Ninja Terminator

Goofy, fast-paced and frequently senseless action, probably partly padded out from pieces of the director's umpteen other films, as was his custom. The plot is so random I never really understood what the significance was of the golden thingie everybody was chasing after-this is just one of those movies where you accept that "the guys in red will fight the guys in blue who'll fight the guys in yellow," quickly forgetting to even wonder WHY anyone is fighting anybody. It's silly in a good way, energetic and slick on a B-grade level. At times it achieves a kind of inspired giddy absurdity that is close to trash heaven.

I really can't be bothered to write too much on this movie, as I have an essay to do and must get to it. Anyway suffice to say it's one of the third rate Ninja films with horrifically unoriginal plots and unintentionally hilarious characters. There is some sort of battle for the Golden Ninja warrior, something which makes you impervious to being struck with a Ninja's blade, until the end of the film, that is, where it suddenly and inexplicably wears off. There is a subplot where bubble-gum chewing, "YOU BROKE MY JACKET" copper Jaguar Wong kicks seven bills out of one of the head honcho's minions, all the while trying to get back together with an old flame of his. In one memorable bond like scenes, wong shows how suave he is by forcing himself upon her and unleashing the spearmint gum flavour into her mouth, whereupon she falls in love with him again and they coppulate ferociously. You know how it goes. Read the back of the DVD if you own it, prefferably before watching the movie, that way you can fall on the floor laughing over the disturbing amount of spelling mistakes that can be found, my personal favourite being "Three" spelt with a third E on the end. Priceless. Other humuorous points about this film include an asian big cheese with a puffy blonde wig, a Ninja dressed in a Vietnam Uniform, and a Ninja that looks uncanily like a younger version of Rock-God Ozzie Osbourne...although by far the two best moments are when Nam-Ninja hears a ring and picks up his Garfield phone to talk to Wong...and when Mister Wong hurls one of the wimps he fights into his own Car window despite the fact that the enemies car is parked directly along side it. If your depressed, you need to watch this, it's prozac on screen.

Can't really tell you a lot about this one as I watched it whilst pretty drunk. I CAN say that Gordon (Richard Harrison) was beset by mysterious clouds of gas at one point - created by what looked to be a small clockwork robot - (confusing for him in the extreme I should imagine). Oh, and his girlfriend is attacked in her kitchen by vicious marauding crabs - even Gordon himself looks a little unsettled by that one. I could be wrong but I think it might be VERY good...must watch it again and find out.

This is one of the funniest films I have ever seen. The whole idea that the actors are intending to release a drama/thriller to the kung-fu loving West. I think if it had been released as a comedy it would never have been as funny.

For people that keep saying 'I wish I hadn't seen the dub' there is no movie that isn't the dub. Ho bought bits and pieces of unreleased and uncompleted Asian films, from Chinese, Japanese to Korean and mixed them together, with new shots of Western actors. There is no film other than the dub, besides the poor dubbing adds most of the humour, its one of the funniest aspects... why ruin it.

jaguar wong is the baddest dude ever. He's got more style than Cary Grant and Wes Anderson. Here, Jaguar Wong destroys the entire syndicate that consists of a Chinese guy in a blonde bob wig with his half assed fighting crew. Worst thing to ever do is rip another guys suit. Richard Harris also wears mascara and a camo ninja suit. The film begins with the most strange ritual that is run by a fat guy (also with mascara) wearing a red ninja suit laughing out of control while his students hit his arm with their ninja swords. He's protected by the Golden Ninja Warrior.

COMEDY