Jurassic Raptor

Before I begin, let me just say the film is bad. There's no need in saying why. It's just bad. Bad writing, directing, special effects, acting, you name it. BUT the movie does have two things going for it: the briefly exposed breasts of the beautiful and surgically-enhanced Lorissa McComas, and the star power of one Eric Roberts. I mean it, how can you not enjoy an Eric Roberts movie? Yeah the movie may be crap on a stick, but Roberts hams scenes up to the point you just have to laugh. I rent every Eric Roberts movie that I can find. The guy is classic. Years from now people will remember Eric as the king of straight-to-video and it's a title he really deserves. Anybody who can act with a straight face in a movie that has a muppet for a raptor is a genius.

Oy vey... Jurrasic Park got Corman-ized. As usual the plot is wafer thin, from 1 foot tall dinosaurs that weigh 150 pounds and leave tracks bigger than they are, to inexplicable science which uses lasers to keep the dinosaurs in check and poultry trucks which have chickens loose in cages large enough for big dogs (I've seen chicken trucks they are all in cages the size of shoe boxes). And all that is in the first 15 minutes of this disaster of a film. All the male actors are imbeciles (thinking a grizzly might be loose in the desert, constantly dropping items to give the raptor an easy kill) and the female actors all look like they just came from a modeling shoot for Fredrick's of Hollywood. The raptor itself is the worst thing since the Hobgoblins (from the movie of the same name), it looks like they had a hand puppet version and a plastic model for the "motion" shots. If you want a good movie to sit around and heckle MST3K style, this is gold. If you want competent film making and good acting... don't watch a Roger Corman film. Acting gets a 4 out 10, some of the players upon this stage did try. Story gets a 2 out of 10, it reads like a drunken storytelling session gone bad. Special effects gets a 2 out of 10, I've seen worse, but not many.

When 2 of the biggest b movie stars Eric Roberts and Corbin Bernsen are in a movie together for a paycheck you know you are in for a very bad movie, using scenes we saw before in carnasaur did anyone think no one would notice? And the scenes with the dinosaurs look awfully cheap like muppet show puppets the other actors in it are Roger Corman regulars, a re used soundtrack from humanoids from the deep.by the late James Horner . Probably the best part of this made for video movie. Poor Eric Roberts and Corbin Bernsen they must've really needed the money this would be a good candidate for Mystery Science theater 3000.

OK, so most people have noticed the thing with the orange men that do nothing, but what about all the other mistakes people?! 1) After the 'sex scene' ( i use the term lightly as it is about as sexy as cold sick), the actress (forgive me 4 not wanting to know her name) is wearing no lipstick wotsoeva, but when she is back inside the truck her lips r bright pink! 2) When someone reports that there are 'two dead bodies' in the back of a car the last thing you expect to see is two moving bodies (give us some credit people!). It's as though they could only afford 1 roll of film for each scene! 3) Thirdly, the particular part which had me rolling around laughin was wen u see a couple of fat dudes slowly jogging at a gentle rate and then one of the military peeps screaming into his walky-talky "we have employees moving at a rapid pace down the corridor". The fat guys running was jokes enough,but the comment as well?! 4) Everytime sum1 is wearing sunglasses u can see the cameras filming back @ u. Also, in one scene u can see a microphone taped inside a man's coat. 5) Not so much a mistake, but we timed the sex scene and it was 7mins and 41secs. Now correct me of i'm wrong, but a blatantly looped sex scene throughout which the couple stay in one position and dont even orgasm is hardly a turn-on. 6) Again, not so much a mistake as just being funny: when they go to the labs and talk about how they found top-secret info on the "internet" (what the f***?!!!). However, through the darkness, there was a glistening light, a sign of hope and glory that came in the form of the character... Lyle. For those who havent seen the film, picture this... You have decided to quit your job (which involved illegally breeding dinosaurs) and you're about to leave when your master-mind evil ex-boss asks you to go to the 'laser room' (wouldnt the name give it away?), where u know a T-Rex is being held. Now, for no earthly explainable reason u decide to go anyway and stand rite infront of the T-REx... Inevitably: you die.

I rest my case.

The only reason there is a question mark in parenthesis is NOT because I haven't seen every film released in 2001 thus far. It's because this film was only made PARTLY in 2001. The rest of it was stolen from Roger Corman's OTHER dinosaur films, Carnosaur 1-3.

I have a confession to make. "Carnosaur 2" is perhaps one of my favorite B-movies. It borrows so much from James Cameron's "Aliens" it's not even funny. But I love it. I can't explain exactly why. It just WORKS for me. I liked the sets, I liked the cinematography, I liked how they borrowed from "Aliens". It's all a bit ironic that Cameron at one point was an understudy of Corman's, with films like "Battle Beyond the Stars" (1980).

I own the Carnosaur trilogy on DVD, and the most I can say for part one is that it has moments. The most I can say for the third is that it took me five years to find it watchable.

Now we have "Raptor," which does NOT continue that series. Instead, it borrows ENTIRE scenes from the Carnosaur Trilogy and BUILDS a movie around it. And somehow Roger Corman was able to get Eric Roberts and Corbin Bernsen to do it. Now, I'm not saying either Roberts or Bernsen are at any kind of career high. But they were both at one point what could be called RESPECTABLE actors. Not here. Sure, actors react to effects they won't even see while filming all the time. Here, however, they are reacting to mismatched footage from films that are between five and eight years old. There's even a sherrif whose costume was modeled directly after a character in "Carnosaur 1." Apparently it made too much sense to get the original guy back.

When "Raptor" was announced I was a wee bit excited. I was however disappointed when Corman said that they'd be using the old dinosaur models from "Carnosaur." Apparently Corman decided after this interview was conducted that he wouldn't even do that. And its not that he couldn't find an FX crew to do it. The script for this was clearly written keeping in mind that the story had to be built around pre-existing stock footage.

Don't compare this to Ed Wood. Ed did better than this. At least he only used the stock footage of Bela once, in one film. There are ways of incorporating stock footage into a movie, and "Raptor" takes this frowned-upon technique to a new low. Even if you liked "Carnosaur 3: Primal Species," stay away from "Raptor."