Campfire Stories

Everyones giving this movie bad reviews. I for one thought it was allright. I mean its not going to win an oscar, but its not the worst thing Ive ever seen. The girls in it were hot, the acting was decent, and it was a little bit scary. I think this movie and all others should quit being disected and just enjoyed.

A much better title for this low-rent Creepshow wannabe would have been Bedtime Stories because it's far more likely to send the viewer off to sleep than to scare them. With three incredibly mundane tales, directed with little flair or skill by Bob Cea, Andrzej Krakowski, and Jeff Mazzola (yes, it really took three people to direct this mess), the film belongs to the lowest echelon of horror anthologies, on a par with garbage like Creepshow III.

The wraparound narrative sees a pair of guys, on the lookout for a party in the middle of nowhere, blowing a tyre after almost running down hot babe in distress Natalie (Jamie-Lynn Sigler), who has also been experiencing car trouble. Wandering into the woods in search of help, the trio meet a creepy park ranger (David Johansen), who claims to have arranged a tow truck for the trio; while they wait for it to arrive, the ranger tells some (supposedly) scary stories around his campfire...

Story one has some jocks tormenting their school janitor, unaware that he is actually an escapee from the state facility for the criminally insane; story two features a gang of thugs who kill an native American Indian, smoke his hallucinogenic weed, experience some truly dreadful CGI creatures, and finally get their comeuppance when the Indian returns to suck out their youth; in story three, two girls plan a special evening of sexy fun and games to payback their boyfriends for their bad behaviour, but things go awry when a killer interrupts their party.

Having already suffered three of the park ranger's mind-numbingly feeble tales of terror, the teens decide to make a run for it, lest there be a fourth; they make it to a strange night-club (where horror punk band The Misfits just happened to be playing a gig), but realise too late that they've made a big mistake.... as I did when I bought this dreck.

Campfire Stories is what's usually called an "Anthology" or "Portmanteaux" movie - in other words, a movie that tells a number of stories. Amicus made a number of very successful movies in this vein in the 60's and 70's, adapting EC Comic's most famous titles, including The Vault of Horror and Tales from the Crypt, to produce some classics of the "twist ending" genre and it's this style Campfire Stories emulates, even going so far as being based upon a horror comicbook (which I'd personally never heard of...)

The strength of the Anthology movie is that - because the writer has such a short time to develop his story - the plots are usually much tighter and concentrated than in a regular movie, with the focus being more on delivering the macabre or ironic twist.

Unfortunately, nobody told this to the writers of Campfire Stories. The three tales on offer are predictable, limp and - at times - lacking in logic. Supposedly they're tales of ghostly/otherworldly revenge, but in reality, the movie's central message seems to be "Teenagers are bad and deserve to die for being teenagers," a motif that runs through the entire movie.

Even the most ardent collector of Anthology-style movies should avoid giving this movie space in his collection.

If you want to see how it should be done, watch the Amicus classics Asylum, From Beyond the Grave, Tales from the Crypt, The Vault of Horror, The House That Dripped Blood and Dr. Terror's House of Horror.

My story: I was in the video store, trying desperately to find something to rent, so I could just get home and end what was probably a miserable day. (It's been a long week. Don't ask.) As I've found myself so many times before, I was standing in front of the "horror" section. I thought it might be fun to rent a bad scary movie to laugh at.

Now see, the trick to renting a "good" bad scary movie is in finding one that's just good enough to almost justify watching. There is nothing better than finding a horror movie that walks that thin line between being at least redeemingly scary and laughably stupid. I repeat: nothing better. Not fresh baked brownies. Not sex. Not puppy breath. Nothing.

Problem with this film is my review thus far is just as frightening as the entire movie. It wasn't even good enough for me to waste my time laughing at. I saw better acting at my brother's second grade Christmas pageant. The special effects were comparable to sock puppets. And there were plot holes big enough to throw Ranger Bill's big stupid hat through. It's like the writers thought up the twists at the end and convinced themselves they didn't need to go along with the actual stories themselves. It's the film equivalent of someone tearing out the last few pages of The Grapes of Wrath and writing in "Rosasharn kills them all" in crayon on the back cover. I fell asleep for the beginning of the third story and didn't even bother rewinding it, because by that time I'd learned that seeing the whole thing still wouldn't make it make any more sense.

If you're looking for a glorious trainwreck of a movie . . . this one is not for you. However, if you're looking for a movie that drags itself along like a half-dead chipmunk, searching hopelessly for even a modicum of redemption before finally fading into a painful death that couldn't have come soon enough, maybe you should check it out.

If not, give it to someone you hate to kill them a little inside.

then this one is definitely for you. Just don't expect to be frightened or wake up screaming in the middle of the night. And don't expect anything extraordinary. This film wasn't meant to be any of those things. It sticks to the classic "B" horror movie genre with it's cheesy classic monster movie special effects and over acting to make it seem scary. It plays more like an hour and a half long episode of Tales From the Crypt. But is amusing in its own fashion. I thoroughly enjoyed sitting back, relaxing, and just letting this movie be exactly what it is: a corny "B" style horror movie made because they had the budget to make it. And as long as you enjoy movies like Killer Klowns from Outer Space, you can probably appreciate this movie as well. But if you are expecting an edge of your seat thriller, that makes you think, sends chills up your spine, and is guaranteed to give you nightmares, then look elsewhere.