Ninja Terminator

Can't really tell you a lot about this one as I watched it whilst pretty drunk. I CAN say that Gordon (Richard Harrison) was beset by mysterious clouds of gas at one point - created by what looked to be a small clockwork robot - (confusing for him in the extreme I should imagine). Oh, and his girlfriend is attacked in her kitchen by vicious marauding crabs - even Gordon himself looks a little unsettled by that one. I could be wrong but I think it might be VERY good...must watch it again and find out.

If anybody has sat down to watch a decent Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee film and thought to themselves 'Hold on, you know what would make this better? Really bad ninja fighting that has little to do with the actual story, a story that makes absolutely no sense, and some of the most random quirkiness ever witnessed on screen, that'd make a GREAT film!' Then Ninja Terminator may be the film for them.

However, if they added to that 'Also, I'd like to see a love scene set to Pink Floyd's Echoes, twice, and perhaps a guy in a blonde wig for no reason at all'. Then 1) Ninja Terminator IS for them and 2) They have uncanny and ultra-specific pre-cognitive powers.

Ninja Terminator takes the whole 'so bad it's good' movie ethos to stratospheric levels, even beyond movies like Troll 2. What works here is the movie that Godfrey Ho is tacking his usual ninja battles onto is just about as crazy as the ninja battles themselves. I swear, there must be a kung fu fight every five minutes or so, each of them getting increasingly stranger until the penultimate fight on the beach (followed only, of course, by the bizarre ninja showdown).

Without going into specifics and spoiling things, I'll make a vague-ish list of what's nuts about this film: 1) Pink Floyd and Tangerine Dream on the soundtrack. 2)Split second ninja costume changes 3) Weird use of children's toys 4) Crabs 5) Pawning jackets 6) Random jacket changes 7) Feet that dig sand 8) Dramatic wig removal 9) etc etc...

I've watched a few of these ninja films so far, and it's by far the greatest one I've seen.

By the way, if you like actual good films, just reverse everything I've said and take it as a warning.

jaguar wong is the baddest dude ever. He's got more style than Cary Grant and Wes Anderson. Here, Jaguar Wong destroys the entire syndicate that consists of a Chinese guy in a blonde bob wig with his half assed fighting crew. Worst thing to ever do is rip another guys suit. Richard Harris also wears mascara and a camo ninja suit. The film begins with the most strange ritual that is run by a fat guy (also with mascara) wearing a red ninja suit laughing out of control while his students hit his arm with their ninja swords. He's protected by the Golden Ninja Warrior.

COMEDY

I'm extremely glad to read the other reviews for this film and see that there are others out there that understand just how awesome this film is. My recommendation is that you watch this film with a large group of friends and a chilled crate of beer at the ready; you'll never look back. When I watched it we blasted the volume nearly to full, and while it was kinda painful during the opening scene where a bizarre high-pitched squeal comes out of the mysterious golden case (pulp fiction anyone?!!) it soon became a mind blowing experience. THX or DTS this is not, but man does it pack a punch. In terms of scenes I was especially fond of the extremely long shot of the gravestone and bank of grass while the two characters explained the storyline. First class. The red ninja trying to jump Harry in his apartment is legendary - he just appears in his cameo ninja suit and mascara instantly and kicks serious ass. Jaguar Wong was also a treble hard bastard. I'd miss-heard his name and thought it was Jaguar One so when I asked my friend where Jaguar Two was near the end I felt like a bit of a moron. Still, I wish Jaguar Wong was my dad.

THIS FILM IS PURE CLASS

Goofy, fast-paced and frequently senseless action, probably partly padded out from pieces of the director's umpteen other films, as was his custom. The plot is so random I never really understood what the significance was of the golden thingie everybody was chasing after-this is just one of those movies where you accept that "the guys in red will fight the guys in blue who'll fight the guys in yellow," quickly forgetting to even wonder WHY anyone is fighting anybody. It's silly in a good way, energetic and slick on a B-grade level. At times it achieves a kind of inspired giddy absurdity that is close to trash heaven.