Slash Dance

Do yourself a favor, don't rent this waste of plastic. Use the 50 cents to buy a Vanilla Coke and you will have a much better day.

This is not a slasher film. It is more like an after-school special with some bad words thrown in to get an R rating. The sound track (two songs repeated over and over countless times) has that homemade "Casio" sound. The supposed dance routines are not quite as professional looking as 6th grade cheerleading practice. The lousy attempts at humor are not nearly as funny as the fact that the writer/director actually put his name at the end of the film. Some people have no shame.

What a pathetically bad movie. As a slasher movie, the tension and excitement are non-existent. If you're looking for gore, blood and guts,this isn't for you either. If you blink a few times while watching the movie, you might miss what little there is. The acting is soooo bad. It's hard to tell if they are trying to be that bad to be funny or are they really that bad. The characters are pitiful. There seems to have been very little thought put into this film. They did try to interject some humor into the film, which just made it worse. So let's see, it isn't scary, exciting, or humorous and the acting is terrible. But at least you have the dancing. No, you don't have that either. What you have is several girls trying to act like they are professional dancers all the while saying one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight as they do their so-called dance moves. The dancing is a joke, they are terrible. There is nothing in this movie worth watching. It's dull, boring, and poorly acted. Don't say I didn't warn you.

This slasher-with-not-much-slashing is NOT the Lucio Fulci flick (aka Murderrock). With a title like Slash Dance, I was expecting this to be a hoot. This is apparently a little-seen movie and it should stay that way. Young women start disappearing when showing up at a shoddy Hollywood theatre to audition for...um...a chorus line or something. A detective goes undercover and...um...joins it. The story doesn't make sense, the acting is painful, and the dancing is even worse. The 80s fashion and music is the kind that everyone tries to forget. There are several failed attempts at humor that don't work because of stoneface delivery. The most bizarre part of this movie is that some of the castmembers (including the abs-of-steel lead) were GLOW wrestlers. There are also two characters that are apparently beach steroid dealers that act like...well...pro wrestlers. If you really enjoy bad 80s movies that are borderline "so bad it's good," then you might get some chuckles out of this. I didn't quite make it to that point. My rating: 1/10

Slashdance is one of a handful of 80s horror movies to use the then popular aerobics/dance/workout craze to try and wring a few last drops of blood from the dying slasher sub-genre (others include Aerobicide, Death Spa, Murder Rock, and Stage Fright). It seems like an obvious ploy, the inevitable bevy of beautiful women shaking their booty providing both gratuitous T&A and plenty of potential victims ripe for slaughter, but somehow Slashdance manages to make a complete mess of matters, its prolonged dance scenes only serving to make what is already a very boring horror film even more tedious.

Cindy Maranne stars as attractive but tough cop Tori Raines, who works undercover as a dancer in an old theatre in order catch the maniac responsible bumping off girls auditioning for a musical. What we get here is a couple of virtually gore-free death scenes, but tons of embarrassingly bad dance routines from the attractive but untalented hoofers, most of whom would make a drunken granny at a wedding look like Ginger Rogers. To make matters worse, writer/director James Shyman opts for a semi-comedic approach that is truly cringe-worthy, with comical characters including two fat female steroid pushers (played by wrestler Queen Kong and Kelle Favara), perverted stage manager Rupert (John Bluto), and retarded prime suspect Amos (Joel Von Ornsteiner).

As if the whole film wasn't padded out enough with interminable scenes of the dancers practising their pathetic moves ("1, 2, 3, and kick, 5, 6, 7, and knee" ad nauseum), Shyman also adds numerous shots of Los Angeles hot-spots, making parts of his film feel like they were made for the L.A. tourist board. All that time wasted watching random people walking and driving up and down Hollywood streets and there's not even one gratuitous shower scene from the sexy showgirls. For shame!

In the magnum opus that is SLASH DANCE, someone is murdering the beautiful female dancers of Hollywood. It's up to undercover cop Tori Raines (Cindy Ferda) to infiltrate the killer's hunting ground (aka: an old theater) and get to the bottom of the unfathomable terror.

Can Tori stop the heinous monster before he kills again? Well, no, but she sure can dance!

For those who long for those simpler, more MTV-influenced days of yesteryear, SLASH DANCE will transport you there!

WARNING: This movie contains scenes of intense Spandex and legwarmers!...