Jurassic Raptor

Before I begin, let me just say the film is bad. There's no need in saying why. It's just bad. Bad writing, directing, special effects, acting, you name it. BUT the movie does have two things going for it: the briefly exposed breasts of the beautiful and surgically-enhanced Lorissa McComas, and the star power of one Eric Roberts. I mean it, how can you not enjoy an Eric Roberts movie? Yeah the movie may be crap on a stick, but Roberts hams scenes up to the point you just have to laugh. I rent every Eric Roberts movie that I can find. The guy is classic. Years from now people will remember Eric as the king of straight-to-video and it's a title he really deserves. Anybody who can act with a straight face in a movie that has a muppet for a raptor is a genius.

Roger Corman has enjoyed his shares of cinematic infamy in his illustrious low-budget career, spanning over 300 movies. While few (if any) would call him great, his films' obscure connections to underground culture (via reference, tribute, or influence) have ensured him a warped legacy of sorts. Throughout his career, he has also developed a bad habit of remaking his own films ("Piranha", "Humanoids from the Deep", "The Black Scorpion", etc.), without improving on them in the slightest. "Raptor", "written" and "directed" by "Jay Andrews" (Jim Wynorski, the man behind one of my favorite cinematic guilty pleasures, "Chopping Mall") takes that practice to a disturbing new low regarding Corman's mid-'90s "Carnosaur" trilogy.

Wynorski's credits are in quotes because "Raptor" isn't a tribute to the "Carnosaur" films, and not even a remake. "Raptor" IS the "Carnosaur" films, or at least the film's dinosaur-induced death scenes, haphazardly spliced together with trace elements of the original plot and some newly shot scenes (many of which consist of "dino's eye view" shots in a lame attempt to make the inserted scenes look less obvious). The "new" material was written around the footage, instead of vice versa, and is totally unremarkable, with huge gaps of logic (e.g. two separate teams are sent in by the military simply so footage from parts 2 and 3, where the soldiers had different uniforms, could be included), which is amazing considering how little logic plays into any of the "Carnosaur" films already. The actors' lack of any feeling in their characters (though in fairness, any character dimension is only presented in the script once, maybe twice) brings to mind the terribly wooden acting in 1950's b-films, and it certainly doesn't make anything between the ripped-off attack scenes worth watching. Even more embarrassing for the actors of the new scenes is when there is an obvious discrepancy in the physical build between the new actor and the actor in the original scene. When the only scene evoking any response in a film is the oldest trick in the horror book, the "spring-loaded animal", something is seriously wrong.

As it stands, this is a despicable practice in two b-grade figures (who need not worry about ruining their reputations, because they haven't got one) ripping off their own material, for the cheapest and quickest of dirty tricks, simply because they can (why else would anyone feel possessed to rip off a series meant to be a rip off of the "Jurassic Park" series?). There isn't much more I can say other than that this film carries my very highest recommendations AGAINST viewing; the only good thing about it (besides gazing at Melissa Braselle's navel) is that now I don't have to see any of the "Carnosaur" movies.

The only reason there is a question mark in parenthesis is NOT because I haven't seen every film released in 2001 thus far. It's because this film was only made PARTLY in 2001. The rest of it was stolen from Roger Corman's OTHER dinosaur films, Carnosaur 1-3.

I have a confession to make. "Carnosaur 2" is perhaps one of my favorite B-movies. It borrows so much from James Cameron's "Aliens" it's not even funny. But I love it. I can't explain exactly why. It just WORKS for me. I liked the sets, I liked the cinematography, I liked how they borrowed from "Aliens". It's all a bit ironic that Cameron at one point was an understudy of Corman's, with films like "Battle Beyond the Stars" (1980).

I own the Carnosaur trilogy on DVD, and the most I can say for part one is that it has moments. The most I can say for the third is that it took me five years to find it watchable.

Now we have "Raptor," which does NOT continue that series. Instead, it borrows ENTIRE scenes from the Carnosaur Trilogy and BUILDS a movie around it. And somehow Roger Corman was able to get Eric Roberts and Corbin Bernsen to do it. Now, I'm not saying either Roberts or Bernsen are at any kind of career high. But they were both at one point what could be called RESPECTABLE actors. Not here. Sure, actors react to effects they won't even see while filming all the time. Here, however, they are reacting to mismatched footage from films that are between five and eight years old. There's even a sherrif whose costume was modeled directly after a character in "Carnosaur 1." Apparently it made too much sense to get the original guy back.

When "Raptor" was announced I was a wee bit excited. I was however disappointed when Corman said that they'd be using the old dinosaur models from "Carnosaur." Apparently Corman decided after this interview was conducted that he wouldn't even do that. And its not that he couldn't find an FX crew to do it. The script for this was clearly written keeping in mind that the story had to be built around pre-existing stock footage.

Don't compare this to Ed Wood. Ed did better than this. At least he only used the stock footage of Bela once, in one film. There are ways of incorporating stock footage into a movie, and "Raptor" takes this frowned-upon technique to a new low. Even if you liked "Carnosaur 3: Primal Species," stay away from "Raptor."

OK, so most people have noticed the thing with the orange men that do nothing, but what about all the other mistakes people?! 1) After the 'sex scene' ( i use the term lightly as it is about as sexy as cold sick), the actress (forgive me 4 not wanting to know her name) is wearing no lipstick wotsoeva, but when she is back inside the truck her lips r bright pink! 2) When someone reports that there are 'two dead bodies' in the back of a car the last thing you expect to see is two moving bodies (give us some credit people!). It's as though they could only afford 1 roll of film for each scene! 3) Thirdly, the particular part which had me rolling around laughin was wen u see a couple of fat dudes slowly jogging at a gentle rate and then one of the military peeps screaming into his walky-talky "we have employees moving at a rapid pace down the corridor". The fat guys running was jokes enough,but the comment as well?! 4) Everytime sum1 is wearing sunglasses u can see the cameras filming back @ u. Also, in one scene u can see a microphone taped inside a man's coat. 5) Not so much a mistake, but we timed the sex scene and it was 7mins and 41secs. Now correct me of i'm wrong, but a blatantly looped sex scene throughout which the couple stay in one position and dont even orgasm is hardly a turn-on. 6) Again, not so much a mistake as just being funny: when they go to the labs and talk about how they found top-secret info on the "internet" (what the f***?!!!). However, through the darkness, there was a glistening light, a sign of hope and glory that came in the form of the character... Lyle. For those who havent seen the film, picture this... You have decided to quit your job (which involved illegally breeding dinosaurs) and you're about to leave when your master-mind evil ex-boss asks you to go to the 'laser room' (wouldnt the name give it away?), where u know a T-Rex is being held. Now, for no earthly explainable reason u decide to go anyway and stand rite infront of the T-REx... Inevitably: you die.

I rest my case.

Raptor is simply a scion of 1950's cheap monster pictures. It's fun. The cast does a fair job. There are two real beauties in it. Who wouldn't want to ogle Melissa Brasselle and Lorissa McComas? The special effects are laughable, but isn't that all part of the heritage that we enjoy?

I think people expect too much from D movies these days. [Shades of "Horror of Party Beach"!] A cheap, low-budget picture is still what it was. If you enjoy the ambience of penurious production values, a Swiss cheese plot, stunning beauties, and the amateruish action scenes; then you have succeeded in comprehending the "Zen" of Raptor. I always watch it when it comes on cable. One of my favorite parts is when Lorissa McComas comes out of her coma [more shades- of "Them"] and starts ranting about the "big lizard". And the competing special ops squads are a riot. Where did they dredge up those uniforms? Remember when they just went to army surplus?

It's just a fun, cheap movie; and anyone who loves monster pictures should enjoy it at some level. Give it a try!