Voodoo Academy

Well what do you want, if you see the Full Moon on the back of the box, you know its late night cheese! All the films produced by Band under the EMPIRE label were great, Re-Animator, From Beyond, Troll, even Zone Troopers was fun. However when Empire Films folded, so did the quality of their films. So Full Moon is born, and they had themselves a pretty good little gravy train with Paramount distributing their flicks, but even they got tired of the same old vampire and Puppet Master junk, and subsequently pulled out. The pictures where pretty bad with big studio money, and without it they got worse.

Case in point with Voodoo Academy. Like most other DeCoteau films, there are allot of pretty young men running around in their boxer briefs, and a whole lotta fake lightening. Throw in an uninspired story, about 6 million candles, and actors who look like their bored and you have what I consider one of the worst Full Moon pictures to date.

I'm not going to beat this dead horse anymore by talking about everything that's wrong with this story, so I will talk about the only thing I consider good about this film, and that's the DVD Directors cut version. Now your probably wondering, if its so bad why would I want to see the director's cut? Two reasons; one, I wanted to see the footage that was so offensive that even Charles Band wanted it cut from the original release. It turned out to be 20 minutes of harmless male erotica (85 % of horror film rentals are by girls anyway) ho hum big freakin deal. The other reason I wanted this DVD is for the audio commentary.

DeCoteau talks at length about the process of "by the numbers low budget cookie cutter filmmaking". This is invaluable for film students like myself. Sometimes you learn how to do things right when you see how they are done wrong. All criticisms aside, Band has a very well tuned filmmaking machine (features shot in 4 days, that 24 pages a day!), and the special features of this DVD gives rare insight into Full Moon, the makers of films so bad they're, well bad.

As a director, David DeCoteau has an extensive resume ranging from laughably cheap horror films ("Creepozoids"), late-night Cinemax adult "entertainment" ("Beach Babes From Beyond"), gay-film-fest favorites ("Leather Jacket Love Story"), and lame horror films ("Curse Of The Puppet Master"). That he uses about five aliases while directing should be a sign, but there is something indescribably alluring about watching a movie that is, simply, 100% pure trash. DeCoteau does not disappoint in this respect with the supernatural film "Voodoo Academy."

The plot centers around Carmichael Bible College, which apparently only enrolls six students each term. The college is run by the odd Mrs. Bouvier (Debra Mayer) and classes are taught by Hollis CarMichael (Chad Burris), an ex-Catholic priest who espouses a religion resembling a bizarre and clunky hybrid of Christianity and Scientology (check out the electro-charged confessional). However, as we learn before the opening credits even roll, Bouvier is in reality a wicked voodoo priestess and Hollis her nefarious assistant. When one of their rituals results in the death of a student, the duo recruit wholesome, clean-cut Christopher (Riley Smith) to fill his place. From the beginning, Christopher suspects something is amiss, and he soon begins to find out that dark and sinister forces are at work.

The film itself is an unabashed ode to trashy, campy dialogue as well as young men in designer underwear. Indeed, most of the film consists of scenes where at least one of the students is topless, working out, bathing, or simply skulking through the shadows in Ralph Lauren boxer briefs. That these students look quite good without their clothes on is an added bonus and is in fact the main reason anybody should even begin to rent or buy this film. Even Hollis -- a priest! -- has a topless scene. The plot, as little as there is, is telegraphed in the opening sequence, the actors by and large are wooden, and the special effects are imminently laughable. Never mind the lack of dramatic tension, the often grainy and washed out look of the film, and the absurdity of the premise, which features several scenes that exist only to present footage of the students touching themselves.

Still, this film has much to offer. As mentioned before, the film is pure trash in the best sense of the word. Few movies offer this degree of ridiculousness and remain watchable. The boys are all quite attractive and fit, and it's nice to see male flesh on display in horror films for once. And as horrible as the acting and dialogue can be, it's still better than sitting through another showing of "Star Wars Episode II." It's also nice to realize that filming this picture prepared Drew Fuller (who plays Paul St. Clair) for his role on the equally trashy but beyond redemption TV series "Charmed."

A note to viewers: This film should only be watched in its unedited form (the DVD is labeled "Lunar Edition" and "Director's Cut"). There is a massive amount of homoeroticism in this film, and the edited version removes most of it. And if you cut out the shirtless young men, you lose most of the reason the watch this film.

5 out of 10.

Cheap and mind-blisteringly dull story and acting. Not a single good line, not even a line bad enough to be good, and no memorable delivery. Even the blooper reel included with the DVD showed how inept the actors were and how little fun any of them were having. The esoteric and occult basis was apathetically inauthentic, and the antagonists failed to be creepy or believable. The 'homoerotic' overtones were pointlessly tame and dissatisfying, and were limited to young boys caressing their chests while flaccid in their boxers. I'm not gay enough to appreciate it, but a little action might have at least kept me and my girlfriend awake.

A high-concept, homoerotic, genre film that - for all its bare chest rubbing, hair gel and glossed-lipped poutiness - falls flat on its face. Even worse acting only tops a lousy script.

That said, if you're into barely 20-something boys in spanking white boxer shorts and white socks touching themselves incessantly all over while having a mutual wet dream, well this one's for you! Frankly, I find doing my grocery list more exciting. Surprisingly enough, the production quality is halfway decent, though.

Those of us, who like high-concept horror, will hate this one. There's barely an attempt at plausibility, and the level of horror tends to bend more towards cute than scary. Those of you who like homoerotic, this is about as erotic as a PBS film. Is it soooo bad that it's good? No. It's just silly and boring.

You can't hold too much against this knowing that it was made in four days, and I had expected it to be campy anyway. (It's not all that campy in reality. With the exception of Kevin Kalisher and Huntley Ritter, who don't take themselves seriously, the rest of the cast plays it halfway straight; Riley Smith is exceptionally bad.) The ridiculous story is actually paid attention to, which kind of shocked me; I assumed the whole purpose with these ultra-low-budget horror movies was to cater to the basest sexual fantasies and not give a damn about the story, but they use lots of words like "technological" and "physicality" in the script to get their point across. (Although it's possible that the story is important only to explain why there's so few cast members.) Nobody cares about this stupid storyline, and the only things that are interesting in the film are the mocking of cults and the soft-core homoeroticisms (which aren't all that edgy). I would have enjoyed it more if there were just some random killings for no reason. The film is grainy, with a TV-quality look and acting level. There are a few "sexy" scenes that are alright -- the boys writhing in bed in their boxers, feeling themselves up; or being tied down and making orgasmic faces while wine is poured on them -- and some of them are kinda funny. And I liked the digs at L. Ron Hubbard and the intended irony of a story about religious cultists told with intense gay overtones, but it still isn't any good. 3/10