W*A*L*T*E*R

"W*A*L*T*E*R" was a painfully misguided spin off from "M*A*S*H"--as was "After M*A*S*H". The big difference is that "W*A*L*T*E*R" only lasted one episode and was apparently only shown to half the United States. I don't think they bothered showing it to everyone because they realized they had a bad idea in the pilot.

So what is so bad about the pilot? Well, they made the character pathetic and sad--and this is supposed to be a comedy! And, to top it off it had a VERY obtrusive laugh-track--one that OFTEN was used during the saddest and most awful moments in the show. Let me give you a few examples--all of which you learn about through flashbacks. First, Walter loses his farm (ha, ha, ha). Next, he gets married and his bride disappears--running off with another man (ha, ha, ha). And, finally, he goes into a pharmacy to get some drugs so he can commit suicide (he, he, he). Whose idea of funny was this? Was the show written by a serial killer?! Now I am NOT saying you shouldn't watch it--heck it's only 25 lost minutes in your life. But I am saying that I can see exactly why the network didn't pick it up--the show was maudlin. But, if you like the idea of Radar as a cop (talk about miscasting) and want to see Victoria Jackson before she was a regular on "Saturday Night Live", then by all means give it a shot. Just don't say I didn't warn you!

I saw the pilot for W*A*L*T*E*R. Now I know beyond a doubt why they never made it into a series. Here's an interesting tidbit: It was directed by Bill Bixby! I wouldn't be surprised if it did NOT appear on his resume. Even having the asterisks in the title (Radar's real name of course) is dumb.

O'Reilly returns to Iowa, sells the farm & livestock and sends his mother to live with his aunt. His new bride leaves him for another man right after their honeymoon. (what!?) He decides to commit suicide, and goes to a drugstore to buy sleeping pills to overdose (+ aspirin b/c sleeping pills give him headaches (broom-che!)). The drugstore clerk, Victoria Jackson!, cheers him up and they become friends. His cousin Wendell gets him a job on the police force in St. Louis. Jocularity ensues.

Radar goes back home and they make a show about him AFTER he loses the farm? Blech. You may as well have a show about him after he BUYS the farm! To have a show about Radar anywhere but in Ottumwa Iowa is bogus. Miss this! I seal it: DNW: Do Not Watch!

Play the hits and give people what they know and love. And if you don't want to do that, then break ground and give people something sharp, novel and daring.

Radar was symbolic of the smash hit and television masterpiece, M*A*S*H. He was the only regular character played by the same actor in the series and in the feature film. He was the first person you saw in the opening credit sequence of every episode for the first seven years. And he didn't have the name Walter in the original novel, in the film or in the first three and arguably most popular seasons of the series. Radar was given a proper first name sometime in the show's fourth year and it was only used a handful of times. Five years after his departure from the series, when this pilot aired, people remembered Radar. They saw him on repeats and in the feature film that had just been released on home video. Why would they call the show Walter and expect the masses to make the association? Even if people remembered the character's first name, Walter could have been anyone. Even fifty years after the character was introduced to the public, the word radar automatically makes people think of Mash.

Three of the most seasoned and best TV sitcom writers worked on this pilot. Two of them had co-written most of the I Love Lucy shows, as well as the Lucy Desi Comedy Hour, the Lucy Show and numerous brilliant episodes of other programs like Maude and All in the Family. The third writer had been penning classic television comedy since the fifties and had written quite a few classic episodes of MASH. With all of this great talent, why couldn't they even come up with the right title?

Mash's Radar was a complex character who managed to be consistent through what might have seemed like more than a few contradictions. He quietly helped orchestrate many of Hawkeye and Trapper's devious maneuvers, he was seen in early episode sneaking Henry's liquor and cigars, he manipulated Henry into signing documents that he didn't know he was signing, he knew how to work the bureaucratic military systems well enough to usually get his unit whatever they needed and yet, at the same time, he was a farm bred innocent hero worshiping young virgin who slept with a teddy bear, was devoted to his animals, and was as dedicated a friend and companion as anyone could imagine. Oh yeah, and he could hear things before everyone else heard them and know what someone was going to say to him before the person said it. And though he was known to occasionally peak into the shower when the nurses were there, he wasn't partial to actually using the shower himself.

Little of that was in the character we saw in this pilot. An ordinary, mostly innocent though slightly jaded by the war, young farm boy becomes a small town cop in the fifties. Okay, what else? It almost felt like the Andy Griffith Show, only with its personality and heart removed. Lucy Ricardo, Archie Bunker, Hawkeye Pierce and Maude were naturally sharp, hilarious characters who couldn't miss. I guess the same writers couldn't breathe life into Walter because they forgot that people loved Radar and that Radar was a genuine mixed bag with many unique and interesting character traits. They probably also forgot that Radar was the sixth wheel on the TV show and probably the tenth wheel in the film. As endearing as he was to the audience, he really was never meant to be a leading man.

All that said, the dialogue is good and the pilot is watchable. Again, it was written by three of the best sitcom writers in the business at the time. However, it was flat and boring because the character and his situation were.

It's really a pity this show didn't get picked up. I really think it had some potential. I'm a big M*A*S*H fan and Radar was my favorite character in the whole show and I do realize I might be a bit subjective, but for this show really seemed to be able to get some laughs. I don't know why AfterMASH was picked for a while and this wasn't but I really wish it was the other way around. I enjoyed seeing Potter, Mulcahy and Klinger in that one, but it seemed to me they veered in a different direction from the one they ought to have gone towards, so I guess that's one of the reasons people didn't like it too much.