Cold Fish

I can only regret that I invested some money in this film! I've seen many bad ones, but this one is one of the worst films ever… it is just so meaningless, brain dead and badly done! First of all the acting is embarrassing, especially the arty couple is horrendously bad, even worse than average actors in a student film – especially the woman! The main character comes across as a rather big and stupid bloke, but not someone you bother engaging with. His girlfriend is probably the one that gives the best performance (if you can talk about that) but you hardly notice her… About the technical side of the film there is nothing special to remark, except the direction of the camera is very student film look a like and simple, but what frustrates me most as the viewer is the story. Because the story is absolutely meaningless, which becomes more and more obvious as it develops… also the "real life" killing footage is absolutely tasteless, especially because it is advertised so strongly on the front of the DVD cover… No wonder the critics walked out during the screening in Cannes – (I don't think it was because of this films "controversial" qualities) – rather the embarrassment that a film like this could reach Cannes!!! A last remark I would like to make with regards to Cold Fish is the question of who would make a film like this and do it so badly? And why, since the film is originally from 2001, would he or she want to send it out on DVD again in 2005! Are these people completely without any sense of direction and just wanting to make as much money as possibly – if so please change profession… because it doesn't look like you have anything to give with regards to films

Let's get one thing straight from the start: THIS IS A ROTTEN MOVIE! I know because I'm one of the few people to have seen it, one of the few that will ever see it and because I know a lot of people who worked on it and had to hear their horror stories about how bad the shoot was.

OK, but a bad film shoot experience doesn't necessarily mean a bad end product so I'll stick to JUST the movie review. First of all, it's not a disturbing film because of the material: You hardly see any of the "execution" footage and the characters are so laughable and unconvincing you don't find the premise convincing either. The plot of execution footage for art was the plot of an old episode of "Doomwatch" back in the early 70's. Just rip off Doomwatch, no one will notice..... The script is also littered with inappropriate swear words in the wrong places, much like Spock's "they're not the hell your whales" line in Star Trek IV. "If you think the f*** you can sleep with my wife..." And they try to add a love triangle/quartet plot in there which is frankly, the f***, is hard to believe...as if any of the main characters could find each other attractive.

I mentioned the characters and unconvincing characters are made worse by having inept acting. It's saying something when the two best performances come from "cameos" from Christopher Biggins and Rose Marie. The supposedly "sinister" couple are straight from an amateur dramatics company with the least threatening villain since the con man from "Bodger and Badger" (the gun up the bottom scene raises many unintentional laughs) making threats in a totally wooden delivery. Oh, speaking of wooden, I forgot to mention Jon-Paul Gates. What is with his accent? It's high pitched, whiny and somewhere between the West Country and the land of the Chipmunks. He's supposed to be a virile, dedicated newshound and sex machine and yet....with his strangulated accent and tendency to go cross eyed when he's concentrating, I end up trying to curb my laughter.

The lighting is also all over the place...massively overlit for the most part and with smoke machines pouring out pointless smoke effects through white light to give it that 80's Duran Duran video look. Only it doesn't quite pull it off. I say doesn't quite but I really mean to say it overshoots it and crash lands in a burning, twisted mess.

It's a shame they're not making any more episodes of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 because it's prime fodder for them. Oh, and Dave 777 from London really likes this film so much he's written 3 different reviews of it! And 3 people have voted this movie a 10! And the director's first name is David...wow, what a coincidence.

A movie with excellent production value and strong performances, especially from the lead actor. I must say that while this is no Hollywood Blockbuster, it is one of those rare British films that looks like it could have been made in the States.

"Cold Fish" is a low-budget made for video/TV thriller that delivers with an interesting story about some underground video artists who exhibit people being killed at stuffy cocktail parties. A young "wannabe" reporter has to penetrate and expose the ring. The concept is kind of out there but it was an enjoyable film if you like B genre thrillers where villains are unmistakably villains. Potential cult favorite!

Well, I just rented 'Cold Fish' from Blockbuster, being in the mood for something edgy and slightly disturbing. Did it live up to this promise? Well, not really. The first problem is the acting. From the outset, the standard is generally poor overall, however I found the characters of Jo (Alex, the lead's ex-junkie girlfriend) and Jon Henley (one of the baddies) the most distracting. Both actors are very wooden and their line delivery is very stilted; I started hoping Jo might go back on the drugs if it might deliver a bit of emotion in her performance! Other reviewers have criticised the lead actor Jon-Paul Gates (Alex), and, whilst it was hardly Oscar-winning, I didn't find him too off-putting.

The second problem was the supposedly shocking and edgy subject matter. Well, maybe I'm acclimatised to this sort of thing, but it seemed no more risky than watching the BBC evening news. Yes, they used archive clips of genuine executions and disasters; but these have been played a hundred times over already on TV and in documentaries, and their use in a film seemed nothing more than repetitive. By the end I was wondering what content was supposed to justify the 18 rating of the film.

Overall, the plot is interesting enough to sustain you for an hour and a half, and whilst the denouement is rather predictable, it's not that bad a film; just a bit lacking in places and severely restricted by the clearly very low budget.