Son of the Beach

Only cable TV could get away with this mayhem. Maybe someday the big old dinosaur networks might get close -- but not in the near future. For now, networks serve up assembly line Punch & Judy shows.

Every tired cliche of beach movies, police shows, crime dramas, soap operas, and sitcoms is crammed into this BAYWATCH satire. The puns roll in like breakers on the beach. Faces get mugged along with characters.

I love a delicious satire -- and that's what SON OF THE BEACH delivers. What other show dares give us memorable characters named Jamaica St. Croix, Kimberlee Clark, and B.J. Cummings -- plus studly neo-aryan Chip Rommel? And Notch Johnson is a cross between Frank Drebin and Bugs Bunny.

I commend the people who created this show. I wish all TV comedies were this sharp, crazy, and witty.

This is one of the funniest shows on tv today. There have actually been few shows as funny in a long time. Most of the time, the stories are really cheesy, but that's purposeful, so you really can't complain about that. Stack is a comic genius if you ask me, and I have thought so ever since Nightstand. He shines throughout the series, and the others do as well. The show is PACKED full of laughs, it's the kind of series that has a joke in every line, and it works perfectly here. Great actors who are genuinely funny, and a comedic undertone that is just plain outstanding, this show is a 10.

Son of the Beach follows the misadventures of the world's greatest lifeguard Notch Johnson and his unit, Shore Patrol Force 30. Notch's unit is made up of Arkansas beauty BJ Cummings; Kimberlee Clark, the "smart, flat-chested one"; lifeguard from the 'hood, Jamaica St. Croix; and Chip Rommel, descendant of the German general Erwin Rommel. After the first three seasons, Porcelein Bidet joined the team. With his SPF 30 team, Notch set out to do things every lifeguard has to do, like stop illegal importers, drug dealers, mad scientists, almost graduate from Southern University College at Malibu Adjacent (SUCMA), and found a school for Retards and Orphans.

Just from this description, how can you not want to watch this show? With show titles like "BJ Blue Hawaii" and "Witness for the Prostitution," every show is full of innuendoes and double entendres. Many people may be put off by the fact that Howard Stern produced this show, but that is a lame reason to not watch. If you don't watch this show, it should be for two reasons: 1)You don't get cable or 2)you don't like insanely funny shows. Seriously, how can you not laugh when Notch is talking about his Hawaiian friend King Kumonnha and his nut farm? Plus, just about every episode has a scene where Leila Arcieri and Jaime Bergman get to show off their, uh, attributes more artistically than normal. How can you not like that?

In summation, there's comedy, high comedy, and then there's Son of the Beach.

I just bought Volume 1 of the "Son of the Beach" DVDs, which contains the first 21 episodes, and I was quite impressed. I pretty much got what I expected: gorgeous women gratuitously roaming around in skimpy bathing suits and a nonstop barrage of cheap sex jokes. But since the show doesn't aspire to be any more than what it is, it works. I can't doubt that the double entendres get repetitive at times, but most of the time I can't help but laugh. Both Jaime Bergman and Leila Arcieri are extremely hot. Timothy Stack, who I've been a fan of since his talk show parody "Night Shift," is great at playing a dim-witted takeoff on David Hasselhoff's character in "Baywatch." His name is Notch, which is somewhat similar to Hasselhoff's character "Mitch." And since his last name's Johnson, that purposely opens up many opportunities for cheap sex jokes. I don't usually like dumb blonde characters, since they're way overused in movies and TV shows, but most of Bergman's airhead one-liners are quite funny. There are gratuitous montages which feature the beautiful female characters strutting their stuff wearing next to nothing, but in a show like this it's pretty much appropriate. Plus, it also works as a sendup of "Baywatch," a show that uses those montages very often, but still tries to pass itself off is tasteful. "Son of the Beach" is in the poorest of taste, and isn't afraid to show it. But if you buy the DVD set, don't watch all the shows consecutively, because like video games this stuff could rot your brain.

My score: 7 (out of 10)

Excellent. Reminds me of Sledgehammer of the 80s, early Married With Children or perhaps Red Dwarf... contrived, crude, crass, self indulgent and unrepentant. It's perhaps easy to dismiss, but watch a couple epis and you'll be hooked. Notch Johnson (Timothy Stack), and good writing help this stand out. There's a good amount (if stereotypical) character development with each episode following a predictable, but enjoyable path. The character's names crack me up... Mayor Anita Massingil, rofl. The Steven Hawking character was a bit too much. Perhaps they're finding it tough to one-up South Park. It's a shame it was cancelled. TV needs more of independent voices and less of the contrived, mass market, lowest common denominator Raymond and Survivor tripe. Find it and watch, if you can.