Rollergator

Jeesh. Where to begin with this disaster.

Well, me and my friends love watching bad movies. We do it all the time. I think for the same reason many other people do it to; To find something of comedic value and perhaps try and get an understanding as to why the filmmakers made these movies. Sometimes this can simply be attributed to incompetence, trying to make something beyond their scope and budget and competency, or just because the filmmakers wanted to make a movie they wanted to make as a passion project. Some of these movies can be endearing for those reasons alone. But we've sat through enough terrible movies to know that Rollergator isnt one of them.

To sum up quickly for whoever is reading this; a tiny purple alligator and a woman on rollerskates perpetually run away from a skateboarding ninja hired by a carnival owner to retrieve him for their personal profits.

Thats all you really need to know, because those are the only things you can sort of puzzle together. Because for some reason i believe the movie is edited out of order. From the moment the movie starts until it ends nothing makes a lick of sense in the way its story progresses. Scenes cut and jump awkwardly, the camera work resembles that of a 13 year old making short films for youtube and the acting is nothing short from sublime (terrible). There is nothing funny about it. The only reason we got a chuckle out of it was of how distressed me and my friends were and how much we hated it. We got more enjoyment out of eachothers misery watching this than actually watching it.

Another gripe i have is that the movie is a flatout lie. I thought at least i would see a small purple alligator on rollerblades but that didnt happen. Also, the alligator claims that it can sing and rap. But only spits like 2 of the most lamest bars ive heard since "TOP 10 LAMEST FREESTYLE BARS" on youtube (which by the way is funny as hell, funnier than this movie at least). for the rest he doesnt really do much. He spends about 90 percent of the movie huddled away in a backpack.

Now, the audio is... Ooof... No Disrespect Preston Reed but the neverending droning loop of twangy guitars(Me and my friends can pretty much confirm it, maybe, honestly this movie actually made me lose memories) is the worst stuff ever. and it plays from the start till the finish. No tonal shifts, no pauses just the same guitar playing over and over and over. The audio mixing for dialogue in this movie is bad, and sometimes gets drowned out by the guitar that just keeps going and going and going... i legitimately felt dizzy because of how repetitive the audio was.

Overall. Even if you like terribad movies, this isnt worth your time. There is no comedic value in any aspect whatsoever. not in the acting or the camera work or the audio. Its all bad. Steer clear from this one for sure. It aint worth the attention.

I have only looked at the recent short from Rifftrax and, from what I saw, to give this zero-budget 'thing' any stars should be a crime; since IMDb requires a minimum of 1, that's all it could 'possibly' get.

Everyone involved with "Rollergator" must have known they were making the equivalent of 'cinematic fecal matter'. Cheap and amateurish in every imaginable aspect of film-making, this pile of celluloid dung's only two redeeming qualities were the presence of the self-loathing (I suspect) Joe Estevez who may have thought:'I know full-well what I'm getting into, but don't care because I'm expected to be in intentionally-crappy films. How awful can I be in this one?') and the not-so-bad-looking blonde actress, Sandra Shuker, although her thespian skills border on non-existent. That's really it, folks. It's that bad.

The talking (!) baby alligator puppet would have even been improved by merely sewing eyes on a sock...you'd get the same effect, really. I guess it's all an intentional joke because it looks so obviously-fake. Anyone who's heard of 'Ed the Sock' has seen this before and just as believably; only Ed's perpetual cigar was missing.

Saying, 'This is the worst (fill in the blank) I've ever seen, etc.' is asking for it. Something even more horrifically-cheap and stupid may actually be possible...a shuddering thought, considering what I saw of this thing.

There are some films made that are must see cinema, from fabulous storytelling, through superb acting, talented direction, to stunning cinematography. Sadly Rollergator isn't on of them, if there was ever a film made not to be seen than Rollergator meets all the criteria and more. it's appalling. Words almost fail me, there are no redeeming features whatsoever in the film, there are some parts that beggar belief, from the alligator himself through to a painfully lame martial arts display. Oh yes, I forgot the soundtrack, endless strumming away bu someone undoubtedly a friend of the film makers who did it as a favour in return for a credit listing, what a dreadful racket. I was almost reduced to tears begging this film to end. By comparison Hobgoblins is the work of a master, and that was what I would have said previously the worst film I'd ever had the misfortune to see. It's hard to forget this film, I will remember when and where I was when I saw it, it is etched into my consciousness and not in a good way. If you like really bad films then this is one for you, but be warned, this film is worse than you imagine it could be no matter how many reviews you read, how awful the comments here are about it, and how based on your previous film history you think ti could be, it's worse than that! No amount of alcohol or other substances is going to improve it either.

I can't, nay, I won't write anything more. The title of my review says all I want to say.

Dire Ineptitude!!!!!!! For fans of bad movies only. The Rifftrax version is the recommended way to see this wretched movie.

As stated above, this movie is the worst I've ever seen (dethroning the previous worst: 1964's "The Creeping Terror") being an avid fan of MST3K and Rifftrax for the past 15 years, I like to think I know something about bad movies. And let me say when the question of "what's the worst movie ever" arises, generic, ubiquitous choices like "Plan 9 from Outer Space" DO NOT hold a candle to ROLLERGATOR. When you dissect these movies element by element, those being casting, script, acting, dialogue, sound recording, editing, music, pacing, special effects, costumes, etc. ROLLERGATOR is thee absolute ultimate in terms of overall badness. Easily.

Starring Charlie Sheen's uncle, also known as Joe Estevez, he's the star-power of the movie, the other "actors" are total no-names, that the casting agent probably found at a local community theater (or a laundro-mat). As you can glean from the cover, along with Charlie Sheen's uncle, there's a small purple alligator (that talks!) featured in the movie; it's limply brought to life by a very lame and simplistic hand-puppet, whose tiny hands appear to be permanently fused to it's chest, as there is no arm movement what-so-ever.

The basic characters are a young blonde chick on rollerblades who befriends the alligator and its with the help of her skates that it becomes the: ROLLERGATOR! Estevez plays a carnival owner, along with him comes a henchman to do his dirty work, a karate instructor, a "dark ninja" and yet another even younger blonde girl on rollerblades named "Slingshot", plus near the end there's some portly, bumbling, old biologist whose been attempting to find the alligator.

Throughout the movie, almost non-stop, there is aimless "playing" of an acoustic guitar, which will have to do as far as the soundtrack goes; occasional organ tracks appear and briefly add variety, but then back come the pointless guitar wanking.

As far as the dialogue goes, it often sounds improvised and shows little flow or logic and is often unintelligible.

Blah, blah, blah, the portly old biologist who's looking for the alligator eventually finds the alligator, who by then of course, is a Rollergator. End of movie. The worst movie ever.

(Hey all, any word on whether there's to be a 20th anniversary Blu-ray edition issued in 2016???)