Endsville

The absolute worst movie I have ever seen and I am not kidding. Finally, here is the proof that only the filmmakers vote for their own movie - nobody else except its own producers (and their moms, I grant you that) could vote 9 or 10 out of 10 for a movie that is so uniquely bad (incompetent and insulting and unfunny).

I wouldn't bother commenting on it but I accidentally hit this page and could not believe my eyes that people wrote favorable things about this unmitigated embarrassment, when the audience I saw it with were mortified for the film-makers and couldn't sit through it. I had the grave misfortune to see it at a film festival, and never was such bad film-making seen in 35mm! I like mock-documentaries a lot - like Blair Witch Project and Reds and Man Bites Dog and even Prefontaine was okay - that's why I went along to see it, but after this I'll never watch another one again. It's a crock, not a mock doc.

Any 8-year-old with an 8mm camera and 8 minutes to spare could make something more entertaining. And I count myself extra unfortunate, because nobody else had the chance to sit through it - I'm pretty sure that it made it into any other film-festivals let alone regular theaters. If it got released on video maybe the producers would rent it just like they voted for it. It's like Beavis and Butthead teamed up with Homer Simpson and tried to make a movie about the end of the world but they did it really earnestly for a film school assignment. And it's way too long too, it would have been better at 90 seconds long instead of 90 minutes. It would still be too long at 90 seconds, but only the film-makers and their actors would have wasted their time in that case. The making-of the movie must have been a comedy unto itself, but the resulting movie is a mortal offense to intelligent life as we know it.

Maybe the film-makers (or their moms) were running the film fesival, because who else would have let it in? I didn't believe any scenes or characters at all - there is nothing plausible or intriguing or surprising or real or amusing or witty. In fact it is the worst insult to a sense of humor. It never gets anywhere near funny. There may be a few laughs at the continuity errors and stupid lines of dialog and moments of unforgivably bad acting and total unbelievability/ pointlessness of the story, but it's no fun laughing at the movie-makers not at the movie.

Who finances expensive mistakes like this? Maybe the filmmakers themselves (or their moms, again) wasted all that good cash, because anybody else would have stuck their fingers over their noses and thrown the script where it belongs. Let's all take a moment to pray that the clowns with the writing credits stick to their day job (so long as it's not in the movies). Run and hide if there's a chance to see this movie. It's supposed to be about the

end of the world, but in reality it's the end of movie-making as we know it.

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This film is a mockumentary of a cult counting down their final days towards the end of this world as they are being filmed by a local videographer. Jim Gaffigan plays Ivy Vaughn, a local man that videos weddings and bar mizvahs for a living when he meets a young man named Isaac Melnick (played by David Moscow) while he was filming a bar mizvah in the town of Endsville, NY. Isaac starts ranting on camera about the end of the world, Quellish and the Reverend Caleb Solar and Ivy is intrigued enough to pay a visit to the Compound for the Divine Order of Faithful Servants (The DOoFS). What he finds when he arrives is the perfect subject for a documentary that will launch him on his way as a real film maker and allow his escape from his dull existance in Endsville, NY, a town that has definately seen better days.

As Ivy settles in to the Compound and the DOoFS he begans to interview each member seperately and figure out why anyone would join a doomsday cult. Through his camera we meet the various oddballs that make up the DOoFS from the Reverend's right hand man, Kenneth Thith (Alan Ruck), a man that has spent his entire life in cults, Doug Doug (David Warshofsky), an abandoned house-frau, Elizabeth Wilberforce (Laraine Newman), the Reverend's beautiful, teenaged, half-sister, Nicola McCoy (Tracy Hutson), a failed accountant, Terry Festinger (Ethan Phillips), a drunken Englishman by the name of Neville Asquith (Graeme Malcolm) and the angry young man, Isaac Melnick. The Most Honorable Reverend Caleb Solar (Kyle Secor) remains tantilizingly aloof to Ivy, never submitting to his camera except for the most brief moments. So Ivy mostly learns about Caleb through the other DOoFS. Later the DOoFS are joined by an architect named Shawn Walker (Dwight Ewell), who answers an ad in the local paper to help them build an Ark.

The Honorable Reverend Caleb Solar was a used-car salesman that heard the voice of God via the local weather girl, Lisa Swayzak (played by Debbie Matenopoulos), one day after experiencing a very bad day (referred to in the film as "The Confluence of Horror" WHUP!). He becomes convinced that this world is about to end in a Biblical flood called, "Quellish" and begans to call others to join him. The role of Caleb Solar was a major departure for Kyle Secor, best known as Tim Bayliss on Homicide. I expected him to stand out in this role as he does in everything else he did, but there were so many great performers that he was merely one of many great actors. His performance as Caleb is restrained, he plays Caleb with many different facets, in turn engmatic and charmistic as he lures in followers, cranky and dour when bugged with details and squabbling among members, mysterious and aloof much of the time and completely wild as he loses it totally and starts yelling pick-up lines at women out of the window of the DOoFS bus. Secor also has one of the funniest scenes in the film when his followers force him to explain what exactly happened during the "Confluence of Horrors"

Alan Ruck as Kenneth Thith gives obsessive-compulsive new meaning as the tightly-wound up man that really makes everything happen at the Compound. He has several outstandingly funny bits, one where he is ironing Caleb's shirts and telling Ivy he shouldn't even be looking at Caleb's shirts much less touching them and another time when he is explaining why Caleb had no luck with the opposite sex in high school. He also gives the impression of being madly in love with Caleb.

As Neville Asquith, Graeme Malcolm plays a befuddled, over educated, upper class Brit most convincingly. His easy-going and drunken state make him an odd choice as a cult member.

If his performance in this film is any indication, Jim Gaffigan will be a huge star on his new television show, "Welcome To New York" He plays Ivy with a endearing goofiness and sweetness that counterbalances Ivy's cynisism over "Quellish". He develops a bit of a crush on Nicola along with most of the men and he has many funny scenes in the movie, a natural comedian.

David Moscow as Isaac was a ball of anger that exploded occasionally in the funniest ways. Intense and incredibly loyal to the group. I was laughing so hard I was crying when he started ranting on camera about Quellish and El Agua. Wouldn't want to get on Isaac's bad side at all.

Ethan Phillips performance as Terry Festinger is very different than the usual way we are used to viewing him on Star Trek Voyager as Neelix. He was outstanding as the strange little accountant that ends up pilfering the groups funds and spending them on only God knows what. His comedic timing is great in this role.

Loraine Newman shows in "Endsville" that she still has the same wonderful acting abilities and timing that made her famous on Saturday Night Live. She plays Elizabeth with the lots of suppressed emotions bubbling just right below the surface and you can tell she's gonna blow like a volcano one day. Her melt-down at the kitchen table and shared kiss with Caleb make for two of her most hysterical moments.

Doug Doug is portrayed by David Warshofsky with masterful vacantness. But as the film goes on you get the impression that Doug is not a stupid as he first appears. When Elizabeth and Neville ask for help with the dinner dishes one night, he trots out a scripture to support why his helping out would be actually sinful and lead to death. He constantly carries about a childrens illustrated Bible.

Tracy Hutson plays Nicola as highly aware of her own beauty and manipulating the men in her life with it. In one sequence she talks Terry into allowing her to buy tons of junk food even though the group is on a tight budget and everyone else has been told no, by merely pouting seductively and saying "Please" as Terry Festinger melts beneath her gaze.

But the show stealer is Judd Nelson as Rufus The Buck Toothed Sluggard, the farmer next door to the group. He is amazing and very surprising in this role.

William Fitchner plays rival cult leader, Prince Victor Diamond and is convincing in the few moments he has onscreen.