How to Get... Revenge

Linda Blair agreed to some very questionable projects in the 1980s, but this is by far the most bizarre one. It's a supposedly educational video on how to get revenge, but it's not exactly the whimsical kind of revenge. Community theatre actors pretending to be cops or investigators explain to you in great detail how you can ruin someone financially, sabotage someone's car or frame someone for a crime. Suggestions include mailing human excrement to the victim (wouldn't the mailman notice?), breaking into their homes and calling immigration services when the victim is foreign. I'm fairly certain it's played for laughs, but apart from the subject matter there's absolutely nothing that directs you that way. The 'experts' play it completely straight, the information provided seems waaaaaaay too helpful, and there are no jokes or funny situations. But still, it's so darkly entertaining. The video is credited to Bob Logan, who would go on to direct "Repossessed" (also starring Blair) and "Meatballs 4". It's surprising to see he can actually do subtle humor, or any humor for that matter. "How To Get Revenge" is strangely disturbing and unpleasant, but somehow also highly rewatchable.

I'll give this one a thumbs-up for the weirdness factor, but it didn't really do much for me otherwise. Perhaps, if viewed around the time of its release, it might have been a seen as somewhat edgy, depending on the viewer, but by 1989 I had already done a bunch of the stuff suggested in this movie, so my guess is I still would have been bored by the thing even then. So, with that said, let me suggest that you DON'T do any of the things they describe in this film, as they are almost all completely illegal and were still mostly illegal in 1989. You can't use the US Mail to harass people--it's a federal offense. Harassment by phone is and was also illegal (we learned that one the hard way!), and pretty much any attempt to wreck someone's life involving the legal system or financially using fraud or deception is a crime and, when you're done getting busted for that, you'll get the pants sued off of you on top of it. And so on.

As previously stated by other reviewers, the delivery of the actors (and they are actors) is deadpan serious, but it isn't outrageous enough to be funny and is just mean-spirited at best and downright juvenile and stupid at worst. Given the banality of most of the tactics described, my guess is this whole mess was something fast and easy to throw together to make a quick buck. If not that, then why? Linda lights up everything she touches, but even she couldn't do much for this wreck.

This would never fly today. This is an instructional video for getting revenge on your enemies hosted by Linda Blair. She is not onscreen with the other actors. She's seated behind a desk the whole time like a news anchor and occasionally she pretends to interact with prerecorded segments. What's fascinating about this video is while Blair is playing the thing almost like it's a parody, everyone else is playing it straight.

The advice given is legitimate and in many cases would result in the arrest of the person doing it. That's why I said it would never fly in today's society where everyone files lawsuits, to say nothing of our increasingly stifling government and the Karens on social media. If this video was meant to be funny, it's not so much. I was laughing but more in the "holy cow I can't believe they're telling people to do this" way.

Worth a look for the curiosity factor and to learn some new tricks. But just keep in mind a lot of the stuff shown here is obsolete today but some of it will still work if you put in extra effort. Mostly gone are the days of anonymous phone calls from pay phones or doing things in public places that have no cameras. For those thinking about doing any of these tricks, I will be the fuddy duddy and remind you the majority of actions discussed in this video are crimes. This is even more true today than it was back then, particularly with stuff like postal regulations. Revenge sounds satisfying in the moment but trust me it's not. Unless you are an oblivious moron you'll be looking over your shoulder waiting on The Man to ambush you while getting groceries or picking up your kids from school. Your cheating ex or annoying neighbor aren't worth it.