Frost: Portrait of a Vampire

The movie's abysmal idiocy is not as terrifying as the fact that some of those who comment on it here on IMDb actually like it (like mortalli and coyote13). It's not just bad or disappointing. Someone should be made to PAY for releasing this onto the market. I actually went by Blockbuster's and complained, demanding my money back and for them to take the movie off the shelf. I LOVE the vampire concept, and stalk video stores for anything of the sort, knowing that I will be able to filter any bad things about such a movie out, and enjoy the good parts that I so love. Well, not this time. Absolute torture. Avoid at all costs. Seriously. It's not even funny.

I think there`s a straight to video film called OCTOPUS which spends the first half of its running time being an action packed thriller ( Or meekly tries to ) then all of a sudden turns into a horror movie about a giant octopus . Well it`s the same with PORTRAIT OF A VAMPIRE which opens with a very brief scene with a Jerry Springer lookalike examining a body drained of blood then the film flashes back to Afghanistan in August 1989 ( Hadn`t the red army pulled out of there before then ? )which resembles the Nex Mexico desert . Not very convincing but it gets worse as we`re treated to a battle scene featuring CGI helicopters . How do I know they`re CGI ? Well it`s so obvious it`s impossible not to notice . It`s also impossible not to notice the pathetic standard of acting either and it`s at this point the script decides to meet the production`s dismal standards as it bores us ( No spoilers because you can see it coming a mile away ) with double and triple crosses in Mexico a year later . It`s at this point you find yourself asking what have I got to do to get an equity card ? , or how come film companies turn my scripts down when they finance crap like this ? and most importantly if this movie is called PORTRAIT OF A VAMPIRE then shouldn`t it be a horror film and not a crap action thriller similar to something Cannon used to produce in the mid 1980s ? It does turn into a horror movie about halfway through but the horror aspects are as badly done as the action adventure bits . I was going to feel sorry for Gary Busey appearing in this but it`s not like someone stuck a gun to head and made him do it . If you decide to appear in a film like this it`s your own fault and you deserve no sympathy

So just to sum up if you enjoy horror films you won`t want to see this because it`s not a horror film , it`s a horrible film . And if you enjoy action films you won`t want to see it either due to the laughable production values

This movie was absolute crap. Nothing in it makes sense. It's funny because there's just no point. Read the tagline! What the hell does that even mean? Were they trying to make a horrible film?

The lead actor, whose name is Jack Frost in the movie, looks like a cross between George Michael and Kevin Smith. It's all downhill form there. They try to incorporate some sort of ridiculous war story into the plot, and it doesn't work at all. All of the actors just look goofy and the writing just makes no sense at all. They do throw in some nudity for good measure though, and to keep people from turning the movie off. I imagine they were trying to make Frost into some sort of cult hero like Ash or something, but, no, not even close. He walks around with his stupid sunglasses killing people. It's all really, really lame. So, yeah, they got all that. Then they got some top of the line computer effects. The helicopters in the movie will blow you away, I totally couldn't tell they were fake, same goes for the bats. I couldn't believe that the director, or whoever the hell it was did a special feature w/ commentary for the special effects. They're laughable at best. The whole movie is laughable actually. Gary Busey's total screen time is about 2 minutes. 2 non-consecutive minutes.

If you're looking for a laugh, definitely check this out. The complete non-sensical-ness(word?) all will have you cracking up.

This movie was BEAUTIFULLY done in the genre of "Movies no one will ever want to watch." Gary Busey is the only redeeming factor, and not even because of his acting, but because he's Gary Busey. If this movie was never made, I probably would have done something better with the time that was wasted from my life watching this flick. The question every single one of you will have with this movie is...WHY THE GLASSES? The guy NEVER takes off his glasses, except to sleep. Ridiculous.

Overall, I'm willing to give this a star. Only one though. Out of 10. What's that? You want more? You can't have more. Not yours.

One (1) star out of Ten (10)

Im one of those suckers that Always needs to see a new Vamp movie, just cant help myself i guess, but seeing this film made my past "all time worst" look like a dream (witch was Cross Roads by the way). The actors cant act, the story dont hold up, and the producer may just need a new job. It's all about making a 80'ish action hero look cool, walking around with a beard and sunglasses that any sign person vold rather die than wear, (i know it's suppose to be in the 80's but this is just a joke) and if this was'nt enuf, the "hero" has even less emotional expressions than Steven Seagal. To top it of the special effects are like what an 8 year old could do.