Terrorgram

James Earl Jones's rambling narration for the beginning of obscure '80s anthology Terrorgram is so meaningless that one can only hope that it was intended as a parody of Rod Serling's introductions for The Twilight Zone.

Jones is only slightly less incomprehensible as he introduces three tales of the macabre, linked by the device of a supernatural delivery man, starting with

Heroine Overdose, which stars Jerry Anderson as Alan Smythee, a director of sexist B-movies who, after receiving a package from the delivery man, finds himself trapped in a nightmare based on his films where he is the 'bimbo'. This story starts off fine form, with a mohawked maniac in a gimp suit terrorising a topless tart with a massive power-drill (to prove how insane he is, the cackling leather-clad loony pushes the drill bit through his own hand! Cool beans!). Unfortunately, this scene turns out to be a 'movie within the movie', one of Smythee's proud productions, and much of what follows is utter tosh, with the misandristic female characters that hound poor Alan being irritating in the extreme. Thankfully, the story concludes with the reappearance of the gimp-killer, who cuts off his own fingers with an electric carving knife.

Tale number two, Pandora, is more enjoyable, although it is rather derivative of the classic Twilight Zone episode, The Hitch-Hiker. In this story, news anchor woman Angela Pandorus (Linda Carol Toner) is involved in a hit and run, her victim a young boy. To her horror, she is delivered the toy he was holding when hit, a Jack-in-a-box, after which she suffers nightmarish visions of her victim's horribly mutilated body. Toner obliges with some welcome gratuitous nudity while an EC-style payoff rounds off matters satisfyingly.

The final tale, Veteran's Day, also seems inspired by a Twilight Zone story-'Time Out' from the 1982 TZ movie (which itself was based on an episode of the TV series). J.T. Wallace plays asshole Eric Keller, who, in 1968, was responsible for getting draft dodger Novotny (Michael Hartson) sent to fight in Vietnam, where he consequently died. Twenty years later, Novotny's journal is delivered to Keller's home, followed by the appearance of the dead soldier himself, who subjects Keller to the horrors of war. This story benefits from some neat makeup FX, with the decomposing Novotny and a slit throat effect being very impressive for such a low budget film.

As with most anthologies, the overall movie is a mixed bag: the first story is a dud, and the lack of originality in the other two does detract slightly from one's enjoyment, but there is still enough to make it worthwhile for fans of the portmanteau format.

5.5 out of 10, rounded up to 6 for IMDb.

Cast your mind back, friends, to the eighties: that glorious decade of shlock horror, wedged somewhere between the slasher trend of the seventies and the revitalization of the slasher trend in the nineties. Arriving at the end of that memorable movie decade is this funny, disturbing and at times very prescient horror anthology.

Falling very much into the category of better-than-you'd-expect, the film is broken down into three tales, interlinked by a mysterious delivery man bearing the titular mail item.

Heroine Overdose tells the story of a film director who gets his comeuppance through a drugs trip where he experiences a world in which women are victorious.

Pandora features Angela Pandorus encountered a music box (geddit?) whose ambitions are overthrown by her conscience.

These first two stories build to the final and arguably best tale, Veteran's Day, about a man whose past confronts him in the form of a Vietnam veteran. A funny yet chilling tale.

Great fun to be had with a game cast and interesting plotlines, and hey: who can argue with a film featuring James Earl Jones as the Voice of Retribution?

Check it out.

The Voice of the Retribution (James Earl Jones - his voice only, maybe the most beautiful one in the cinema industry) is the host in this VHS, presenting three different horror tales in the same way as, for example, the Crypt Keeper does in 'Tales From the Crypt'. The difference is that each character receives a delivery from hell and has to sign his name after the X in the receipt, starting his journey to hell.

First Tale: 'Heroine Overdose':

Alan Smythee (Jerry Anderson) is a very sexist and also addicted in heroine director of porn and sex-exploitation movies, showing no respect for women. While having a shot of heroine, he has a bad trip in a world based on his screenplays, but where the women prevail, exploring the men. This tale makes a joke with its title ('Heroine Overdose') in a double sense, since the character has a double 'overdose' of heroines (the drug and the female characters). The idea is good, but the cast is horrible and the story does not work well. My vote is four.

Second Tale: 'Pandora'

While driving in high speed, the anchor Angela Pandorus (Linda Carol Toner) hits a boy, who was crossing the street with a music box. She does not help him, afraid of losing her job, where she has just been promoted. She has troubles with her conscience, being haunted by the dead kid. This story is very tense and has a great atmosphere and special effects. However, the resolution of the plot in the last scene is not good. I felt sorrow, since this tale really hooked my attention. My vote is six.

Third Tale: 'Veteran's Day'

Eric Keller (J. T. Wallace) is a crap since he was a young man. Lawrence Novotny (Michael Hantson), his mate from the university, was sent to Vietnam and further declared missing in action denounced by him. His wife has just left him, since he beat her and their children. Novotny appears to him and takes Eric to Vietnam to experiment the same pain and tortures he had passed through. This tale is the best one. In some parts, it recalls 'House', but it is a good story. My vote is seven.

My vote in IMDb for this movie is six.

Title (Brazil): "Terrorgram - O Telegrama da Morte" ("Terrorgram - The Telegram of the Death")

Note: On 19 June 2022, I saw this film again.

"Terrorgram" is a pretty good low-budget horror movie.It has a nice amount of suspense,a bit of disgusting gore and some surprises.The acting isn't as bad as I expected-my favourite story is the first one called "Heroin Overdose".It's very funny,quite offensive(check out fingers cutting scene!)and politically incorrect!All in all I enjoyed this film,so check it out,if you can find it!

Terrorgram is a trilogy of supernatural tales of retribution. Though it is obvious they had no money to do the film I found it interesting and actually enjoyed it. I bought it at a garage sale for $2 bucks as fulfillment for a scavenger hunt, you needed a movie know one had seen, (and no I didn't win someone had seen it!)

James Earl Jones is the off screen "Voice of Retribution" and he intros the three tales which each have the same Special Deliveryman delivering a package to each of the three main characters, when they open their "Special Delivery" they are inadvertently taking responsibility for their past transaction and must now pay for their sins.

The first tale "Heroine Overdose" is about a chauvinist b-movie director Alan Smythee (which is the pseudonym for directors who want their name removed from a project because it stinks so bad) who is delivered his own crappy sexploitation scripts and finds he has to replay his most notorious scenes except this time around he is the bimbo. The title is a clever play on the word Heroin as in the drug and Heroine as in a female.

The second tale is "Pandora" and it is an updated version of the Greek classic. Here, Angela Pandoras, a local news anchor looking to make network, runs down a small child on her way to the studio. She flees the scene fearing her career will be ruined if she is placed at the scene of the crime. That night the Deliveryman delivers a child's toy; a jack-in-the-box which the now dead boy had been carrying. The toy/her guilt terrorizes her and leaps from the toy and consumes her.

The last story, "Veteran's Day" is my favorite and the most compelling. The story opens with Keller crawling out of his bed still in his street clothes to find that his wife and family have left him. Keller is delivered a hand-written journal from Lawrence Novotny. We discover that they were classmates together in college in 1968 at the height of th Viet Nam War. Novotny dropped out of school and Keller turned him in to the draft board. Now years later, his remains come back and escort Keller back in time to Nam in '68 where he must relive the fate he assigned Novotny to. A harrowing story and one that will move anyone who, like myself, lost a loved one during the war. This story has particularly strong acting from the two leads; Mike Hartson and J.T. Wallace.

As I stated, it is obvious they had little resources to shoot this film with but I must admit I liked it better than most video I rent that I've never heard of. I think the concept would make for an excellent TV series. Tune in this week and see what scumbag gets his just desserts - a thought anyhow!