Agent Red - Ein tödlicher Auftrag

Maybe a 3.5 just for Meilani Paul

Part 6 of the Dolph-a-thon and I came across 'Agent Red' on a streaming site. Never seen before. Will never see again.

This is terrible. It had a low rating of 3/10 on IMDB so didn't expect much. It lived up to its billing!

The only plus point was Meilani Paul who looks fabulous.

Dolph is playful enough but this seems beneath him.

This plays out like a Sci-fi channel movie. Do you remember those?

Really cheap CGI and lots of stock footage It's very cheesey and cheap looking and leans more into the so bad it's good vibe It reminded me of those Die Hard knock offs that would have David Hasselhoff in!!!

I, personally can not recommend it Its poorly made and after a brief look online I saw it was filmed a few years prior to 2000 and shelved as it was not deemed good enough for release

Should have stayed shelved!

1/5 stars. Avoid.

Wow... where to start... I'm still reeling from the experience of watching this piece of garbage and I think I'm permanently brain damaged after being exposed to it. Words cannot express how terrible this movie is. I don't care how bad that J. Lo movie "Gigli" is, it will not hold a candle to this waste of matter for pure crappiness. Dolph Lundgren is a marine -(who apparently is the only member of the entire US armed forces who can fly a stealth fighter in footage lifted from another crappy Dolph movie)- that must go board a sub in Russia so that some chemical weapon that the Russians stole from the Americans during the cold war can come back to the US. On board is Dolph's "ex-fiance", who aside from looking like a reject from a Ron Jeremy movie, is also possibly the worst actress to ever set foot on the planet. I had to look up this "actress" to see what other suckers have hired her for movies and found out two things.... 1. thankfully, she's not "in demand" and 2. Her shoddy acting is eclipsed only by her amazing spelling; I think her name is "Melanie" but it looks like some sort of indecipherable mumbo jumbo the way it is spelled. Anyway, I'm off track... this movie is pure crap.. not even one of those "watch with your friends after some herbal refreshment" movies... Everything from the recycled (and butchered) storyline of terrorists on a sub, where every possible cliche is used (and screwed up) to the awful performances, to the terrifyingly bad dialogue. This is the kind of movie that I think can be used as a torture device. There is one saving grace though, after watching the performances in this stinker, you'll be appreciating the master thespianism that is one Jean Claude Van Damme.

Well the quote belongs to none other than Dolph Lundgren. And this is an understatement.

Dolph Lundgren stars as a naval officer who must keep a deadly virus out of terrorists hands.

I thought I was following Agent Red well until I saw "Dolph Lundgren" steal an aircraft which is footage from the startlingly routine Storm Catcher. This scene is more stylish and overall better than anything else in the film plus the guy is 5'11 Dolph is 6'5! This is incompetent filmmaking at it's worst. Avoid this like the plauge because once exposed you cannot survive.

1/2* (Out of four)

This is probably Dolphs worst film besides Stormcatcher, and although i was expecting something bad i was pleasantly surprised, in that it had some good moments. I am not a fan of Damien Lee he is not a director who is likely to produce anything above the average, but this film was better than i thought, they do take that old action film cliché of the bad pun to new heights where every sentence by one person is replied sarcastically by another and some times to funny effect but the dialogue is an exaggerated version of an Arnie script. Damien Lee's direction of the action scenes is annoying at times with shots so close up it ruins the fights, but there is an attempt at some Woo'esque action but it must be pointed out that the best action scene was borrowed from Stormcatcher, they actually took out a whole scene and in Stormcatcher the bloke in the scene was not Dolph but it is supposed to be him in Agent red (all of a sudden Dolph is about 5ft 11 instead of 6,5.), and it must be pointed out that Tony Hickox is a much better director. Basically this film is a very cliché action film that is not in anyway stylish or well scripted but it is funny, notably the bad Russian accents and the puns, one of which had me in stitches when Dolphs sergeant is briefing him on his mission saying "have you ever heard of agent red" and Dolph replies " it sounds like a bad action movie", so at least the makers of this new they were not making a classic, overall this is not horrendous but is still pretty bad,you could quite easily stomach the full ninety minutes on a good day, if only for the hilariously cheesy dialogue but if you have a choice between this and an earlier Dolph flick theplace this nicely back on the shelf. This is a tragic low point in Dolph's career. *

I rented this DVD as "Agent Red" and maybe someone changed the title hoping someone would be fooled into renting it like I did. I fast forwarded looking for the good parts and didn't find any. The plot holes you could float an aircraft carrier through.

Did you know nuke submarines had concrete floors and walls?

Anyway, to illustrate how bad it is the best acting comes from none other than Randolph Mantooth. What more can I say?