Black XXX-Mas

The problem with this movie is that it isn't funny, it isn't scary, it isn't dramatic, it isn't intriguing, it isn't stimulating, it isn't, it isn't exciting, it isn't even the slightest bit interesting. I saw this film recently on tape and I was glad I didn't spent any money to rent it. It's basically a poor attempt at film-making. I won't even bother to tell you the story. Story? What story?

Having some free time on my hands I decided to watch some short films on Atomfilms. "Black XXX-mas" runs about 11 minutes (9 and a half excluding credits) and is a urban updating of Little Red Riding Hood emphasis on the Hood part. If you're looking for an intricate plot, or any cohesive plot at all you'll be disappointed. This is all about mindless carnage, with a day in the life of a black thief Santa and his hot daughter Little Red. It's nothing that'll make you think, but it is interesting...up to a point when it just gets weird. I mean "Twin Peaks" weird. Not the first season, the Second. Now multiply the second season of "Twin Peaks" by like 10 and you'll be around the ballpark. Massive amounts of blood and full frontal nudity make this fairy tale one that's not for the kiddies.

Eye Candy: Kimberly gets completely nude

My Grade: C+

No, this isn't the porno-version of Bob Clark's legendary 70's slasher, but an extremely twisted and rather sick-spirited Belgian short movie that will cover ten of the craziest minutes in your entire life! Writer/director Pieter Van Hees surely has a demented world perspective, as he messes with pretty much all the sacred topics in life like religion, Christmas, marriage and children. The mini-plot is a mature & sadistic version of the Little Red Riding Hood fairy tale, only she's a teenage drug-whore, the wolf is a cannibalistic Nazi police-officer and the usually friendly hunter is an aggressive black burglar who disguises as Santa Claus! He violently slaps children in the face and sleeps with the housewives whilst, parallel with these events, officer Wolfgang rapes and devours Little Red Riding Hood. This short promisingly opens with the words: "There are no good and bad guys...There's just bad guys and guys that are even worse!". And at least in this script, the characters live up to this statement. The on-screen violence is extremely graphic, with torn open torsos, wild gunfire and one entirely sickening head explosion sequence. For the true trash-fanatics, we'll even throw in some full-frontal nudity and provocative sex images! With all the vile and demented black humor featuring in this little short, I was really proud to discover that it was made in Belgium (where yours truly is from as well). In case the brief plot description sounds a little too harsh for you, there's a truly ingenious little wraparound story explaining how all the events are merely just happening on God's video game. "Black XXX-Mas" is brilliant and available for free on the internet! It'll be ten minutes you won't regret spending in front of your computer.

but not much substance. The opening scene was comedic, reflecting the attitude of many that God is a casual and passive observer of all activities here on earth- open for much debate with the religious right. The rest of the movie, for me, offered little else worth mentioning.

This was possibly 15 of the most horrifying, satirical and sadistic minutes of my life. Nothing is held back in this film, even the coincidences which take over in the third act. This was quite a weird film to experience, especially after the father throws a beer can at his daughter and basically all ensuing action following that moment in the film. This is not a movie for those who have a light sense of humor.