Mutants in Paradise

Even die-hard Edith Massey fans will have a hard time sitting through this clumsy snore-fest. While it is true that Edith's trademark delivery of even the simplest lines work in the John Waters movies that made her a cult star - this film's juvenile script and fifth grade dialog leave her with nowhere to go. Her brief screen time is wasted on a film that has all the charm of an extended stay waiting in lines at the department of Motor Vehicles office.

The story (if you can call it that) centers around a nerdy teenager named Steve Awesome (Brad Greenquist), who is selected by a lack-luster group of scientists to be transformed into a bionic man. For reasons we don't care, a group of Russians (played by a handful of drama school drop outs) take the chief scientist's (Edith Massey) daughter captive. Most of the intervening time is spent watching the not-so-bionic man stumble from one boring location to another in poorly edited (and preformed) slapstick. There is a disjointed subplot concerning a fairy godmother, which has nothing to do with the rest of what is going on, super imposed into the film. It does however give the writer an excuse to bring the film to a merciful end. By the time the credits roll, they read like a written confession.

It is easy to see that the writer/director (Scott Apostolou) is a John Waters fan. However, at the time that this was made, he neither had the: life experience, sense of humor, or talent to pull off whatever he was going for. In the end you have a film lacking any of the humor, campy-ness, irony, or shock value that inspired it. This film makes attack of the killer tomatoes look like Citizen Kane (and I don't mean that in a good way).

Do yourself a favor; if you need a fix of Edith Massey re-watch her in one of John Water's films, watch her screen test audition in the special features of the DVD release of `Lust In The Dust', or even catch her in Robert Maier's 14-minute documentary `A Love Letter To Eddie'. You'll get more Massey-bang for your buck.

My review was written in November 1989 after watching the movie on TWE video cassette.

"Mutants in Paradise" is a cute sci-fi spoof, made on a student film level (at University of Virginia), but with enough gags to keep home video fans amused. Plans for midnight movie bookings for the pic (shot about five years ago) fell through.

Brad Greenquist, who later did a good job in "The Bedroom Window" toplines as a nerd who plays guinea pig in venal scientist Robert Ingham's genetic experiments, trying to come up with a nuclear-proof man to survive impending war. It all turns out to be a ruse to get grant money, but along the way Greenquist has funny misadventures caused by several bumbling Soviet spies and attempted romances with lovely Anna Nicholas.

The late Edith Massey (a regular in John Waters' films), plays the heroine's mom, supposedly a genetic scientist. Boxing champ Ray (Boom Boom) Mancini makes what would have been his screen debut (if film had been released in a timely way) as the hero's trainer.

Writer-director Scott Apostolou shows some promise as a satirist, though too many sketches are thrown in that don't belong.

Cast performs well in this 16mm effort shot in Charlottesville.

Don't underestimate the value of ultra-low-budget, homegrown cinema. I've watched amateur horror that far outpaced major studio offerings; for all the bare-faced artifice of John Waters' early X-rated films, the likes of 'Pink flamingos' and 'Desperate living' remain more original and entertaining all these years later than some new releases are upon premiere. In keeping with the spirit of such fare, it sure seems to me as if filmmaker Scott Apostolou was working with resources even astonishingly thinner than these points of comparison when he made 'Mutants in paradise. Production values are all but nonexistent as the sound and image quality leave much to be desired, and things like "filming locations," "sets," "costume design," or "props" seem to be what the man was able to coordinate on weekends through the generosity of friends and acquaintances. If anyone involved represents a recognizable name or face, like Edith Massey, that says more about an individual viewer's watching habits than it does about the fame of the participants. And this is to say nothing of amateur acting ("non-derogatory," as the youths say), and first-time direction that unmistakably demonstrates Apostolou's lack of developed skill.

Despite all this, however, I can see the earnest hard work, care, and intelligence that went into the production. It's achingly low-grade, and those who contributed in every regard possessed limited capabilities, but the endeavor is honest, and it's not sloppy. The picture may lack the necessary vitality that would have allowed the humor to fully flourish, but there was real wit poured into these seventy-seven minutes. A smidgen of surrealist ideation, loose bounds of reality, and a lot of cartoonish absurdism are smashed together with deliberately plain, ham-handed contrivance - the outward exposure of the falsehood - that irregularly goes so far as to break the fourth wall. Further factor in farcical, exaggerated characterizations and scene writing, and some clever dialogue and gags, and between the energy that the cast bring with them and the pointedly dry tone that follows as much from Apostolou's inexperience as from his intention, this is actually a fair bit of fun as the minutes tick by. Only occasionally does the feature truly earn laughs, but I have to appreciate something that begins with a reasonable premise fit for sci-fi spy movies, then just kind of leaves the premise by the wayside; the plot develops somewhat indifferently as the nonsense swiftly takes center stage.

Granted, Apostolou was so focused on that nonsense that the writing sometimes becomes altogether scattershot; at some points this flick is barely holding itself together, almost feeling more like sketch comedy. 'Mutants in paradise' may be a flippant romp, but it still would have benefited from a through-line more hardy and concrete than "here's a main character" to keep the proceedings grounded and centered. The limitations of the participants and of the production are all too evident, putting considerable caps on just how enjoyable the end result could be. Yet this really is quite bright every now and again; some tidbits are kind of brilliant. Would that the title were more consistent, certainly, but all told it'8s not bad, and there are far, far worse ways to spend your time. Only those who are receptive to the most unabashedly low-budget and humble of films could possibly like this in the first place, and even then it will meet with mixed reception and isn't something one needs to go out of their way to see. Nevertheless, I had a good time here, and seeing as how that was all that 'Mutants in paradise' was meant for, in my opinion it's enough to earn a casual recommendation if you happen to come across it.