Angriff der Dino Monster

4 episodes of a TV show put together to form a movie much like forming Voltron, but this isn't nearly as good as that show. From what I've read the show got better, but that still doesn't change the fact that this was tough watch and I would not recommend unless it's the rifftrax version or you and your buddies want to hang out and riff on it yourselves.

I'm not here to say this movie is good. When inflicting it on my friends, I have found they often experience physical pain. And while this is not the worst of all Japanese giant monster sojourns (Redman, I'm looking at you), it generally isn't worth it even for a kaiju enthusiast.

BUT...there is something to be told about this movie that people need to know when they go in to see this. When giant monster movies were all the rage in Japan in the mid-60s to mid-70s, dozens of superheroes sprung up to combat this rubbery menace. Some, like Ultraman or Spectreman, had staying power and would later prove to be cultural icons. Others, like Silver Kamen and Fireman, would fade into obscurity.

Enter Tsuburaya Productions. Eiji Tsuburaya's company, the owners of Ultraman and the special effects producers behind Godzilla, decided to continue with the trend that had netted them so much money and also jump on the embiggening anime bandwagon. Hence the new TV series Izenborg. It combined live action giant monsters, miniatures, and fairly primitive anime.

Enter Quality Video. They cut four of these episodes together into one movie. That's why it is "episodic" and "formulaic."

That doesn't explain why Jim hits his sister (which drew laughter), or the line "I'll get you, you ratty rat rat!"

Part of being a semi-professional film critic involves having to watch close to everything I can lay my grubby, Cheetos stained fingers on. Walking into a movie theater, popcorn and Milkduds in- hand, naively waiting for the most recent helping of Uwe Boll to not be that bad, is a grueling torture in the ball park of getting your teeth cleaned. So what does one do to get prepared? What can one do to inoculate against the demons of terrible contemporary films.

Let me tell you right now if Uwe Boll/Michael Bay/Brett Ratner are the directors you think of as the cinematic whipping boys of a generation, you clearly need to see worse movies. Take for instance Attack of the Super Monsters, a 1982 direct-to-video steamer that brings new meaning to the word cheap. Set in the tokusatsu tinged world of 1980's Japan, the film pits humans against the fire- breathing, mind controlling dinosaurs who have mushroomed out of the world's crust. The leader of the dinosaurs; Emperor Tyrannos (Reynolds) uses a broad array of tactics to defeat the human armies but always seems to be stopped in the nick-of-time by Jim (Woren), Gem (Levenson) and the rest of the Gemini Force.

Here's the kicker, the film mixes cheap Manga inspired animation, photo real backgrounds and the patented chestnut of guys wearing monsters suits stomping on miniatures. The result is something that almost works in gleefully recapturing the childhood glory days of taking Hot Wheels and action figures and crashing them into one another. The plot further enforces that notion when twins Jim and Gem, in a show of maximum effort, form into a half-human, half- cyborg hermaphrodite called Gemini. The purpose of them combining is to make their flying tank vehicle Izen I into a drilling machine, the subtext of which is enough to make a midnight TV watcher squirt Dr. Pepper through his nostrils.

The film is composed of the first four episodes of the Japanese kids TV show Kyoryu Senso Aizenbogu (197-Present) and boy does it show. Emperor Tyrannos, who seemingly has unlimited psychic abilities, uses the "monster of the week" formula, fighting wars by proxy like a dime- store Repulsa. He uses dogs, then rats, then bats (oh my) to destroy all humans but is always foiled and forced to flee. To complete the Super Sentai clichés, Attack of the Super Monsters manages to add two lovably doofy sidekicks, the short and chubby Jerry (Perry) and the elderly Eddie (Perry again) who, you guessed it, pilot the Gemini crew's auxiliary vehicle.

I'm not sure what's scarier, the fact that a movie can be made squishing a few episodes of an old TV series together or that there's an audience for this kind of graft. There's certainly a campy appeal to this but that kind of sensibility is only rewarded in a handful of images. Otherwise you're getting the absolute worst the monsters v giant robot sub-genre has to offer; avoid with prejudice.

I will give it this much, this film is definitely something different. It's live action guy-in-a-suit monster action with anime humans. It's obvious that whoever produced this film had a limited budget, but how many movies are there in which dinosaurs can not only talk, but work together to kill humans? Not only that, but I thought it was only cartoons where the monsters literally yell "ATTACK! DESTROY! KILL!" as they are attacking the city but, once again, this movie proved me wrong. The concept is hilarious, which in itself makes the movie worth watching, but its hard to follow sometimes and even gets a little typical. Overall its a decent addition to a monster movie collection.

Merging cheap rubber-suit monsters (They talk!) with low-budget, limited animation is a recipe for disaster. And just like the plot of the Producers, somehow it turns into a hilariously entertaining bit of fluff. It's literally four episodes of a terrible TV series strung together and in the end, there is no finality to any of it. But what more do you want from a talking rubber suited monster vs. anime movie? Shakespeare? You might want to imbibe while you watch it. Invite friends over and riff on it yourself. It's kind of awesome!