L.A.P.D.: To Protect and to Serve

I couldn't believe that I was seeing Charles Durning, Marc Singer, Dennis Hopper and Mike Madsen in such an incredibly asinine movie. The only reason I watched it to the end was that I might see at least one or two good scenes that might redeem it. This didn't happen.

As a former Law Enforcement Officer, I was appalled to see the Los Angeles Police Department portrayed as a group of bumbling buffoons and gangsters. Equally bumbling was the direction of this movie. Example: Minor cast members awkwardly gawking about sets, obviously lacking experience as to how to fit in with a scene. Don't waste your time with this one. It isn't even fit for falling asleep on.

A disgrace trying to be a mirror of the L.A.P.D. A few aging stars coasting through a terrible script. Dirty cops wanting to turn against other dirty cops. Cops that don't want to be cops. Unrealistic, over-kill on the gun fire. Front line cast is made up of: Dennis Hopper, Michael Madsen, Marc Singer and Charles Durning. A glimmer of promise from Kiara Hunter, Carolyn Dunn and Brenda Campbell. This movie can serve as background noise while passing around the party dip and refilling the cold refreshments. I guess there is no law for bad acting. Even the simulated sex is terrible.

Rent this film...now! This is ineptness at its most sublime, a turd of a straight-to-video flick that is so bad you'll swear the filmmakers tried to make it as crappy as possible. The box cover shows Dennis Hopper (who is in the "film" for about 5 minutes...he must have needed some money...bad) and Michael Madsen (who wears a police shirt far too small for him...I guess they couldn't afford a plus-size cop shirt from the local surplus) and completely ignores the two lead actors. There's some plotline about corrupt cops and such but who cares? Just sit back and laugh at: The big old fat dude getting "hit" in the face with the stock of a shotgun (despite the fact that the gun is about ten feet away from the guy), the old homeless dude getting hit by a car while "sad" music plays on the soundtrack (isn't there a better way to kill someone?), Michael Madsen swinging his arms around rapidly whenever he talks (you know when someone tucks their arms behind their back and someone behind them does overdone hand motions trying to simulate the movements of their arms? That's what this looks like to the tenth degree) and finally (and this is the best part!) the police officer having the wildest orgasms ever (I swear this guy overdoes his orgasms more than any porn actress I've ever seen...I mean the way the guy's face contorts and distorts he looks like someone's knifing him in the back...and all this while his lover just sits there...seemingly bored).

Anycrap, if you love bad films see this one. It'll be some of the best fun you've ever had in your short life.

This has got to be the worst film I have ever seen. I would have thought with the likes of Dennis Hopper, Michael Madsen and Charles Derning that it would have had some hope. Nope, not here. This movie is so bad I don't know where to start. Six people in a closet shooting at each other and no one gets hit. Not even a hint at police procedures. Moronic writing at it's best. I don't think any of the police cars even had matching light bars. Using lights and sirens on a code 2 call. I am going to have to look to see who was technical adviser, as who ever it was they know nothing about the LAPD, or even Mayberry PD much less Barney. Just a complete waste of 98 minutes of my life I will never get back.

Please tell me what happened to the great actors Dennis Hopper and Michael Madsen? Were they short of money or what? What possessed them to be in such a crap movie? I have always been a fan of these actors, but they lowered their standards to "Z" grade acting in this piece of rubbish movie. The scenes were corny and had the hallmarks of a cheap porn movie, without the actual porn! The acting was woody and not convincing at all. They should not have associated themselves with the Los Angeles Police Department, as the movie is an insult to any law enforcement agency.It took me ages to appreciate these actors after that. Michael Madsen did a good job in Kill Bill 1 & 2, so thankfully he redeemed himself.