 for pure comic value.