Scorpion Thunderbolt

Another cut and paste film starring Richard Harrison from Joseph Lai's cinematic chop-shop IFD Films. But this time there is nary a ninja in sight as we have Harrison battling a demented witch who is killing people by controlling a woman who turns into a large half human/half snake monster. The main portion of the film deals with the snake woman and her love affair with a cop and that begins to get old after a while (although it is gory). The Harrison inserts have him going to find and destroy this "evil witch who lives in a red castle" and they are the highlight of the film. His first scene has him picking up a girl after she has flashed him on the side of the road. "I hate to see someone stand in the rain," he says. Then she tells him that she is an actress (she is actually an assassin sent by a witch) and they should head to the studio to check out her latest film. Cut to Harrison and that chick in a screening room watching one of her films which consists solely of her being tied up naked and painted on by some Chinese dude. Harrison looks at it completely stone faced and then leans over and says, "I've got to admit, you have f@#king talent!" She then proceeds to do a striptease for him set to the sounds of looped Jean Michele Jarre. The climactic battle features stings from both RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and SUPERMAN. Awesome!

Scorpion Thunderbolt is my 20th Godfrey Ho film to date, which means that, to my shame, I have now watched more films by Ho than I have Hitchcock. Ho is the yin to Hitchcock's yang, his films lacking in artistic merit, devoid of technical ability and free from the bounds of logic. Scorpion Thunderbolt is a prime example - a confusing mash-up of martial arts, monsters and magic that pays no heed to the established rules of cinema.

By re-editing scenes from 1983 Taiwanese horror Grudge of the Sleepwalking Woman, and inserting new footage featuring his go-to star Richard Harrison, Ho has created yet another wild and totally incomprehensible mess of random imagery that rarely makes sense. It's hard going at times, with scenes jumping awkwardly from the old footage to the new, terrible acting and dreadful effects, but occasionally the film entertains through its ineptitude and sheer bizarreness.

The plot, if one can call it that, concerns a pretty journalist called Helen Yu who transforms into a snake demon to kill women, her murderous impulses urged on by a semi-naked witch with golden talons and a blind man with a flute. Meanwhile, martial arts expert Harrison beats up and kills various baddies in his quest to destroy the witch using his magic ring, a golden sword and a mystical mirror.

Along the way, we witness a mental patient in a tree slinging animal guts at his carers, a hitch-hiker flashes her tits at Richard Harrison (before showing him her porn movie), Helen and her cop boyfriend Jackie run in slow motion along a beach, a man shoots snooker balls between a woman's legs, snakes attack Helen and Jackie while they are driving (animals were probably harmed during the filming of this scene), the witch does some expressive dance, and Helen transforms into a flying rubber snake-person.

You won't see any of that in a Hitchcock movie!

Best quote in the film-"Be careful....of the monster". 🤣🤣🤣. Total pile of trash production, but you get some tit shots every now and then. Really makes the perpetual confusion more bearable. The film ends quit abruptly (scripted from a 4th grader) and strangely you want more!

How much credit should you give to a guy who is only responsible for about fifteen percent of the footage you actually see in a film? Who knows, but I'm giving this Godfrey Ho film an eight anyway. I'm not even sure if he's actually seen any of it himself.

This one (or two, if you know what I mean), involves a lady who turns into a snake demon every time a blind guy plays a flute which is triggered by a witch demon playing the bongos. In snake form this lady goes out and murders folks in graphic ways. The police are baffled. And crap, but she manages to hook up with one of them anyway (the one that's practically stalked by one of his colleagues).

In the film that Godfrey Ho actually bothered doing himself, Richard Harrison is baffled as various people wearing the same t-shirt constantly attack him in order to get a sacred ring off of him. The first person to try this is an actress who puts the moves on Richard while they are both watching a film of the actress being painted (just like Majestic Thunderbolt!).

This one is really high on the insane visuals, what with a guy playing pool while firing the balls straight at the crotch of his prisoner, then there's the lunatic with the dead pig hiding up in a tree, or two cobras descending from a ceiling to bite a guy in the eyes at the same time. Utter madness.

This is a great Godfrey Ho film and well worth your time - Perhaps not so funny as usual (what with most of the film being stolen wholesale and just played out, although we do get the hilarious cockney accents), it's still highly entertaining and never boring for a minute.

It's on YOUTUBE.

Dear God(frey)! What a bloody mess!

Poor Richard Harrison yet again finds himself acting out some completely nonsensical scenes which are then edited into a completely non related, even more nonsensical movie!

The plot concerns a female journalist who every now and then, against her will (at the beckoning of a blind, flute playing man) transforms into a snake demon type thing and proceeds to go on murderous rampages. This dramatic physiological change from a beautiful woman into a rubbery abomination is further instigated (so we're led to believe via newly edited in footage) by a wicked witch with long gold fingernails who spends her time banging on a drum and gyrating in a most uncoordinated manner....fair enough.

Harrison's scenes concern his possession of a magic ring which ostensibly holds the key to the dissolution of the witch's power and the witch's minions' subsequent attempts to relieve Harrison of the said item (by violent means) Yes indeed - this film is bad! Headache inducing-ly bad in fact, but if you're a Godfrey Ho fan, then you wouldn't have it any other way!

Highly recommended and a craptastic delight!